day 1 again agh

[sfreeze20]

Hi not really a question I've been lurking on this site for months trying different methods to stop using hydros. I've been using about nine years now and everytme I've quit something happens to where I get prescribed them again and of course I think I can just take my prescription and walk away obviously an addict can't do that but likes to believe they can. Today I've had one and a half vicaprofen which some reason don't get me high like hydros so I have three 7.5 of them trying to use them when it's really bad probably another bad idea . I go back to work Sunday night I'm scared of wd at work **** I'm just plain scared of wd I've done it so many times now . Can a pill addict stay clean ...
Thanks for reading.

[sfreeze20]

Best friend came over I told her what was  going on she helps me decide taper is way to go since I was so sick and can't call in to work so of course this sounds like great plan to me and popped a pill my body feels  a little better I otook half then other half two hours later mentally feel like a loser have to tell hubby he isn't going to freak out on me but I know him and everyone else will be disappointed in me fml

[Goodpersoninside]

Although our loved ones want to understand it's just not possible. But just having someone to comfort you is a tremendous help. I put my spruce through so many WD and always let her down. That feeling is awful butt somehow she still loved me. This last time I kept her and my children in mind and told myself they don't deserve to keep going through this pain because of my selfishness. I too have a real pain a fused spine but was lying about the severity and pain level to feed my addiction. There are days when it's pretty bad and I'm in construction and that's all I know since 15 years old. But Advil and hot showers and baths help. I am 39 days clean and the though of days 1-13 keep me away from the pill. The real pain is nothing compared to those days of hell. You can do this and when you DO you will be so proud of your accomplishment you will forget about the high. Once you feel the high of having your life back it dwarfs that short term high from that little pill. Not to mention the feeling of your family being free as well. I you were in my prayers last night and will continue to be. I'm checking in on you and cannot wait to hear you progress. Please keep fighting and posting so I can celebrate along with you. I'm a stranger but trust me the feeling of freedom is like nothing you've felt in a long long time.. God bless sfreeze20...  

[sfreeze20]

Thank you so much I told my husband what I had planned on doing ( getting the pills ) he feels awful since he don't understand it and he knows I have legit pain but your right there are other ways to fight pain I'm going to try really hard to tough it out it really helps hearing it from people who have actually been thru it until you go thru this you can't understand even if you want to . thank you

[Goodpersoninside]

Yes you can stay clean. I was bad 30 oxi's a day for 13 years. I finally came clean to my PM dr and told her I was abusing. Sure I have a real spine injury but nothing warrants the amount I was taking. She wanted to set me up on a taper but I just said I have to start sometime and said no. I just posted a thread that I'm on day 38 clean. Life is soo much better not chasing the pill. Yes it was so hard and I've WD many times but like you always had a script coming. Never made it more than a week before going to my dr. Now that I'm clean my dr will not prescribe me anymore. The best move ever was being honest and cut it off at the source. My family is now my focus along with my health and nothing stronger than Advil goes in my body. Day 11 was the relief day for me. Yes it's hard but it's not BS when I say every single day gets better. My not feel like it but your body knows and when that day comes you will know it and say damn I am doing this.. Stay strong, I wasn't a religious freak but did turn to the lord and yes he helped me. One way was he lead me here and I was here every minute for the first 15 days and everyone helped me an ways I couldn't imagine. You are now in my prayers and I will be thinking of you. I'm going to keep checking so post often. I'm 45 and lost 13 years of my life to addiction. I will always be an addict but for now have no desire to use and god willing will never again.. God bless and good luck you can and will do this..

[jifmoc]

Just wanted to tell you I agree w/ Sonrissa 10,000%. PLEASE take her advice!!!

[vicki595]

When you're up to it, you can go to the meetings because you definitely need them.

Listen. This is very hard and we know that. We've been through it or are going through it. It's hard to taper and for some it's nearly impossible. You need to have your safeguards and I promise you, if you have 5 pills you'll take them. So if you want this, don't take any more! Forget about picking up some pills or getting the hydro or going to Urgent Care or sneaking around.

Call in sick to work. Plan on being sick (as though you had the flu) for at least 3 days. Stay in bed, drink your fluids and go easy. It can be done but not if you fight it like you are now. You need to let the process play out and I know you feel terrible right now but it passes and every day feels better.

Get yourself some Imodium for tummy issues. It really makes you feel better... and just keep posting here. There's a lot of support.