Major Trigger: Husband

[loveandlight05]

So I have been dealing with a lot lately, and I feel like the universe just will not let up. Tonight, my husband lets me know that he has only made $400 in the last two weeks. If that wasn't bad enough, he has decided that he is going to spend his night hunting down marijuana and not at home with his family. So he will probably easily spend $60 of his measly $400. I am not trying to be offensive, but if you saw our bills, you would know that $400 barely pays for groceries for twins, let alone make a dent in even the electric bill.

The kicker is that it doesn't have to be this way. If he would take the babies down to my mother's house on time, he would get a decent paycheck. At first, my mom was coming down to our house at about 1:30 to take over duties with the babies. If he would leave the house at that time, his check would be almost full. But he never did. He would piddle around the house for two or so hours before he left. Needless to say, she got tired of being used for my husband to have some him time instead of going in to work, so she decided she would rather him take the babies down to her house when he is ready to actually leave for work. I understand her frustration.

He is supposed to have them down there by 1 or so, and he has been bringing them down there at 2 or 2:30. One day I think it was almost 3. His work closes at 6. All they needed him to do was get there by 1, and the check would have been much different. Apparently, he has decided to screw around again.

I pay for everything, and I am about to lose my job. Teachers don't get to break the law and keep their jobs. In a normal relationship, the other spouse would pick up the slack while the one who is fired finds a new job or career. I don't really know if I have any other skills. This is all I have ever done. Before that, I worked in daycare throughout college. All I know is kids, and that is the one place where I will not be allowed to work with a felony on my record. As soon as I am indicted, it is over.

And to add insult to injury, he is out hunting drugs. I am really, really trying to keep it together right now. MedHelp family, please help me. I get really angry when he does this. But I need to stay rational, and logic tells me that it won't matter at all if I yell at him or try to talk to him. It just will not matter. My feelings do not matter in this relationship. I really want a divorce. I don't know what life looks like as a single mom, but it can't be much different. I pay for everything already. He would have to give me more child support than what he makes in a two hour a day job. I am already the one who does everything around the house, so there would be no difference there. He rarely comes home. At least if he didn't live here, I would not feel such hatred towards him getting to do whatever he wants while I am stuck without food or drink because he has decided to not come home, and there is nothing in the house. The babies are asleep, so I can't take them to the store. I don't get paid until Monday, so even if I could take them, there is no money without the tiny check he has.

He does whatever he wants without any consequences because I always cover him. Ever bill is in my name. I had this house from my first marriage, so that is in my name. He is responsible for nothing. When I try to talk to him, it is like I am in an alternate universe. He thinks me doing everything is completely normal.

I am going to be perfectly honest. When I met him, I was freshly divorced and high as a kite. Oh my is it hard dealing with the choices that I have made when high. He is the biggest mistake I have made. I hooked up with the first guy that came along because I was sad and lonely and high. Lord help me fix this mess that I have made.

Will someone please talk to me and try to keep me calm? I need to start making the right choices, but I don't know what they are. What is the best way to handle this. Please, keep in mind that I am about to have to deal with the doctor shopping arrest, and I have two small children. I really, really want yall's advice.

[dominosarah]

If it is nice out why not bundle the babies up and go for a walk.  Get out and get some fresh air.

[loveandlight05]

I'm feeling really down today. Really depressed. He apologized, but it's not enough.

[nonights]

Hey honey you cannot change anothers behavior just your reaction to it. You donot have to pay all the bills especially you do not have to pay for someone to not carry their part. Calm down and start making your plans for how you want to proceed in this mess. Put your attention on doing the next thing not what has already happened. Yes his actions suck but staying angry isnt helping you. I am praying for you.

[dominosarah]

Usually it isnt a good idea to do anything with relationships the 1st year but this one is escalating at a rapid rate.  I know you have said that everything is in your name but is there any way you could take the babies and yourself and go stay with your mom for a bit?  If that cell phone of his is in your name cancel it.  That will free up some money.  Do you have a joint bank account?  He sounds like a spoiled teenager who doesnt have to take any responsibility.  Are there some mothers with young kids at your meetings?  Play dates could be a possibility and would give you time away and someone to talk to.  Take some deep breaths right now as you will get thru this, somehow someway we just do.  You are stronger than you realize~

[jifmoc]

Read jpunc's post again. Go back and re read the other responses to your other posts when you were freaking out. Read them again. Call your sponsor, too.

[loveandlight05]

He told me he is not a child and will not be told to come home. ******* it!! I hate him!!!

[loveandlight05]

I don't even have the Doxepin to help me sleep anymore because I don't have one penny to my name!!!

[loveandlight05]

If I go to jail, my children will have no one. I can't let him keep abusing me over and over. It is more than one person can take. I want him gone. I already told him so. Nothing is in his name. Not even his cell phone. I refuse to be abused anymore. A delayed sentence would simply leave my children in CPS's hands in a year or two. I cannot go to jail. I'm unraveling. ****!!!!

[jpunclepeter]

First take a deep breath. Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different reslut. There is a lot on your plate but focusing on all of your problems at once will overwhelm you. Instead start by saying tomorrow I am going to make the right decisions. Its sounds crazy that someone would spend a fifth of their paycheck to get high but if people thought rationally they wouldn't be addicts. You sound like an intelligent person so you can understand that with time and better decisions things will slowly get better. On your dr shopping charge if your a first time offender ask for drug treatment and anything worse see if you can have a delayed sentence. Then in a year or two esponge your record. It sounds like you were blinded by heartache but now see what needs to be done. I know it sounds cliche but time heals all and with children involved the sense of urgency is escalated enormously. The whole addage is true if you lay down with dogs you get fleas and it sounds as if you own a great dane. One day at a time with rational clear headed thinking and understanding consequences of choices being made will get you back on track. My prayers are with you goodluck.