Hydros, I fell (Relasped)

[Wanting_Out_9]

Hi, everyone. My story is similar to most here. Had to take Hydrocodone for back pain and became addicted to them, really addicted to them to a tune of 90 10mg tabs in 4-5 days. I made it to the end of day -3 last time (I think) I was one emotional wreck at the time, as most here get initially it seems. I was so psyched last time, I was doing ok. I blew it. I ended up taken them as prescribed for a week  - after relasp;.. Ya that didn't work so well. I am alone most of my days when I get home from work, I miss my family very bad and sometimes it feel like this damn pill helps - helps numb the pain of being away. When I come off I get all emotional about missing them? is that the core? I know addiction is primary. Maybe I have too much time on my hands - I dont know anymore. I am back in the start of day 2 with the horrible runs (sorry) even after taking immodium, I'm scared. I am sorry to have let so many down here, especially all of you, and my family who knows NOTHING about this (and cant right now) I am hopeful this time I can rips the nasty bear of out me and move on with my life - NORMALLY! Like most I took them in the end just to feel normal, not so much the high - the problems start there folks....You know it then. I had been on these things for years! one dose or another just to end back up in here for a 2nd time, and never made to day 3-4 I think. My mind was a mess then too so I can not even remember how it went or how hard it was for me to move everyday. I have a cabin trip with family this coming weekend and want nothing more than to have rid myself of these animal pills. Is that possible? Will I be physically ok by then? Mentally I know it will be a day by day. I need friends like ever before, yet the only place I can really look to it is here. Help me!!!! God please help me!

[worried878]

U dint let anyone down here..only urself..and sometimes we can beat ourselves up worse than anyone else,,u can look back at all the bad decisions we addicts can make...very poor decisions...but we made them and all we can do now is pick ourselves up and try again..it is very unusual for someone at ur dose to make it to eternal cleandom on the first try..virtually impossible..it is a learning process that takes time...now u know the pills r toxic to u..they will become a source of stress and weakness everytime u use...u will not have any fun anymore taking pills so eventually u will let go for good..maybe now..but it is an ongoing process that does not end with the physical wd part..if u do not make a plan for the mental part/the aftermath/then chances of staying clean go down drastically..most addicts r control freaks..we think we can do everything on our own...admitting u have no power over ur doc takes a while.but it sounds as if u r realizing this..so u r doing way better than u think u r...making a plan to stay clean is a must....hang tight...the alternative which is continuing to use is not very good choice..u already knowwhere that leads...keep posting

[Rotten713]

helllo, I am currently in a similar situation.  I have been addicted to lorcet/lortab for about 5 years not and just this year it really started taking over my life.  I've lost so much in my life over this damn addiction and I'm ready to get clean.  I went without anything yesterady and last night was like the worst night of my life.  I felt like I was going to loose my mind.  The restlesness I feel all over my body is just unbearable.  I am also in need of some support and words of encouragement. No one in my life knows about this problem.  I am to ashamed to tell anyone :(

[ImGettingClean]

Since you're planning on telling your family anyways, why not just tell them now? Just letting it out is a HUGE relief in and of itself....

First few days are rough, but not impossible...try the Amino Acid or Thomas Recipe?

I took L-Tyrosine, 5-HTP and B-6, helps a ton!!!!

[Wanting_Out_9]

Everything tastes like crud today. Even cigs! is that weird? normal? whew - day 2 is bad. Help with some answers here. Just needing all I can get right now. I am really really trying hard

[Wanting_Out_9]

I agree with everyone on all counts. I need to get thru the physical w/d and then my plan is to tell key family members RIGHT after, not sure what day. I did let myself down. I would be two weeks in to this already, if I didnt screw up and think I could dabble. Once an addict of it, always an addict of it I guess the story goes and its too true. I am very very sad today too, stayed home from work (not good) but had to. I will go tomorrow and rough it, being in middle of day 3 should be loads of fun. I know I need to change almost EVERYTHING in my life to be successful in this nightmare of addiction. I am pretty much alone in a city 400 miles from my family and I miss them so so much, my son too. I think I kept numb using and now all the feelings I had/have are surfacing about how so much I want to be near them. Is this a part of my withdrawl or a real feeling? I am not even sure its part of why I do what I do. I went and saw someone on day two last time and they gave me antidepressant. I came clean to her in the office, then two days later - BAM! I can do it, but will need ALL the support I can get. God help me, help me. Thanks guys I need you all right now

[Cassie415]

Hey,
I understand what you're going through. I didn't tell my family and I kept going right back to using about 5 or 6 times in the last few months after trying to stop for a few days. I really am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I think you should listen to IBKleen, and all the others on here, they really know what they're talking about. It took me a long time to actually listen, and I kept relapsing and trying the same way to get sober, thinking I could do it on my own. I know thats wrong and I am trying to get help outside of this site as well and figure out why I was using. I really hope you can do the same, it is really worth it! You can get control of your life, and not have to determine your days and what you're going to do depending on when and where you'll be getting pills amongst all the other negatives that comes with addiction.

[IBKleen]

You haven't let anyone down but yourself.

What you are doing is the definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing and expecting different results". Something has to change and you are the only one that can make that change.

My fear for you, and most here, is that if you don't get to the core issues of why you use in the first place, you are doomed to repeat the behavior. It is too bad you don't feel that you can get honest with your family, get their support and then get the outside help that you need to lead a productive and happy life without the use of chemicals.

If this is day two then you should okay, physically, by the weekend to spend it with your family.

Best of luck to you and I hope this time you find a way to stay clean.

[ELLOUISHA]

I no exacitly what your going through it terrible especially when ya feel like ya doing this alone think a lot of us are feeling your agony i no i am and will continue to do so until i kick my addiction with these Tramodol.