Does this cycle ever end?

[blondiiexo]

I have been using Oxycontin for about 1 1/2 now, ive been snorting around 80-140 Mg's a day. I have tried to stop so many other times and it has always come down to going back to them. I can not do it any more! I am about to go into the medical field and i cant afford this habit anymore! I have went behind my boyfriend and my families back to do these stupid things, stealing from them, and lying to them. I feel like the worst person in the world. I am suffering from such deep depression and anxiety that I am in tears writing this. I don't know what else to do, I've used suboxin and it does help me but for some reason I still go back weather its peer pressure or my own temptation. I just wish I could be the person I used to be, I never did drugs and I was always such a happy girl. I was a good girl, and now I feel like I could burn in hell tomorrow for all the things I have done. Its hard to get away from these things also my boyfriend and all of our friends do them, its just like a never ending cycle! THAT NEEDS TO STOP! So I dont know if anyone can give me advise on depression and anxiety treatments for right now, i am prescribed to xanax (i do not abuse those, and I'm also due to get more but I haven't put in the request). Anyones help/support is greatly appreciated. Thank you!!  

[blondiiexo]

Thank you to everyone for your support i am now 21 days sober!

[Breezystorms]

Blondi.. Im going through addiction with Lortabs.. I just now started.. like in the last couple hours.. so day one started at midnight.. needless to say i have started having wd's yet but Im ready to start this process.. you can read my story as I posted it earlier. I would love to chat with you and keep in touch.. it always helps to do it with someone.. write me anytime..  

INK..My heart goes out to you.. as I've lost 3 family members to drugs and or alcohol.. none of them committed suicide but they all 3 were in car accidents all 3 different times..while under the influence.  I am so sorry to hear that you lost your loved one. Addiction doesnt have feelings and it doesnt care who it hurts. People think that its only their problem and its not hurting anyone but them.. but thats not true.. addiction affects everyone you love in some way or another. XOXO Many Prayers Sweetie.. Hang in There.

[inkyb123]

My husband, Stephen, the light of my life, became addicted to oxycotton last Spring. After blowing through $40k in 2 months, he was 'outed' at work and went to rehab. He stayed clean until last October. From then until the end of February he spent $52K on more. He had kicked alcohol in the past and was a brilliant, loving person in all respects. Two weeks ago after detoxing for a second time from oxycotton, he gave up hope of quitting and killed himself using other antidepressant drugs. My life is shattered without him. I know he struggled so hard to quit and I know you are too. Please, please, please, get yourself in a safe place and change everything about your life to shake this stuff. Tell the people you love and beg them to keep you safe. I will be sending my best thoughts to you.

[worried878]

welcome...good advice above and not much more to add..cept to emphasize the importance of aftercare...and to keep posting as this is a great place for u to be right now..lots of support

[cathy5841]

welcpme to the forum.  you could definately use some help with this fight.  like gizzy said, meetings or a counsellor. this is hard and we need to learn how to live sober and deal with life  on lifes terms.  you can do this but youhave to want it more than anything and be willing to suffer some to get it.  stick with it and it is well worth it.  you will have to stop sontact with the friends that use.  when an addict is face to facr with their DOC hten rarely say no.  good luck and keep us posted.

[blondiiexo]

thank you for all ur advice..
im hoping to see a consilour to help with everything
my boyfriend got into this with me and sometimes its sooo hard for him to understand what im going threw he does not suffer from any depression or anxiety and i feel like all i need is his support, he says it all in my head and i shouldnt be like this. its so hard when the person u love has no idea what ur going threw even when he does MORE then i do and MORE often.
i guess i really should talk to someone professional im just nervous of hearing myself say how i actually am....

[avisg]

The cycle can end but you have to choose for it to happen with every bone in your body .You are going to need some support whether its seeing a therapist or NA something someone to lean on when the going gets rough you can get clean and stay that way when you are ready.

[gizzy32]

It took me a long time to quit. I would make it a few days and always go back. For 5 years i was caught in this viscious cycle until i got some help. Did you do any type of aftercare while on suboxone? Have you ever thought of attending N/A, seeing a counsellor? There are usually deeper issues to our use and with some help you can change these destructive patterns now. Your not a bad person, but drugs change us and leave us with little hope. What are you willing to do? It takes more than saying I am just gonna quit. As far as the depression someone else here can give you some advice. talk to your dr about it. I wish you the best and hope you get some help that is available