Looking for Hope, Help & Support: Subutex C/T W/D - Day 8

[OutofOptionsAgain]

Hey Guys...I've been silently watching, reading and waiting to pluck up the courage to ask for some hope and some help.  I am not new to addiction but am very new to the withdrawals I am going through from Subutex.  I was never prescribed this "wonder-drug" from a physician but got it from my old Lortab dealer...yeah, to deal with getting off my DOC, which was Hydros!!  Regardless, I have been abusing Subutex for about 8 months now - can't even tell you what my actual does was because obviously, I was abusing them and not taking them sublingually as I should have been...

Anyway, I am now out of Subs and am on Day 8 of a complete cold-turkey withdrawal..to say I feel like I am at death's door is an absolute understatement...I am an emotional wreck, cannot eat hardly a bite, have no drive, motivation or strength and don't want to move from my bed!  Its almost like the end of the world has arrived and has knocked me off my feet.  Obviously, I've been through opiate w/d's before but they were absolutely nothing at all like this...they were heaven compared to what this feels like...not an understatement either but every symptom I am currently experiencing is ten times worse than it ever was with the opiates!

What should I expect?  Is the worst still to come?  Will this pain, misery and suffering ever go away?  Will I ever have the will to live my life again?  I haven't been totally clean in so long...I may have forgotten what it's like!  I am also on an anti-depressant, which is legitimate, but I can't tell I'm even taking it...

I am begging for hope and help...

PLEASE??

[Casper1984]

My last dose was 3 days ago, 32 mg's. The withdrawal is something worse than heroin, pain pills, or any drug. I cant even walk ten feet with out blacking out, my skin is on fire, my bones burn, what do i do, and how much longer will this last? Am i in danger?
                                                                                                                            Ive been on suboxone for 2 years, 24mg's a day, 75 8mg's pills a month. I always ran out on day 18, due to my abusen them. For goin on 6-12 months, ive been taken 30-40 mg's a day. My insurance refills on day 20, so i would buy 2 8mg's with cash to hold me over. I have stopped cold turkey, and im not goin back to the doctor, my addictive mind set will just get the 75 pills again. I have not tapered down at all. My last dose was 3 days ago, 32 mg's. The withdrawal is something worse than heroin, pain pills, or any drug. I cant even walk ten feet with out blacking out, my skin is on fire, my bones burn, what do i do, and how much longer will this last? Am i in danger?
                                                     What i really wanna know, is can i die? I know detoxing off severe heroin use has the chance of killing you, i dont see a differance. Also, my background started at 15, discovered cocaine and spent every cent on it for 2 years. Then, at 17, i found weed, its fun, but not addictive too me, then at 17 exstacy and went through a 2 year phase where i rolled over 130 times, on over 200 tabs, then came meth, got addicted for months at 19, only smoking and snorting, moved away and quit, only to move onto crack, for atleast 1 and a half years, then, back to meth, only this time i injected it, everyday and several times, about an 8 balls worth a day, again, dont know how im alive. I stayed awake 11 days withouy food and little fluid, i truley believe God put me in a position to get arrested for P.I., i went insane, like cookoo insane.got out of jail just to shoot up again within hours. Then, my daughter was born, i quit. Sure i relapsed over the month, but i quit in the end. Then came shooting up coke, morphine, oxy, heroin, hydrocodone(cold water extraction), percosets, and ketamine. I averaged 18 10 mg hydros a day, or 6-9 30mg morphines which id cook up and shoot, 15+ percosets, or 5 or 6 80mg oxys. It was one of those each day, not all in the same day. So, i tried to quit, they werent getting me high anymore, mind you, i did this amount for close to 2 years, my body also started to feel like it was breaking down. So, suboxone was my miracle drug, for 2 years ive taken over 32 mg's a day, im sick of being a slave. Im almost in day 4, i dont want it to be for nothing. My blood [ressure is   sys-112  dia-67 and pulse is 63. thats fine, i took clonodine, not sure if thats why. ho knows, maybe this is the worst.

[Casper1984]

Im scared as **** man, im on day 4, havnt slept in 2 days, burning bones, skins on fire, vomitting, diareah, chills, shakes, muscle aches and spasms, insomnia, black outs, my blood pressure earlier was 190 over 160, with a pulse of 105. I cant even walk 10 feet with out dropping. And its just day 4, i didnt taper down, i just quit. This pain, makes what most people consider pain, pleasure! I would rather suffer a broken bone, have a nut cut off, or be shot in the knee's. Your on day 8? Wow, i applaud you, and wish i was that far along. I was hopen i was goin through the worst of it, but i guess im unfortunantly mistaken and about to go through hell. Thanks for the heads up, try klonopin, clonodine or xanax, they kinda help.

[dominosarah]

You need to get to the doctor ASAP.......your bp is way to high.

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum....I guess this is sub week on the forum there are a few of you out there that have just C/Ted off of sub...I dont have personal experience with sub
but I do know what long drawn out withdrawals are about I detoxed off of methadone and from what I have read it is very similar I wish I could tell you when to expect some relief but its different for everyone ...someone with some sub experience will come along here and probably be able to help you out a bit more....about all I can do is offer you what helped me....long hot baths where worth there weight in gold it relieves a lot of the symptoms you may want to go to the health pages on the top right of the screen and look up the Thomas recipe and the amino acid's they will help get you thew this and help heal your brain  when you can get out get over to walmart and pick up some whey protein shakes it gives your body what it needs there full of vitamins and amino acids as well as protein all of witch the brain needs to heal..I drink 2 a day and since I started I can feel the difference they help with the energy thing a lot ...I dont know if you believe in God or not but if you do I found prayer to help out a lot good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[Casper1984]

that was yesterday, right now is 123 over 68 with pulse of 57

[dominosarah]

Just keep watching it okay?

[dominosarah]

The more i have read Casper the more i know you need to be seen by a doctor......Please go and let a professional help you.  This is just to dangerous to be doing on your own...sara

[refusingbondage]

If your on day 8 you are doing amazing!  To keep it simple:  YES OF COURSE IT WILL GO AWAY!! :)

I dont think you will feel much worse than you aleady do and you should begin to feel better soon.  It will be a very slow incline but it will slowly begin.  I came off suboxone and found this site on day 11 or 12 I think.. I was out of my mind like you.. but just talking to people and knowing I wasnt alone made a big difference.  You are so very close right now to feeling that upswing.  Just hang in there.. Unfortunately you are learnign the hard way that sub is a very intense, long w/drawal especially if its not used and taperd off properly.. its so important to use sub with a doctor and on a program.

Anyway, just hang in there.  It does get better.  Its am amazing feeling when the physical stuff lifts.. Just get some Aftercare in place.. You will be SHOCKED just how quickly you forget about how miserable you are right now, when w/drawal ends and mental cravings begin. .its good to have a plan in place.

Good luck and God bless.

[OutofOptionsAgain]

I have read your comments and firstly thank you for taking the time to share your advice - it sounds awful; but the relief of just having others who understand is more comfort than I've felt in days!

Casper - I think you were probably using a little more than I was but I pray to God you don't have to go through what I feel now! I can't figure out whether the emotional, mental or physical torment is the worst! My prayers are with you and all I can say is that anything worth having is worth going to hell and back for and right now, I want my sobriety enough to know I have no other choice than to do this...I pray you keep your resolve and determination despite the pain!

I don't have any light at the end of the tunnel as yet but sitting here, in my tub, for the sixth time today, I know that I can't go back no matter how much this seems to be intolerable... I don't know how I've made it to day 8 but by the will of God and I just keep praying and hoping that tomorrow us a better day!!

Thank you all again for being there...this site is amazing!! Love, hope and hugs to everyone who is starting this journey or has already made it thru the other side...can't wait to join y'all xx

[Casper1984]

Im freakin out. Im having audible hallucinations, as well as visual ones. Lots of flashing lights, but theres no place they could come from. Im in day 6, its worse than i ever expected. I should of tapered. As for seeing things, any thoughts, ideas, reasons why? I slept this morning from 6am to 1pm.

[Casper1984]

OK, its day 7, it has only gotten worse. Im hallucinating again, it started again around 7;30 pm, my body feels worse than before, much worse. It makes yesterday feel like a relief. Also, worst of all, the mental torment has begun. I guess thats stage 2 in my withdrawal. All i know, is i cant take much more of this, its literally as if im being put to death, while awake, with bleach or something shot in my veins. PLease encourage me, not to sound like a *****, but im real close to given in.

[Chrissyyy91]

Wow good for u, the worest should be done and over with now u should slowly start feeling better soon ull start getting ur natural energy back slowly but surely and be able to do things on ur own instead of seeing something to get the energy, try to have as many hot baths or showers as u can the more u sweat it out the quicker it comes out of ur system also I know it's hard but try to push urself to get out to for walks or whatever stay as active as u can but don't over do it or push urself that helps u keep ur mind off the pain and crap ur going threw and when bedtime comes it won't be as bad trying to get to sleep

[HenryS354]

Casper, I wish this was easier for you.

I am in the process of a ct from subs as well... Im a few days behind you, but we are going through this together.  

Granted, my story is way different, as my highest dose of sub was only 16mgs, but I think this is one case where our maintenance doses really dont matter.  

I made the jump off from 3mgs 57hrs ago almost 2.5 days, and at this stage Im still hangin in there.  For me its not been too bad yet.  I feel ok enough to work a flight (Im a flight attendant) But I think thats due to a few reasons.

Either I havent quite hit that wall yet, or....

Not to sound like an ***, as only you know whats right for you.  But I know that the few times I tried a jump off (Even as low as 1/2mg) in the past, my wd's were aweful after only a few hours. I never thought I would ever get off!

A lot of changes have happened in my life (For the better) and I have got some real support goin on.  I literally woke up in the middle of the night three nights ago and said **** this! And that was it.

Could it be either you are just more succeptable to w/d's or just arent physically ready to jump off yet?

Just playing devils advocate... but in any sense, Im here if you wanna chat, vent, whatever.  You can beat this if you want it!

HS

[JSweets26]

You made it to day 7!! That's fantastic!! Don't give in now, think of how far you've come. Do you really want to make that all for nothing? If you give in now you'll just be stuck doing it all over again. Stay strong and keep going, you're doing amazing =)