im going to try to detox (anybody who is new to this or even long time clean HELP please im so scarred )

[gutsnglitter]

(i wonder if anyone is where im at or past withdrawal but still new please tell me how it was and how they did it i dont know if what happend today and medication i received is going to work)
i decided last night if im wanting this i should just do it, i was going to wait a bit and set a date but i just want to be clean now, i dont like the anticipation of dreading the withdrawal so i went to a detox this morning and they turned me away, they were full, and cant go back to try and get in till monday so i went to a doctor, one i didnt know so i could tell them everything and not feel so ashamed he said i must tell mine though...yeah we will see
so this doctor gave me diazapam i think i spelled that wrong and attivan and arthrotec i guess thats an anti inflammatory for my pain? who knows havnt looked it up yet.
so im gona do it, i gave the rest of my pills to a friend and told them i dont want to see them or pills again, he didnt seem to care about me ditching him.
so im starting this morning
Also someone asked in my post from yesterday if i get help for my anxiety,
i used to before all this became a problem but i haven't been going to my therapist for about a year and stopped taking my medication about a year ago as well because well i stopped going to my appointments and stopped getting prescriptions, when i take alot of oxy's i feel ok, not much anxiety so it was unnecessary to bother in my mind, at the time, i am going to start going again after im clean and i will tell them everything and see if they may be able to help with the addiction also.
i think with reading all the happy clean story's on here it will help me through the worst,
still have not felt like posting into anybody's other post's, still scarred i guess.
the people here seem nice but im shy and anxious and dont know how to get involved very well and i really wish i could,
i know it would be helpful to become involved but i dont want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong i guess,
i feel very strange right now i wish i could just be normal
i am sorry i may seem off, but honestly i have never felt fear like this before
i am so afraid and not just for the withdrawal but the staying away from these drugs for the future, if anyone has any thoughts or advise PLEASE i need it and anybody who is just starting and have days weeks even ahead of me, please talk to me i am desperate
ok well it took me 25 minutes to write this because i am so afraid and anxious and really want to just curl up and die i dont know if i can do this but i have never wanted to have anything more than this thank you for reading my depressed post here, i have no one to talk to so im really hope i can find someone here.....................  

[dominosarah]

Hi glitter.......Most of us came to this forum feeling the same way you do now so we understand the desperation.  You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore.  This is not hopeless.  You can and will get your life back.  It is hard work but so worth it in the end.  Get back to your therapist and start talking.  We are here for you so keep reaching out.   sara

[gnarly_1]

HI........first off try not to let fear into the equation it only makes it worst and its always worst in our heads the it actually turns out to be if you can look to the lower right of this page and look up the thomas recipe get the stuff that is suggested personally I recommend a case of gatoraid and some stuff call highlands restfull legs you can get it at walmart or walgreens it will be in with the herbal stuff.....next get comfortable with the fraze....''you just got to be ok without being ok'' your going to be uncomfortable doing this.....this is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental be ready to fight on both fronts ....I truly believe this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind so attitude is everything....approach this thing with a positive attitude and do your best to keep one even when you dont think you can it will make the difference between suffering threw it or just being uncomfortable prepare yourself make or have ez meals planed for the next week pizza hut is running a special 10bucks for a large pizza its a good cheep dinner....go rent some movies your not going to sleep for the next few nights funny movies are a good way to pass the time....remember to force fluids this is critical alway keep a glass 1/2 full to drink evey 1/2hr more if you can if your heaving and cant hold things down 1 oz of water every 15 min will work....as fare as the symptoms go  a hot soak in the tub will bring a lot of releaf you may need several a day....if you believe in God prayer is really helpful when it 3am and you up shaking he's all you got Jesus has much grace to give pry for strength to get threw it he does here those that cry out his name and just know this will be one of the best decisions of your life you wont be chained to a pill bottle anymore when your threw it there is more to tell but I am out of time I will be in touch to check on you from time to time ....YOU CAN DO THIS .....may God be with you.......Gnarly    

[reallyneedhelp76]

Hi and welcome!!  So glad that your here because you have no idea how lucky you are by finding this forum.  First off i know just how you feel.  when i decided i was done i came here and asked for help and this forum and my friends here have been godsends'.  The fear of actually admitting that i had a problem about killed me but then once i blurted it out the healing began.  So everyone here knows but i was taking 30 plus norco 10's a day for years and i'm 31 days clean.  And i quit cold turkey.  The first thing i think you need is to check out the thomas reciepen ( you can find it in the health pages, top right of your screen).  get the herbals they help alot.  Second you MUST keep a good attitude and think positive becuase that helps SO much.  Now whats to come.  Basically the first 3-4 days are not fun but then you'll start getting glitters of hope and you'll start to slowly feel better.  Your physically going to have an upset stomach so immodium is a must and start taking in now before your so sick to your stomach.  also the herbals help with the anxiety, the valerian root smells something awful but gag it down it'll help.  You MUST keep hydrated and try to eat through out.  you DONT want to get dehydrated and end up in the hospital.  The drugs you got its up to you if you want to take them i don't know alot about them but someone here will don't worry.  i know one person on here is taking the diazapan so look thru some older posts, that person said it helped.  I think knowing what's to come helps take some of the fear out.  Sleep is going to be tricky so expect that.  

As for this forum, everyone is fantastic and NO ONE will judge you because if they did we'd all be up in arms.  This is not a place for judgment just for understand, truths and support.  I think i can safely say that everyone here has done somethings while using we're not proud of but you have to remember you can't change yesterday but today is 100% in your hands.

Also tell us a little more, how much were you taking and how often?  And i know you may not like this but you HAVE to tell your other doctor that you don't want ANYMORE pills because cutting off your supply is a MUST to staying clean, the temptation to call for a refill when you feel bad the first couple days is really hard to resist.  ANd when you do it i think youll feel alot better because the doctor if he's good will problably be proud of you and ask if he can help.  Also taking that step is good mentally for you!! DOn't be afraid.

So good luck and remeber you've already taken the first step, you admitted the problem and are taking charge to do something about it.  We're all here for you and just keep posting.  i was glued to this site, there's always someone here to talk with.  Proud of you for doing this, your already on the path to get healthy!

[gutsnglitter]

thank you everybody.
i think i want this so bad that i will do it, i have a few times before but i have never wanted it as much as this time.
i have a cabinet full of vitamins and that Imodium and i love Gatorade so i have tons too. i hated taking baths last time but i have read alot on here that it dose help so i think ill judt test it out again.

reallyneedhelp76 you asked for more about how much i take, well i take on an average day 15-20 ish sometimes ill take 10 in the morning 10, 4 hours later then 10 in the evening and thats normally right after i get a prescription, so 30 of 5/325 percocets some days but most days 15-20 and i buy oxy's from my dealer or dilly 8's if he has nothing else but not alot because there really expensive i normally just go get more prescription when im out and then buy for a few days till i can go back to my doctor and get more and this has been going on about 2 years

so my last 10 i took was really early this morning im expecting to feel ****** by bed time but ill wait till then to take the stuff that doctor gave me, i have had it in the past a few times to help with some really bad panic attacts but i dont see how its going to help much wish i knew more about it. i did see one person talking about it but like i say i can write to people if they write me first, but im to anxious to get into someone elses business so if anyone can just let me know about the diazapan helping with withdrawal that would be really nice  

[gutsnglitter]

im trying to be ok with this, thats a neat phrase by the way  

[reallyneedhelp76]

Just googled diazepam the brand name for it is valuim!  Didn't know that.  as i'm sure you know valuim is addictive so you need to be really careful. Do you have someone that could hold it for you?  SOmetimes having someone hold it to you and only give you one at a time per the directions can be helpful. You don't want to accidentally switch one addiction for the other.  But lots of people on here use something like that to help ease the w'd symptoms so just be aware that you can get addicted and use it as directed.

ok so you were taking a lot, that's ok me too, now your quitting and that's all thats important.  All that means is that you'll have a normal withdraw period with symptoms.  And if my dumb a$$ can get through it so can YOU!!!!!  Again this forum is great and people are really nice and helpful! SO keep posting!

also if you hoover over a persons name a box pops up and your can click on send a message to send them a message in their inbox.  Most people don't mind at all and will be happy to help you with your questions.

[gutsnglitter]

i just found that out by my curser being on your name! lol

but i feel like a bother just by in boxing someone, i just feel like they are having there own problems why would they want to help with mine, but you are i guess but you wanted to i guess i just feel weird doing that,
nope i dont have n e one to hold them right now, but i dont think ill over do it on the diazepam, never been into those kinds of pills, just the down, but maybe it is a downer? i have no idea ill find out when i take one i guess, if it feels like i get a high off of them then im just going to take them back to shoppers maybe.... i really want this i really do

so am i going to start feeling like **** tonight? most likely hey? i think at around 7 ill try the  medication and try and sleep i am so scared of tomorrow just not have even 4 pills to start off with im going crazy thinking about it so ill probably come right here in the morning and try and post and read alot of others storys  

i want to thank you for all your support it means alot to me

[reallyneedhelp76]

ok just sent you your first inbox message look at your inbox top right side of screen and click on inbox!

[gnarly_1]

HI just thought I would check in on you it shouldv be starting to hit right about now and will progress threwout the night I will be on later between 10 and 12am mountain time if you need to talk hang in ther and be ready for some unpleasant changes to start to happen also remember attitude is everything....I will check back later.........Gnarly

[gutsnglitter]

i just got up sweating like a mofo! i took a diazapam thiny and i fell asleep, im upset i woke up :( i barfed as soon as i stood up and my tummy is hurting and im so shaky, i knew i wasn't going to feel good but i wasn't expecting feeling this crappy, i am going to go get a bottle of gatorade and some toast (if i can eat it even) and put on a movie and just chill maybe take an ativan i dont know ill wait a bit i think and take that before i try and sleep again. thank you gnarly_1 for checking up on me. i like it, that you and reallyneedhelp76 care so much it is very touching thank you 2 so much

[gnarly_1]

TIME to baton down the hatches roll up the sails and get ready fro the storm..... sorry to here your getting sick already try taking 1/2 glasses of water every 1/2hr or so if it gets really bad try 1oz of water every 15 min you got to stay hydrated one way or another if you cant your on your way to the e/r for an iv in a day so stay hydrated run a bath and soak it will realeave most of the other symptoms hang in there you will make it threw this just got to weather out the storm good luck and God bless.........Gnarly

[gutsnglitter]

thanks guy :)
yes it ***** alot but i know its only going to get worse so im trying to stay positive, which for me is not normal, but im tryin im going to go lay down again and get some rest then when the sun comes up ill go for a walk for some excersise and then ill try the bath thing, im just to tiered to do it now

[gutsnglitter]

i am so sick this morning!!!!! i dont know if i can do it please pray for me or wish or anything to keep me going PLEASE

[IBKleen]

I know you are struggling. You need to stay positive and get through this. Do something to occupy your mind and your time. Take a nice hot bath, read, or whatever it is you like to do.

Just don't give up and don't use. Keep talking if you need to.

[gutsnglitter]

i am trying so hard, i even posted on a few peoples posts but i was shaky and sweating the hole time i feel like im a bother.
im not going to use, i want to so bad but im trying to go second by second so i dont.
i will go for a walk here in a few minutes and come back and see if anyone else replied i need you guys so much

[IBKleen]

I know you are trying and you are doing GREAT!!! Take that walk, it will feel good. And you are right, one minute at a time if you need to.

It is always quiet here on the weekends so be patient as members come n and off.

Hang in there!!

[gutsnglitter]

thank you
im ready, im going for a walk now ill be back when im done i think ill just stay here on this site all day and read and write and take breaks for walks and baths

[haley726]

I know how hard this is, but if you think of it as changing your life and getting rid of everything negative instead of focusing on the acute w/ds and the pain, your mind will start to see that this is only temporary. I prayed, got some meditation cd's, and pretty much lived in the bathtub. But, one day soon you will wake up and realize you did it! And that is a "high" you will never get from pills... Good luck and God bless.

[gutsnglitter]

im trying to think like that, im sure it will be easier once past this withdrawal its going to be a big change for me, all my friends are addicts mostly heroin and coke some pills, i think i might move to alberta to start a new life and meet new people i have 1 friend there and one who is moving there and there clean so i think that would be a good choice for me, not to run away from it but there is nothing here for me.

well i just went for a walk i walked so fast my heart was racing it felt ****** at first but i actually feel a bit better not physically but im in a better mood now, i puked as soon as i got in the door and my legs were shaking and im sure if i stayed out there for even 5 more minutes i would have fainted but now im laying down and sweating and feel cold and sweaty its nasty so i think ill try a bath

[haley726]

I know how you feel about everyone you know is an addict. I got off methadone 38 days ago cold turkey. Not fun at all! But my husband is still on it and everyone else in my family is on pills and speed. So it is really hard for me to see it and know it's there, but not do it. I got to the point to where I realized they weren't having "fun" with the drugs and they certainly weren't living any kind of life I wanted. They are miserable and stuck, and I actually feel sorry for them that they can't stop. Just wait a few more days and you will understand the feeling of being strong, proud, relieved and so happy on the inside. And as you get some time under your belt, instead of feeling jealous of users, you will feel bad for them and want to help them. Which, believe me, if they don't want help, there is nothing you can do to stop them except pray for them. But I promise you, a pill, or any drug for that matter, doesn't even come close to the happiness you
will feel from getting clean and taking your life back. BUT.... Staying clean is hard, if not almost impossible, if you are around friends that are addicts! This disease of addiction is just too strong to try to hang out with the friends that use, especially in the beginning. I really believe getting addicted to drugs is about 75% who you surround yourself with. And that is only my opinion, but from what I have seen, I completely believe it! That's why my kids are never leaving home...lol! Good luck and God bless...

[gutsnglitter]

oh i agree! its totally who you hang out with, i wouldnt have started if it wasnt for my group of friends, though that was a different drug, but same feeling its just easier to get pills so i swapped the addiction, and i cant wait for the day i feel sorry for addicts instead of jealous, it *****

[tgtiffany]

Hey!  How are you doing today??  I hope excellent :)  Keep your head up okay, I know it su cks, but it's totally worth it to be free!!!!  Back to the REAL YOU and get your LIFE back :)  

[gutsnglitter]

im really really $hitty! i cant even stand it its so hard, im still not going to give up, i could, but i want this to much ! i have alot to do today if im going to go on this trip to see my friend and maybe move so ill be busy and maybe it will help.....

[tigerlily11]

gutsnglitter,
well hello there! I am just I dont even know the word to describe it...but I feel like I know you, hell I feel like we may be the same person. I was EXACTLY where you where just a few short days ago and listen I am here to tell you, it is so worth it!!! I know exactly how you feel right now and trust me it is worth it it does get better, you have to just keep pushing forward! I am exactly like you and I kind of have anxiety and I definitely didnt want to come on here and just randomly start inboxing people and possibly be a bother to them. I still havent really done that, but I have posted on here like crazy and the few people that responded to me were godsends lifesavers. And it just so happens 2 of those people who were absolutely instrumental and probably saved my life are right here on your post, Gnarly1 and reallyneedhelp! I usually go around here quoting them both because the things they said made so much sense, made it click for me and is what keeps driving me forward. But, I dont have to do that here, becase they have already came thru and shared their wisdom with you, please take it to heart, read it 500 times over and over if you have to until you believe it, I know I did!!!

I know you can make it, I believe in you. You said you wanted this more than ever this time, well those were my exact words when i first came here, and thats the first step it takes, REALLY wanting it. Because this diesease is hard to fight and its cunning and you have to be ready to really fight back like never before! Get positive and get a plan together. With me I did many things because I wanted to fight this on all fronts. I got positive, came on here and got support, got into church, got a relationship with God (even got saved), started taking my vitamins and antidepressants and started going to therapy (like you I thought the opiates were all I needed and never took my other meds, thinking that probably added to my problem), and then just got moving! It really does help to move by getting endorphins back to your body and mind and gives you a feeling of accomplishment and hey I can do all this without the pills!!!! And heck better than before!

Anyway, the point is,Just get a plan together, whatever plan will work for you, you just have to be ready to fight back because the addiction to these opiates are STRONG, but we know what? We are STRONGER!!!!  you have what it takes, even reallyneedhelp told me those exact words about you, so see there are people here that really care about you and want to see you better!

We are in this fight together and WE WILL WIN!!!!!