hope

[Me1025]

Up to this point all of my posts have been sad, depressing, hopeless. At this very moment i have hope. Hope that for me disappeared along time ago. Hope that tomorrow will be better than today. Don't get me wrong, i don't feel great but for the first time in quite awhile I have gotten out of my head and realized i have to live in the moment. Its easy for addicts to get lost in their head, lost in their past, dwelling upon the things we cannot change. I cannot change that I am an addict, that's just the way it is for me, but i can change what I decide to do about it. i will no longer give in to my addiction; at least not today and God willing not tomorrow. I will see life for its possibilities not its sorrows. I am my own worst enemy and it is within my power to change my tomorrow so it won't be like my yesterday.

I have a tough road ahead, a daily fight for my life and its not going to be easy. Nothing has been more difficult than what I've done the last 3 1/2 days and I pray I'll never have to go through that again. I have never seen myself as important or significant but I can make a difference, we all can. I don't have to live chasing my demons, but rather reconizing them for what they are, learning from them and moving forward.

I'm going to get into a counselor and deal with the stuff I've been burying for so long otherwise in the end i will be defeated and that's not acceptable anymore. I used to go to NA meeting when I was in recovery from coke but I was a teenager/young adult then. Mad and angry at the world and really wanted nothing to do with it so I rejected it, tried to do it on my own which was ok until I found my next DOC and the cycle began again.

Thank you to everyone who has been pulling for me, encouraging me, and praying for me. My fight is not over, its just beginning but for the first time in many, many years I have hope. God Bless!

[dominosarah]

The only journey we are on is the journey within~~~Go with a spirit that fears nothing.   sara

[petroglyph54]

To quote a wise woman I once read " you are a precious life and don't let this addiction take your life" amen to that! We knew you would beat this like the dog it is Mel, I'm off to pt. Good day

[sudie58]

hi mel, i have been reading your posts, and it is so great your feeling a bit better, and loads more positive. im so glad you you didnt let your little blip take you away from the big picture!  you have great insight now and ive every faith in you that youll get to where you need to be. i wish you strength and happiness, god bless you ,   sudie