WITHDRAWALS ARE GETTING HARDER TO TAKE EXHAUSTED BEEN UP HAS TO BE 45 HOURS OR MORE

[halstead124]

im having harder and harder time trying to keep up and busy and not think about it then im so lost in my days having trouble with time start thinking when was my last norc it starts to consume me and it wasnt yesterday like i thought it was it was sunday and this whole time i thought it was last night ive been up so long with nothing in me since sunday so really start getting a little worked up then rember xanx take 1 calm down there also gone i got them out of the house so i wouldnt take all those start thinking and stressing about another night with no sleep im trying to do eveything people gave me advice for like trying to keep busy i did went to store drove around awhile trying to keep all that out of my head doing few things around house i still think about it jump in shower calm down a little but still a little on edge any advice or anything on to give me to sleep a little

[halstead124]

i know ive tried this so many times and actually for weeks once i quit i thought i did it but as the days passed i felt a 100 times worse and fell back and thats what im worried about never feeling the way i used to and thats what freaks me out im never gonna be me again and people on here have said that took some work

[halstead124]

ah dude i read your post and i know that had to be brutal i thought i quit once but that guy wasnt me i mean i was in such a depression i  lost intrest in everything i ever had i had nice cars like chevelles ,camaro,a couple harleys now gone i could not have cared less i started thinking what if i do pull this off im gonna hate me and i dont want to make my familys life hell then thats how my kids will remember me ya know jagofff or junkie either way i cant win so i guess im just trippin ,thanks

[KEP0523]

You have to remeber that you want the old you back....and the damage thats done to your body takes time. You will get the old you back.....but anything worth the fight is worth fighting for.....it's not easy I know....but think about how many people want to old you back again too. I now feel everything happens for a reason....and I have said before maybe those of us here are put through this because other people around us couldn't make it through. Your not just anyone you decided to do this for a reason and don't loose sight of that reason. How did you feel when you got to the point that drugs ruled your life....would have done anything to reverse time? Never regret what you have done inlife...makes you the person you are today. How many people you know that would have made it past the decision to actually do something about their problem? Not many my friend.....THERE WILL BE ROUGH DAYS....JUST REMEBER WHAT YOUR DOING NOW EACH STEP EACH MINUTE IS THE PATH BACK TO YOU

[halstead124]

ah man your killing me i know what ya mean everything your saying is true not taking the vics  yeah bothers me but ive done that part and it was one of the hardest things i ever did but compared to how i feel and act it was brutal yeah i do remember that first pill everythings a blurr for probably gotta be four years except that pill and then it was over i could not function without that bad boy i mean nothing i was here but like gone all the time no intrest no drive i never would of thought ever this was gonna be me unreal i mean my wife has to hate me were moving in a couple weeks imagine how excited i am to load a truck and drive 2000 miles feel like i tore my family apart and i did i was actually gone leave i couldnt take scewing them up anymore im more harmful to them being around i even tried the whole suboxone thing for 4 or 5 weeks that worked for a couple of weeks and was every week and was like1600.00-1700.00 a monthi i had to quit then im looking on this site and everyone on that stuff is like taking 16-20mg everybody i read about this dude had me on 80mg first week then120mg the second so im reading all this for last two days and hearing about so many people going thru same thing makes it seem to me even gonna be harder i quit drinking after a year of hard drinking thinking that was gonna help it just made it worse so i just quit one day aint had a drink since i can do that but icant with the pills because thats what makes me feel normal i guess thats what hit me today and kinda tripped i stiii am not gonna take anything because there might be a slite chance it all works out i nkeep telling myself

[halstead124]

how long did you go thru your problem for im sure it was quite awhile, it so unreal that little yellow pill ran my life it caused every problem i have today but i promised everyone i would start weening myself off those the booze, xanax and i did for like the last four,five months i did a complete turn around compared to how i was so im starting to feel a lttle better no booze the xanx only to sleep and slowed down on vics and my family is looking at me wierd asking me whats wrong and im like nothin things were better well then they start accussing me on being on coke or meth i cannot believe what im hearing because i wasnt all jacked with downers anymore just a zombie sittin there .what should i think thats all they have seen for years i couldnt blame them thats when i decided to just to it and thats it and i am still confident i can do it i cant live anymore by them pills.thanks for talking with me it helped alot put me back on track im just gonna wig out for a bit i have no doubt your gonna be fine i can tell by your attitude your done with it all im sure.talk to ya

[KEP0523]

Yes i did have my problem for quite awhile even though im young. I didand said things that I never would have before I let it take over every single aspect of my life. I hear you on the whole family thing...even when I was on methadone everyone would say are you doing drugs....whats wrong with you. I found that instead of getting insulted or denying it I talked to my family about it. The fact of relapse is an everyday occurence for us. But we don't have to be part of the statistics. Not trying to get personal....you have issues where you need the xanax and vics? Boose mixed with the oxy's, percs, vics, opanas, anything opiate related was my heaven. It is hard but now I don't even want to touch alcohol becasue once i do the thought of using will be in the back of my mind. Yes we put ourselves here but your family obvisouly loves you and you mean alot to them. It's great that your done with all that....just keep it going. One day at a time....don't think about tommorow or yesterday...you never know what today will bring. This a great acheivementt and we have spent so many years messing it up that IT DOES TAKE TIME....I'm not there yet either but I look at the small things that I never noticed before. I'm glad your back on track.....withdrawals are temporary....what your working towards isnt. Hope your able to get some rest. Let me know how your night goes ok!