Hey, new here

[Kriddlebug]

Hey all.. This is my first discussion ever about my problem.  I was thinking tonight and finally realizing that the way I live my life is not right, about 5 minutes ago I typed "addiction forum" on google, and found this.
I am 22 years old. I am a mother.  I am in a nursing RN program at a local college.  I have a good job, good family, good friends.  My problem is pills.
I feel like they are the only thing that can make me feel truly happy and relaxed.  I love pain killers, or adderol.  When I have access to them, I take them on a daily basis and when I am running low I feel really depressed.
I love the feeling of euphoria that they give me.  I love everyone and everything when I'm on them, and when I'm not, I am constantly worrying about school, work, and being paranoid over whether or not my loving relationship with my boyfriend will come to an end one day like they all have for me.  Life feels empty when I'm not on pills.  I've tried antidepressents, but I got bored with how they just made everything "okay" instead of "super!" like when I'm on narcotics.  
I don't know what to do about this.  I don't even know if I want to stop because I love the feeling I get when I am on them.  But I don't want to have to rely on this to make me happy.  My life isn't the way I want it (I would much rather be a stay at home mom to my children and cook dinner everynight for the love of my life, my boyfriend, and us go to sleep together everynight, but money is not allowing this to happen).
I don't know.  I guess I just needed to get my story out.  No one else knows about my "problem" and I just need someone to talk to.
Thanks

[kberrier]

I know you posted a while ago, but just read this and thought I'd comment.  I need to write down my feelings as well. I am now 36 hours on my detox off of oxycotin.  It's been hard, but getting so much support from my husband.  I honestly thought I was the only one who felt this way about taking pills.  I take pills because everything is so much better when I am taking them.  I am a stay at home mom and I only do thing if I am on pills.  I won't start cleaning house, laundry or anything until my first pill of the day kicked in. Everything is so much better when I'm on my Oxy's. I just finally hit a wall the other day and decided I need to get clean.  I need to live my life as a normal person and not as an addict.  The weird thing is I was only taking 2- 10mg of oxy's a day.  I know this isn't much but I've been doing this for four years now. Last night was my first full day of being off them and it really sucked.  If it wasn't for my husband helping me I don't know what I would have done.  I really hope it gets better for me. I feel better today, but hope that day three I'll feel even better.  I just want to be normal again.  I hope it will get this way for you as well.  Thanks for listening.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome to the forum! This was moved so more could answer you too.

[enemy48]

Hi there~

Glad you posted on this forum.  You will get a lot of answers and a good education on addiction here.

You didn't mention how long you have been using each drug, and what kind of painkillers are your DOC.

There's an Addiction Substance Forum that I suggest you post on also.

Tell us how long you've used and how many of each you do daily.  We've all been there and can assist you with whatever questions you have now and in the future.

I'm curious to know how you got started with each drug.  Also if you're in nursing do you plan to work in a hospital?  Don't they drug test you randomly?  Now would be a good time to reflect on this problem for your future.

How old is your child?  Boy or girl?  

I was alone with my problem too.  But here, everyone is in the same boat so you can talk about anything with us.

I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

[sadinmichigan]

welcome to the forum..you have come to the right place..I think alot of us can identify with what your feeling but trust me..that will not last..it will take more and more to acheive the high you are craving..your the only one that can make this decision..maybe it would help to read things here about what has happened to people. They will eventually destroy all that you have..don't let that happen...feel free to pm me anytime..I do understand what your going through..you are here so it is a good sign..