Hope for percocet addiction?

[deederrs]

My boyfriend of 7 years has been recreationally abusing percocet for some time now. We have a 5 year old son together. He knows that I have never been ok with him using them for recriational purposes and I have made that VERY clear to him several times. We have actually separtated for almost a year because he was not willing to kick the "bad influences" or abusing the drug. He made me out to be the crazy psycho girlfriend because I was never ok with it. Recently in about august of 2010 we moved back in with eachother thinking things were better and life was good. I found paraphanelia and evidence of abuse every few months. I think he got better and better at hiding it each time I would discover something. He would do well for a few months and then I would suspect it again. Most recently I found a receipt for tin foil and tried to talk to him about it. When it came down to it I drug tested him and it came out to be much worse than I thought it would ever be. I suspected oxys to come up on the test but there was also methadone. He then broke down and admitted to me that he had stole the methadone from a friend not knowing what it actually was and that he had been buying pills here and there and abusing again. I dont believe fully what he had to say, but I know he has a problem. I feel that he is lying to the extent of his addiction and also I dont feel he is fully ready to get help because he wont admit he has a problem and is saying that he will quit on his own... which I have heard a thousand times it feels like. He promises to get help in some form ( counseling, NA, etc) His mom also recently died from overdose on pills. He dealt with her addiction his whole life. I gave him an ultamatum...you get help or I will leave. I gave him that option because truly from the bottom of my heart, I love him to death, but I cannot live my life like this anymore. I cant wonder if hes lying to me, if hes high, who hes haniging out with when Im not around, where our money has gone. I cant do it. I am not living for me anymore. I feel hurt and betrayed that he has lied to me so much and was so selfish as to put me and his son through this pain. I dont know what to do anymore. It has been a week so far and he has not made the effort to get help yet. He is used to me doing mostly everything for him. I dont want to seek out the help for him this time because I feel it will not benefit him if he does not do it himself. Do I leave and let him realise and hit rock bottom with the chance that he may never change? What is the best I can do at this time?

[newinrecovery]

I don't want to sound like the pot calling the kettle black, because I recently relapsed.  I went to treatment for abusing lortabs that were prescribed to me for osteoarthritis.  I also had started to drink alcohol with them a few months back.  I would self medicate with the wine when I knew I was going to be around a guy I was trying to rekindle a relationship with because I never felt like I deserved to have someone love me.  I know I have to quit.  I live alone and am not involved with anyone right now.  I am still attending meetings and have a temporary sponsor.  

I learned that addiction is a disease and while your boyfriend has the disease of addiction, he has a responsibility as a parent and your significant other to recover or get out of the relationship.  Your son, especially your son, does not have a choice who his father is, and it is very unhealthy for him to be around him when he is not clean.  I think you know the right thing to do.  You and your son deserve better, and as long as you continue to tolerate his lack of effort to get clean, he will not begin to try and get clean.  He is manipulating you, and at this point you are allowing it.  You sound like a very strong woman, and I would definitely draw the line in the sand and stick to it.

I am sure you are not gaining anything from the relationship as it is right now, so set your boundaries now while you are strong and show him you will not tolerate him using and continue in this relationship.  I am sorry his mother passed on and I am sure he has scars from that relationship.  That is probably a huge part of the pain in his life that causes him to want to self-medicate.  While it is obvious he is grieving, (or not grieving and self-medicating as the case may be), he has to find the will to get better and move forward.  It is ok for you to put yourself and your son first.  Your boyfriend needs you to be strong too, by not allowing him to continue using and still have the pleasure of you and your son in his life each and every day.  You can do it... I know you can...

Good luck, I hope I was of some help. -B-

[justneedtotalk]

It sounds like you have made all of the effort....have you tried an intervention?  Is there enough people around that he respects?  You cannot blame him too much because he is an addict....you can only show an addict to water....you cannot make him drink.  Unfortunately, no matter how much you care and how much past and present you have with him will make him go to treatment or counceling until he decides for himself....You can however arrange an intervention or (I hate to use this word....Altimatum).  He obviously cares about you or he would not make up the lies and try to decieve you, usually people who don't give a rats will blatantly go about their way.  I commend you for your efforts but I think you need a professional opinion....Interventions need to be structured correctly and not hap hazardly put together.  Message anytime and I truly wish you the best of luck!

[deederrs]

He has agreed to see a counselor, but has made no effort. I am afraid that if I do all the work for him by doing all the research and making the appointment that it will not truly help him. I feel like if he doesnt do it for himself, then he is just doing it to make me happy. When his mom passed away three months ago I suggested that he see a counselor to deal with his emotions. He even went so far as to talk crap about pill addicts and how crazy he thought I was for accusing him of doing that after his mom just died from pill overdose. I really did start to think I was becoming dillusional. Well now he admitts that he was using it to "cope" or to forget about things. I feel sensitive to that, but it is still not an excuse.

[justneedtotalk]

This is a tough situation....Have you ever considered dependent care?  There are many programs out there that can help you with this situation.  You know that he is truly abusing the drugs and he has no short term goal of stopping.  You cannot allow yourself to be an enabler but you want to make it work for yourself and your mutual child.  This is something that you need professional help to solve correctly.  He is caught up in his addiction and he is more afraid of detoxing vs. getting caught.  It is only the desease talking and if you could some how get him to some kind of formal counceling he might have a chance to actually sober up.....It sounds like he has a very supportive person in his life (You) and that is a great beginning....Just do not let yourself get taken advange of and make sure that YOU are happy....Good luck and God bless!