Aa
how to stay away
these stories are tugging at my heart, my addiction has turned me into a person I don't even recognize, I need help to end this battle with oxycodone.
first i want to say congradulations and I am looking forward to being able to say that one day I do have a family doctor and I do like him except he cut me off and offered no additional help with anything I had to beg for the zofran in that I feel he was wrong but it is whatever fact is I did this to myself.
and you are right the shame is what has me and I never looked at in the way you said that to me so thank you for opening my mind to that fact.
I do have insuance however I can't go to rehab bc I can't be absent from my husband. I think the worse part of it is all the pain of what Ive put him threw and the added pressure Ive put on him. I know alot of it was self medicating myself to ease my pain and fears of his sickness, I became depressed and i found something that gave me much needed engery and I thought I had it all under control know sitting here I am just flooded with so much at one time, but I am trying to just take it hour by hour day by day. I am thankful that there is no medicie in the house for these upcoming weeks and no money to buy on teh street. bc it forces me to stay clean. I do plan on having a serious talk with my husband about what to do with his script when he gets it bc just knowing that its here just drives me nuts. I am so thankful for finding this site bc all of you have helped me I havent been able to reply to everyone but I have taken time to get on and read everything so please guys keep talking I am listening and medhelp people is all I have at the moment until I can find other resources to go to. Thank you all again... I will keep posting and NeverAgain127 keep it up and keep posting I will be following you
and you are right the shame is what has me and I never looked at in the way you said that to me so thank you for opening my mind to that fact.
I do have insuance however I can't go to rehab bc I can't be absent from my husband. I think the worse part of it is all the pain of what Ive put him threw and the added pressure Ive put on him. I know alot of it was self medicating myself to ease my pain and fears of his sickness, I became depressed and i found something that gave me much needed engery and I thought I had it all under control know sitting here I am just flooded with so much at one time, but I am trying to just take it hour by hour day by day. I am thankful that there is no medicie in the house for these upcoming weeks and no money to buy on teh street. bc it forces me to stay clean. I do plan on having a serious talk with my husband about what to do with his script when he gets it bc just knowing that its here just drives me nuts. I am so thankful for finding this site bc all of you have helped me I havent been able to reply to everyone but I have taken time to get on and read everything so please guys keep talking I am listening and medhelp people is all I have at the moment until I can find other resources to go to. Thank you all again... I will keep posting and NeverAgain127 keep it up and keep posting I will be following you
Oh honey, I know what you are going through. I took oxycodone for 8 years too. I made reckless decisions, and practically destroyed my health.
You need a starting point. The following are just suggestions...I am a baby here..just 37 days clean, and they've been hard, but NO ONE is going to steal them from me, certainly not some little pink pill.
1. Do you have a family doctor? Do you like him/her? Talk to this person. Tell them the TRUTH. They will not judge, and if they do, walk out and find another doctor. You are on a pretty high dose...a doctor might want to put you on a tapering schedule.
People here warn against methadone; I have no experience with it, except I do know that it is almost exclusively indicated for people who are shooting heroin. A doctor might mention suboxone therapy. Again, read, read, read, and make your best decision in conjunction with a doctor.
2. The Shame. That is what is eating you up alive. This is a DISEASE. Would you feel badly about yourself if you had cancer, lupus, diabetes? Of course not. Millions of people are fighting this same illness of addiction. They fill rehab centers every day. You are not a bad person. But you do have a bad disease...and there IS hope.
3. Can you go to a rehab? Do you have insurance? Does your husband know? You say he is dying. I'm so sorry...you must be under an enormous amount of stress and pressure. Go easy on yourself.
4. Don't worry about posting correctly on here...no one cares, honestly. Just stay here and talk to us. First step though...you must get medically checked out.
God Bless sweetie...please post again.
-R.
You need a starting point. The following are just suggestions...I am a baby here..just 37 days clean, and they've been hard, but NO ONE is going to steal them from me, certainly not some little pink pill.
1. Do you have a family doctor? Do you like him/her? Talk to this person. Tell them the TRUTH. They will not judge, and if they do, walk out and find another doctor. You are on a pretty high dose...a doctor might want to put you on a tapering schedule.
People here warn against methadone; I have no experience with it, except I do know that it is almost exclusively indicated for people who are shooting heroin. A doctor might mention suboxone therapy. Again, read, read, read, and make your best decision in conjunction with a doctor.
2. The Shame. That is what is eating you up alive. This is a DISEASE. Would you feel badly about yourself if you had cancer, lupus, diabetes? Of course not. Millions of people are fighting this same illness of addiction. They fill rehab centers every day. You are not a bad person. But you do have a bad disease...and there IS hope.
3. Can you go to a rehab? Do you have insurance? Does your husband know? You say he is dying. I'm so sorry...you must be under an enormous amount of stress and pressure. Go easy on yourself.
4. Don't worry about posting correctly on here...no one cares, honestly. Just stay here and talk to us. First step though...you must get medically checked out.
God Bless sweetie...please post again.
-R.
Hey honey. Dont worry about posting correctly and all that stuff. Just keep talking to us. Stop with the self disgust as you know you have a problem and are willing to work on it. Doing the next thing right is all you can do. I was on hydro for 18 years and was taking 7 to 10 a day. I have almost 10 months clean now. And yes it is worth it. Yes its hard. The mental stuff comes flooding back and all the emotions we numbed come back and you have to learn how to work your way through them. But wow what growth. I have learned so much about myself. But you need help understanding yourself. Go to na or aa, counseling, church. Reach out to as many as you can. This is a we diease not a me diease. Try to surrender to the process. You have got to get those pills away from your access so you dont have to go thru this again. Hang on it will get better.
im sorry I have no idea what I am doing I have never been on a site like this I don't even know if I am adding or posting my responses correctly.
For almost 8 years anywhere from 5-6 15mg oxycodones and 2-3 30mg snorting them I can't seem to find where I just posted this very long story of my battle I hope you can see it and read it I just feel very overwhelmed and sad, and honestly I hate myself for what I have become. what kind of person steals pain meds from their dieing husband I don't deserve his love or any love or kindness I honestly feel like I derserve what I am going threw.. I just can't stand the reality of what I have done I guess and I have to deal with it when I can't cover it up with pills. the problem is I can't keep enough pills around to keep me numb anymore the pain of what I have become and what I have done at times is just to painful to deal with.
For almost 8 years anywhere from 5-6 15mg oxycodones and 2-3 30mg snorting them I can't seem to find where I just posted this very long story of my battle I hope you can see it and read it I just feel very overwhelmed and sad, and honestly I hate myself for what I have become. what kind of person steals pain meds from their dieing husband I don't deserve his love or any love or kindness I honestly feel like I derserve what I am going threw.. I just can't stand the reality of what I have done I guess and I have to deal with it when I can't cover it up with pills. the problem is I can't keep enough pills around to keep me numb anymore the pain of what I have become and what I have done at times is just to painful to deal with.
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