finding out how to live sober

[Dane74]

HEllO all, Yes i am back and not proud that's for sure.  Unfortunately i am not strong enough to go the CT route and this site is more accepting of the CT peeps but i do know i need all the help i can get to taper.  I know that we are not allowed to discuss taper's but lets just say i am starting at 5 a day and slowly coming down from there.  In the end really the hardest challenge is to stay clean,  so whether or not its CT or taper we all have one goal in mind and thats to STAY CLEAN!!!!  Well folks, that is just not easy for me and im sure for any of us.  I mean i need to be honest, i love being high, i love not to feel, i love just taking a pill and then feeling great, but YES, pills turn on you like your worst enemy, YES, they mess with your mind and there really is only one option before death and that  is to STOP!!!!  So here i am, looking to rid my body of these toxins and learn how to live sober, that's the biggest fear of all, i dont know life without drugs and honestly i dont want too, i know i sound pathetic, but i just know of all places this is where i can be 100 percent honest.  So here i go  trying to tackle this head on and finding ways to learn to rethink things since my way is so warped.  

[bama88]

Oh dana...ally says hello....she wants to talk to YOU....i told her about you

[Dane74]

OHHH my sweet bama, thanks for being my rock through all of this.  Bama, remember this about me and Ally, we dont want to be strong, we just dont have a choice, and people think we are stronger than we really are, i have felt that my entire life.  Growing up with a disability is no easy task and you dont have a choice to be tough because peers and teachers look at you different its just society, just like society does not understand addiction they do not  understand kids with disabilities.  My heart and soul goes out to Allly how is it she is a mirror of me is mind blowing, but bama, just know that i personally hated being told "you are so strong" , because it always made me feel even more disabled, does that make any sense?  I wanted to be treated normal even though i wasnt.   All i wanted was normalcy just like Ally.  As for the surgery we discussed, i believe she will so benefit from it and it will improve her quality of life, just pick the surgeon wisely and get 2nd opinion.  NOW, what you wrote about Allly,  I get what your saying, you may forget at times and thats OK but Ally and i we just cant forget, it affects our every move every step, just everything its a constant reminder.  Bama you are a great Mom and only want the best for your girl, just love her, hold her tight, and let her scream and shout out her pain not only physical pain but the mental part too, thats even worse.  Being different makes you look stronger but its  false, deep within we hate to be this way.  Sometimes its nice to hear how are you feeling today? OR How was your pain?  Keep the communication going and try to talk about it often, i felt talking about it was a good thing amongst family.  Bama, just know you are doing a great job, and just keep your options open and technology is on our side that's a positive.  God has a plan and one day we will figure it out, i was taught that god only gives us what we can handle.  I understand you dying desire to take all of Alleys pain and fears away but you cant but what you can do is be here Mommy, and you do that perfect!  As for the pills, you never know, it could very well happen or it could not, but since you and hubby been down that road before you will be prepared if Allley goes down that path.  Also on a side note walking uneven all these years really effected my back so watch out for her back and have her wear shoes as much as possible to help even her out, it will help to try and keep her back aligned.  Sending hugs and kisses and prayers your way my friend!!! XOXO

[ImDONENoMore]

Definitely - it's the general state of being for all of us.  Finding a way to focus on the good and not the bad because we will always be surrounded by bad - it's just the way life is.

The therapy you get in rehab is going to help you a lot dane, I really think it will.  You'll get there - and don't be in such a hurry to get through this - the journey will always matter more than the destination.  We learn more from that.

[vicki595]

We're only human Dana and that includes you!  You are not a loser and I see that...you can't see it though and that's a big problem, separate from the addiction, although it contributes to it.  I think that if you saw yourself through different eyes and looked at your place in this life, you'd be able to drop the pills more easily...

I know it's complicated. I know it's hard to live with a handicap (or missing body part).  Living can be damn hard!  We just have to constantly look to the brighter side of everything. We have to work at being well every, single day. Most people do...

You know there are worse things in life than being addicted to Percocet! Much worse!  So look at it this way: you're in very good company!

You have my friendship and support and you know I take that very seriously!

Keep writing here. It really is a very hopeful time for you and soon you're going to feel relieved of the burden!    xoxo

[bama88]

Well dana i like you. i like it when you argue. lmao. i am just stubborn. i throw tantruems. lol. just like a two year old...you know i will always always be YOUR BIGGEST FAN

[Dane74]

Hey Girl,  We might of had some differences in the past but hey isn't that normal?  We are two very opinionated ladies.  I mean shoot look at me and Vicki we go back and forth all the time but i love her to pieces...XOXO.  And Sara i love her too, but man she dishes it out in only one sentence...now thats talent...LMAO   Ok so i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of our times together and i will forever be grateful to you about the Ultram, still to this day i will always remember what you told me about that drug and still i FIGHT with the dr's , i have come to the conclusion that these pain management places (NOT ALL) are just legal drug dealers and push what ever drug they get more money for, its sad but i still stand my ground on the ultram, and thank you.  I almost to be honest went back on it, as the dr suggested, he wanted me on it for the WD and pain, i never did and thanks to you.......OK now i can argue with you again...LOL this is my lowest of lows i have never felt this sick, depressed, just a complete mess, i cry all day you name it i feel like im having a nervous breakdown, for me even to tell my hubby that i am a drug addict, girl i cant get any lower than that!!!!!  


Littlebit,  hi sweet girl, i am glad to say you have been reading my posts if anything we all can relate to someone on here, i read posts too, most i do not comment on and some i do, but i am always reading:)  As for my strength, NO i am not strong, i was always told that since a child its the image that comes across that i am this strong tuff girl, but honestly i am just a weak soul who is lost and confused.  Thanks for your kind works, i am happy somebody likes me cause i don't like myself ...