wish me luck.....

[jt808]

ok well i have my dr. appoitment im going to tell him that i messed up again ,ok well im getting ahead of myself here, for those of u who dont kno me or my story here it goes a shorter version cuz theres alot to it. ok im 26 yrs old male and i have been abusing pills mostly norco 10/325 but i not picky i wopuld pretty much take anythng vicodin,lortab,percs,and so on and i have been doing so for almost 8 yrs now i use to take 60 a day but have recently got myself down to around 32 with a few oxies and roxies a day so i guess i really didnt go down that much it just sounds beter than saying 60 i guess but its just as bad if not worse now that i have been taking more and more oxies/roxies wth my norcos so about 8/9 months ago it all came to a hault and everythng kinda fell apart for me at once that was building up for sum time ok well i was dating my gf who we were planning to get married and had the plans and dates and all well she had NO idea about my habit so one day i came clean and told her because it was just matter of time till she found out so i told her and my family who had no idea either so she left me at my weakest time in life i was so broke and desperate i owed many pople from lending me money for pills i took out big loans maxed out credit cards and scheemed anyway i could to get theses damm thngs so because of this i was about to loose my condo. so after coming clean to everyone it was terriable my gf left me my parents were so ashamed/dissapointed in me and i decided to quite and this was about 9 months ago so i was doing so good for awhile id say about 2/3 months i was clean which was the longest i have ever been clean for in pretty much my WHOLE life cuz before this opiate addiction i had a coke habit for a few yrs before this which i kicked many yrs back so i quite for bout 2/3 months than i relapsed and have been using ever since and this was about 7 months ago and noone has known i kept it all to myself again until recently i dropped a pill on my parents floor that they found and knew rite away that it was mine and tht i was back using this was few days ago so i have still been using and tomorow i have a appoitment wth my dr. who said if i relapsed again he would not be able to help me again cuz i have messed up so many xs before so im just lookinf for a lil good luck and mayb a prayer or two cuz i do not thnk i can do it wth out the help from my dr i belive i am not strong enuf due to the high amount that i have been taking for so many years oh and by the way i did loose my conod few months after the first time and now live wth my parents and i belive that if i do not quite this time i will not be able to saty here anymore im just so scared and confused i mean i want to quite so bad belive me i do but its like a love/hate relationship wth these dam pills i hate the way that i feel on these pills they have completely changed me as a person i am not the fun loving high energy person i once was i use to be the life of the party out all nite hanging out wth friends laughing and just being me i havent actually been ME in sum time nowand its so sad i just hope to be back to me normal again. im sry this is all over the place i just have so much to say and its all spilling out. so i just ate the last of my pills 46 mins ago and hopefully that wil be the last time ever i have these lil pills of pain. so wish me luck and i al going to need support because even tho my family is here for me they just dont totally get it and i hate to tell them what really going on wth me cuz im embarrased to.so i am really going to need u all and for those of u who have heard this before i am sorry but i am giving this my all i know i have tried and failed many xs before but know i have to change things up cuz obviously they didnt wrk the other xs i did it just taking it one small step at a time to get thru this aweful experience. and if anyone needs to talk or anythng just ask ill be here as best as i can for ya all. wish me luck and sry this post was all over the place.

[troubleinohio]

jt wishing you all the best. i can feel your desperation and anxiety throughout your post and the heartbreak. you have been down a very long bumpy road for so many years. My heart goes out to you, it really does.  what exactly are you going to ask your doctor about today? a taper?  Sub? methadone?  a detox program? clonidine/ and benzos? Im not quite sure what yuor appt is for. Please keep us posted. im offering you my hand in support.

[gizzy32]

Good luck jt! I hope you stick to it this time and listen to your dr. We can't do this alone. It's good to see you back posting again. Please please give this everything you have. You will be yourself again, but you have to stop these damn pills once and for all. Most of us have had to make changes to stay clean, but it's worth it. NOW BE  A GOOD BOY, lol. You can do this bud, it's now or never. Good luck:)

[worried878]

What type of work do u do??  I am a nurse so inpatient stuff is a proble cos it is reported to the licensing board....it is doubtful ur job/unless u r in a profession like mine//would find out due to hipppa...big time privacy rules...google HIPPA...now if u r gne for a long time//i would think u would ave to have an explanation...but there r 30 day and less inpatient facilities plus there r daily outpatient facilities so thhe person can work and do the therapy.....have u tried aa or na yet???it is free

[jt808]

thnks, what is a in gouse detox center and wth my job the only way o would be abould to go away to rehab would be if there is any way that my work would have no way of finding out? is that possible to have done that u heard of or know?

[scaredmom330]

You have taken the first step, now you need to come clean with your doctor. can you get in a inhouse detox center? That would be a big help, it is hard to get clean by yourself but c/t is the way most people do it. Read the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol. get gatoraid and bananas. execise when you can, even walking outside for a few minutes. you can do this. I believe in you. there are so many people here that have gone through what you are or are doing it the same time. post and keep posting. we are here to support you not judge you. take care my friend and pm me anytime you need to talk.