just sitting here holding out til my next dose of tramadol

[pinkgirl73]

well I don't really have a question...it just helps me to write...lol.  I took my last 3.5 trams this morning at 9 am.  before that I hadn't had any in 17.5 hrs which was an accident cuz I had a few glasses of wine and went to sleep and woke up with withdrawals....ugh the restless legs and skin crawling is the worst.  anyway i'm startin to feel the withdrawals again cuz its been like 12 hrs now.  just laying here watching "don't be tardy" on bravo..lol. so i'm  just gonna wait as long as I can standit I guess.  what a long process this is.idont know if I need to start feeling uncomfortable before I take them but i'm thinkin it helps me go longer after a few days.  I don't know.

[pinkgirl73]

as afra s spinking my tram doses...I am taking less.  way less and less often so I don't understand what u mean by spinking.  I have to get off these trams and want to.  I am doing it the best way I can.  many, many ppl have helped me with this.  You are not the only one with an opinion.  I have followed several ppls advice about it...some even gave me advice on tapers that they got from a doctor.  as long as I get off and stay off...what difference does it make.  This morning I realized that I need to do something about the perc problem now...instead of wait til my tram taper is over.  I mean an addiction is an addiction so there is really no reason to wait to stop.  I am learning a lot here about myself, about others and about this disease.  I don't think ppl should be discouraging anyone from being on here.  I am not sitting around getting high while other ppl arebtrying to recover.  I am trying to figure out how to recover and how to make it last.  The comment on the post I made was to warn that guy of what his wknd warrior parties can turn into.  I realized today that I was missing the whole point of sobriety by taking percs and wine once a month while i'm trying to get off something else...that plan was ridiculous and realized that this morning after being on this sight pretty much 24/7 all week.  That is why I went to the Smart Recovery site and joined today as well as the Celebrate Recovery site and NA.   I am trying but I have no support here at my house...I sit in my room and read medhelp all day trying to figure it out.  That's the best I can do right now cuz that's all I KNOW HOW to do so far.

[pinkgirl73]

Vicki I don't understand why u are constantly being negative towards me....obvi if I do less tram less often and less dosage that is a taper.  and also thru being on here I am really starting to get real with myself about the perc wine thing and joined the group Smart Recovery so that I can have some sort of plan to try do stop making the same mistakes over and over.  I just don't see why u feel like u need to keep bashing me and judging me.  Every time I read a post from u its so discouraging.  I just don't understand why.  I mean I realize I have a problem.  several, in fact.  THATS what i'm doing on this sight, thank you very much.  I am trying to figure it all out just like everyone else had to one time or another and I JUST STARTED.  everyone has to start somewhere.  Every time I read ur posts they seem judgemental.  I mean I'm starting to think coming here was a mistake.  I try to help ppl with anything I can and I am looking for help and advice, not for someone to question my motives and make me feel bad.  I don't need to feel bad...I already feel bad enough. that's why I'm trying to get help.  I REALIZE i'm an addict and slowly killing my liver even if I only do it once a month.  I REALIZE.  So i'm not really sure what you would like me to do.

[vicki595]

I've read the same about the every month Percocet and wine party for one...so it begs the question pinkgirl: What are you doing here and what is the forum doing for you?

That behaviour is everything we are not about. Your current Tramadol taper is so atypical and will never work because the way I see it you're  spiking your doses twice per day and plan to continue into the future calling it a taper because you take 3 pills at once instead of 5.  That's not a taper. It's just taking less right now.  I can't accept your behaviour as "okay" when it's not. I don't even see the point. All I see is that you're high while everyone else is fighting against the current of the wave you're riding.

You can receive so much support here and I think you want to be sober but you need to change a few things beginning with living a sober lifestyle.  We can help you, I know we can, but not this way.  You need to get your head straight so your actions can follow and you're just not there at all right now.

It's time to do some thinking.

[lulu747]

Hi There-

I have been following your story but have yet to chime in.  I know how hard Tramadol is to come off of- my best friend has been on them for a decade.  They were prescribed to her after a car accident as a non-addictive pain medication.  She started her taper taking 10 a day.  Then went down to 8.  She didn't sleep for a week and had terrible RLS and her psoriasis broke out something fierce.  Her doctor won't help her taper as the doctor doesn't believe they are addictive!!!!  Don't even get me started on this.  I told her to go slower so now she drops a pill once a month.  It's a marathon, not a sprint, and as Vicki said- go slow.

What really concerns me is that I read on another thread that you are drinking up to two bottles of wine a night plus taking percocet.  Is that true or am I mistaken?
I probably don't have to tell you how dangerous this all is.

Listen, you don't know me but I feel I would be remiss if I did not tell you that your real issue here does not lie in how many pills you take.  It lies in why you are putting all these mind altering substances in your body.  Until you do some recovery work to find out what hole it is you are trying to fill, you are always going to be suffering through one kind of detox merry-go-round or another.  Or you are going to end up dead.  Sorry to be so blunt, but it is the cold hard truth.  Just ask any of us addicts on here how many times we have been close to death, or had a close friend or family member die from such behaviour.  It is the greatest tragedy there is.  Addiction does not have to be a death sentence, but it will be unless you arrest it and begin living a life of recovery.
I would HIGHLY recommend you getting some proper counseling or therapy for your anxiety and depression issues if you aren't already.
Did you know that alcohol is a HUGE depressant?  
Reading your posts honestly scares the sh*T out of me.
You are self-medicating.
I did this for years. I have terrible chronic autoimmune illnesses and when I turned 28 my body fell a part.  I couldn't deal with it and I took any and all drugs that were prescribed to me by doctors.  I never abused these medications until I married a man who started abusing me verbally and sexually.  I am lucky I didn't kill myself.  I overdosed twice accidentally.
It NEVER ends well unless you put a stop to it.  It isn't something you can control, and it isn't something you can do alone.  You need and deserve support honey.
Self-loathing and abuse is a terrible thing.

Every time I do something, ANYTHING in life, I ask myself "Am I doing this out of love, or am I doing it out of fear?"
Making changes are scary.  But if you act out of love for yourself- true unconditional self love, then the scariest changes become the things that lead us to our greatest evolution and true happiness.
You deserve to be happy lovely.  Truly happy and whole.
I really hope you give yourself the chance to be.
Sending support.....
Lu

[pinkgirl73]

thank you so much merri!  well I have been on 3.5 every 12 to 13 hrs now for about 4 days.  It hasn't been difficult at all except for the first week when I went from 14 a day to 8 a day.  That's when I had the withdrawals and restless legs, sweating, etc.  I think in maybe another week or 2 I will drop another .5 pill at my night time dose.  someone on some of my other posts said to drop the night timedose first, some said to wait 3 weeks and drop the dose...I am just doing what feels right to me.  I have terrible anxiety and mild depression history so that's why i'm trying to be very careful.  I can deal with the physical symptoms....its the psych symptoms that i'm scared of so I don't wanna go too fast.  I have enoughpills to do a really slow taper lasting several months but I want to get off these as fast as I can without screwing my head up.  When I dropped from 14 to 8 I felt fine after the first week and then 4 weeks later the phychological withdrawals caught up to me.  So I just try to really pay attn. to how I feel.  It took me 10 years to get to this point so I know I have to take my time and be careful.  Thanks so much for ur encouragement and support!!

[Merri123]

I know from experience that drinking alcohol will make the restless legs worse at times. There are times I can have a glass of wine and I would be fine and others - yikes it started immediately.

So during your taper I would stay away from wine etc so that you don't make any wds worse.

You are doing good. I did a slow taper too. Would add an hour between and then started lowering till I was done. At the end I was cutting them in 1/2 then in 1/4s. Many don't believe in tapering but I had to do that.

So you just dropped on pill. When are you thinking of doing the next drop? Keep it up. Don't get discouraged. You're doing good!!!