how many times did you relaps

[bama88]

I'm starting a new thread. My question is what's the average relapse. I couldn't even make it three days. Three little days. When I say that it sounds so trivial. Ive got so much working against me. I have absolutely no support. My husband is always always using. That's extremely hard. Then my pain got the best of me. I realized how much pain I'm really in. I realized the death grip.the pills have on our mind. It's such a battle. I made such a rash decision about my addiction. Plus my pain. I'm really lost right now. I found na meetings. I don't think I can do this the way I tried. I really am angry and depressed. Please respond about relapsing. I need help ASAP. I want to beat this disease but I'm nothing but a complete failure.

[dede2121]

Bama so glad u went to a meeting. I enjoyed going. I went everyday for 3 months. I think partly where I failed was that I rarely spoke at the meetings or seek out a sponsor. I think I was still trying to make myself believe I wasn't an addict and didn't need a sponsor. Next time I go i will seek a sponsor and be more involved.  

[jlannaa]

i read through all your posts and i'm sorry you are having such a hard time , yesterday is gone but you have been blessed with a new day your a strong woman and you can do this i know its easier said than done but i promise it does get better , just keep up the fight :)

[bama88]

It's a new day. I slept a total of zero.I.want to.forget about yesterdays relapse and my day of denial. I just don't think I have the strength to continue. Hobby was passed out. I'm so sick of his sleeping. I've went through a year of his work then sleep routine. I never get to ' spend time' with him. I do want to go to in-house recovery. But the way work went yesterday. No way. I almost got fired from taking off work. And I had blood clots. Really. I'm so scared about loosing my job. I've worked my arse off to get where I am in the company I work for.. if I dared mention addiction now they would tell me to pack it up. And now this quitting on my plate. I am the bread winner of my family. Yes my husband works but its not enough money to keep us in the lifestyle were at. I've got all the benefits not him. That doesn't matter to me. It's my job I'm worried about. I did throw away all my extras. I want to be done with this. I am tired of this addiction. I feel like all I am doing is failing. I keep falling down daily. I'm so weak when it comes to this. I have no control over this.

[minn66]

Bama, no apologies necessary. This is so difficult. The wd is difficult and then, at least for me, admitting that I allowed it to get so bad. I did manage to finally get a little more sleep last night and that helped. I am battling again with the going to work thing though. I just want to stay home, and I am worried about Thanksgiving.

I really do admire your strength and spunk. In spite of what your hubby is doing, you came here and decided to quit. I saw your story and thought, you know, she is so strong and I can do it, too. Since I found this site a couple of days ago I have gotten encouragement and strength from you and others here. We can do this. I know it is a battle. My stomach is still a mess and I feel jittery but slowly it is getting better. Keep on fighting. I will post when I can, I am getting ready to fight through day three of work. I am praying for you and everyone else.

[bama88]

Their flushed. God that was hard. If I offered anyone Im sorry. But I will look for a sponsor when i get more comfortable. I know I need one. Thanks for keeping me in check. I really need you all. I'm lost confused scared ashamed depressed. I don't know why I took that stupid pill to work with me. What was I thinking. I was scared of pain. I promise to give my pain two more weeks before I make a judgement call. I promise. I'll put my Lidoderm patch on. And take my motrin. Please accept my stupidity and my sincere apology.

[Bocephus_]

You got guts. I give that for sure. Good luck and good night.

-Bo