What to do....?

[shinningmom]

My boyfriend also the father of my son has no idea of my problem.   While I was high I wanted to leave him beacause of his critical judgemental and lazy attitude.  I thought maybe this had something to do with my attitude (being high and all) but I have been changing and he has not.  I have not told him of my problem beacause I believe he would leave me take my son and use this against me.  I have never put my son in danger, I did not use while I was pregnant and I have my son the majority of the time, his father has never even spent one night alone with him.  So I have two problems here..... Telling him about my problem and deciding if we should really be together............  I know that I am going through a lot of emotions right now only being a week clean and I just don't know what to do.....

[dominosarah]

The only person in this relationship that you can change is you.  You need to focus on you and getting better and then you will be able to make a decision about your relationship.  Your bf has his own issues that he will either deal with or not.  All you can do is take care of you.........sara

[shinningmom]

I have used very little Suboxone the last week, yesterday none.  I have used less than 8mg in the past 7 1/2 days I still have a portion of the first 8 mg pill I broke up.  I don't feel as thopugh I NEED it today I am having cold sweats and am emoptional but no major w/ds.  Physically my son and I are safe he has never been physical with me or my son.  It's all verbal/emotional abuse.  We have been together for three years, when we first met I was addicted.  He asked me to move in with him after being together for less than a month and I did.....  He lived 3 hours away from all of drugs and I felt it would be good for me.  So he went through my first detox with me and was there for me but he made it clear how he felt about the addicttion.....He has really bad knee problems and we have had to go to the ER a couple times, when they offer him an RX he always says no.  He will take Ibuprofen.  He has strong feelings about the narcotics.  He has not always been lazy, I don't know what his slump is right now and when I try to talk to him he does not want to talk about it.  Honestly he has always been critical just not always of me.  I saw it towards other people when we first got together but within the last year it seems that a frustration as been directed toward me.

[micheleTX]

how long have you two been together?  Are you clean since the 1st? of all opiates?  sweetie give yourself time, if you are clean, to fix yourself.  Then decide what to do with your man.  You may not have the same feelings when you are completely clean,  I understand him being critical, lazy, etc.  Has he always been this way since you've been with him?  But, if you don't feel safe as you say in this relationship, I personally would have a huge issue with that.  You have got to feel safe with the person you live with!  I wish the best of luck to you, whatever you decide, but think of your child too.  Is he in danger somehow from this man?  Sorry, I just didn't understand some of what you said.  Why do you not feel safe?  

If you are also questioning if he will still love you after you tell him, then there is a problem I think.  LIsten, only my opinions here okay?  Im concerned for you, but love never goes away.  He may be angry, critical, whatever, but if you think he will not love you anymore, then something is wrong there,

Sorry if I made it worse, I just don't understand some of what you said.  You can PM me if you like, I am here.  I am praying for you to do the right thing for you and your son!
God bless you,  Michele

[shinningmom]

I have been using oxycontin, snorting it actually.  April first was my last day using  His father has him while I am at work and unfortunatley that is when I would be the highest... plus I have a job that allows me to work from home often so I would often tell him I was going to work so that there was someone with my son and then go do my thing for the day.  As soon as I am off work and home it is mommy time.  I am working on the getting clean but I have to say he makes it harder, we live together, and like I said he is critical, judgemental and lazy.  I just feel like if I dont feel safe in the relationship whats the point.  If I cant trust that he will still love me and we will get through my problem if I tell him why am I with this guy!

[avisg]

DONT MAKE ANY JUDMENTS RIGHT NOW ....Give it at least a few months because your emotions are all over the place .work on you right now get back into your life take care of you then you will be in a better place to desised what you want .I had alot of the same feelings when I first got got clean but they went away so give it some time .

[Bad_Obsession]

hmmm...well, first thing is first.  You need to get clean.  What have you been using?
You say you would never put your son in danger, but yet you get high and say you have him most of the time?

If it were me, I would get clean, take it from there.  Getting clean would definatly be the first thing I did without making and BIG descisions.  When you're high, you don't make good choices.  

First things first: get clean.  but that's just my opinion