Hey DeeDee, thought I would pop my head in to wish you luck my friend.
The way I had to go about making the tough choice was to get angry with it, I had to keep telling myself "this is my life and nothing is going to get in the way of me being happy ever again" my drugs of choice was heroin and valium, I was just sick of being sick you know. I am extremely lucky to not suffer daily with pain like yourself but many on here do, it can be done and I've read many posts mentioning pain levels subsiding once through the detox and out the other side, hoping for the same for you too.
Wishing you nothing but the very best with your quest, you got this, choose life, ;)))
I wanted to offer up my support and lots of best thoughts your way Deedee. It's a tough road but amazing when you decide to make the next step. I'm in the prosses of tapering and have experienced the changes on my to being clean. There is a light at the end of our dark roller coaster ride. :)
You sound so tired of this way of living. I know I was. I had lost myself and Dede there is a new way of living and thinking in this life. Im so pleased you have decided to taper and start living!
One of the most amazing tools in my recovery has been other addicts. There is something so powerful in knowing you are not alone, we all felt this way. It was terrible, not knowing if I should make plans next week, because I wasn't sure what my pill situation would be by then. It was like being in prison for me. Give some thought to your aftercare, whatever that may be for you. For me, I went to outpatient and I also hit a lot of meetings and hearing from other addicts just somehow made it easier to stay the course. You will not regret it, I promise you. If you are able to taper, more power to you, I was never able to. If I had those pills, I was going to take them, and rationalize that I would take less tomorrow, etc. I am sure you have read this before, but once you really decide you want out of this nightmare (that's how it felt to me, lol) there are some things that are so important- Cut your sources, tell your secret, get aftercare. I am pulling for you!
Allison
Once the realization that the benefits of sobriety outweigh the cost, that is when we quit, or seriously start trying anyway. Pills create the illusion that we function better, get more done, are more social, but it is an illusion. It's like when I took LSD as a teen. I was convinced I just wrote the best poem ever and had discovered new depths of reality. That is how it feels, but the poem was garbage and my discovery was a simple thought amplified by drugs. It's hard to see it when one is still using. We can't imagine doing things sober, because our sober memories are so far in the past. After being clean awhile, I honestly wonder how I functioned on drugs, that is harder to believe than how I function sober. So, realize the drugs are deceiving you. I mean, look how many sober people with time say it is easier and better, it's pure logic, of coarse it is. Logic goes out the window in addiction, that is what makes things so hard to believe.
Thank you so much for all your positive and supportive replies. It feels so good to know that I am not the only one who thinks and feels the way I do. We are all the same in so many ways. Amazing how a little pill can dictate your life. "Ok, I have to go grocery shopping at 2pm, so I will pop my pill at 1pm so I'm at my peak energy" or "I have to get ready for work at 6am, so I will get up at 5am and pop my pills so I will be able to take a shower and do my makeup". How sad is that? I have been living like this for a long time. I am getting tired of looking at everything through foggy glasses. I need to see clearly again. I have done it before, I can do it again.
I just got my refills for the month last week. I am going to try and do a slow taper and not get my refills next month. I know you are probably all yelling "Flush them!! Flush them!!" C'mon now, I'm an addict, I cannot bring myself to flush 210 Norco and 120 Percocet. Both of which I paid $10 for with my insurance. That is nuts. How do you stop taking something that (for me) is so cheap and easy to get?? This is going to be a challenge...