help with beating Khat, kat methcathinone, jeff or kitty

[slim67]

Hello Everyone, I been reading this blog and I see a lot of hope and support, I was introduced to kat and flunitrazapem in 2005 by my ex girlfriend and hated it, but became accustomed to it by being around her, I have managed months at a time staying away, but sadly I also suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and my body does not produce enough serotonin, I have been on antidepressants (citalopram) since July last year after a suicide attempt, the trouble is when I feel low and hopeless I go on a self destructive pattern, I use 3 or 4 grams a week and then end up feeling worse than ever, I try really hard to abstain, but in those moments of weakness I forget how the after effects make me feel and in an impulsive moment call up my life destroying supplier, I really really want to stop abusing this substance, on numerous times I deleted my suppliers number and yet somehow in my lows I manage to obtain it again, my family doesn’t know about my dark clouds over my head, I really need help battling these demons, I have an extremely high IQ and yet I’m not smart enough to tackle substance abuse, I want to do this on my own, I want to know that I have the strength to beat it and become a better person and motivate others that we have the will power to overcome our dilemmas, so humbly on my knees I beg for assistance

[slim67]

Ok by me being here, and also keep posting tells me that I want to get and stay clean, I have to identify my triggers and avoid them completely, all I been doing is feeling sorry for myself, I am going to tackle this demons, I am going to be a better person,   you feel your true strength in the experience of pain, being clean is made of making little changes in your lifestyle, stress management etc but on the bright side it gives us the chance to start over clean, well that's just my two cents lol

[slim67]

Okay I just read this and I feel like there is hope, I really need to work on my coping mechanisms, substance abuse can and will be beat!

Relapse is a common part of the recovery process from drug addiction. While relapse is understandably frustrating and discouraging, it can also be an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and correct your treatment course.

[IBKleen]

I don't know why you think you can't find love or be married? You sound very despondent..it concerns me.

[slim67]

Any advice concerning the below post

Lord take these broken wings, I need your hands to heal me so I can fly until the end of time. I have been carrying an incurable hsv2 virus for 10 years, caught it at a clinic, I accept the fact that I can never be married or have kids,I accept I'm going to die alone, no wife or kids  I wouldn't want anyone to carry this burden knowing every moment of every day it's eating away your confidence and self esteem , then came the major Depressive Disorder, I thought if I od'd I will make life easier for my family, god gave me this burden for a reason, no one knows my struggle they only see the trouble, no one I know witnessed struggles I survived, will I survive the darkness I don't know, Lord give me the strength to fight my demons, I don't open up to anyone because I don't want to burden anyone else with my troubles, dear god please remember this face to let me in, I am really trying, but how much longer can my strength carry this baggage on my shoulders

[slim67]

I really am, it just feels like I'm walking in the dark, been really despondent yesterday And today, I just withdraw into a shell, I don't want to burden my family and friends, so I put on a happy face but inside I just keep praying for death, I'm just feeling so lost, my motivation, my initiative, character and inspiration have gotten lost somewhere along this path, every time I see a little light in this dark tunnel, instead of hope it's a train pushing me back further

[weaver71]

For me, the original vision was to be satisfied without any drugs. I have many issues that will never go away, intense psychological imbalance, that official diagnosis has prevented me from getting jobs, but I am over qualified for menial work, so the local businesses have told me. I know that problems seem bigger than life, but that is partly the drugs talking. Of coarse I want some relief, to escape, to not have to feel. Problem is, that short vacation doesn't solve any problem nor improve ones thinking to solve it or accept it.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

There is no problem so huge that drugs can't make it worse.

Try to focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. You will find that doing little things each day to make things better add up. I wanted to die at the end, so I felt like I had nothing to lose, how much worse can it get than wanting to die? So, it's hard, but you can get your inspiration back and live out some dreams. I didn't believe it when I heard that, but I had nothing to lose. Luckily, all these people were right and I was so desperate I actually listened. Hang in there bud, keep trying to find new ways to cope. It will be so worth it.