methadone and heroin wd

[Meygirl]

Hi all. Ok so here is the story as short as possible. Im 26 years old sadly i relapsed 4 months ago on H for the 5th time, after 3 years clean. Sad and pathetic. I used every day for that period. I wanted to quit so i took methadone for the first time in my life. I did 3ml per day but then i combined H at night. Then i descovered that meth. WD are worse and take a looooong time. I freaked and stoped and continued with H. I am off meth almost 3 weeks now. And today is my day 9 of full detox. The very bad WD stoped but i still get the chills, sweats, crazy mood swings and also still very weak. I want to know when will it get better. I take this pills to get low pressure they help. But i have never experienced WD longer than 7 days! I need some info what is happening when will it get better?

[EvolverU]

Mey :)

How's your sleep been? Do you drink coffee, alcohol or energy drinks. You talked about being heavily sedated & I understand..I did that initially, too. Was it benzos?

[Meygirl]

My fiance was clean for 6 years and sadly i pulled him back in :( Now he is doing 1ml of methadone for 1 week and he is planning to lower to 0.5 this days and from friday to stop. I will help him then if he needs me. I dont have any other user friends.
We know what we have to do and what to do and how to do it. Iv had 3 years i got addicted to excercise i was actually doing crossfit and i was very fit. He had 8 years and more i think. He is 32. We are together 6 years i relapsed once before 3 years ago and i didnt tell him. When he found out he wanted to break up he was so angry for the lieing of most. But then he didnt he knew im a hard case and he actually got me to stick this 3 years.
He is very strong to make us both get back as we were for the sake of us. It doesnt bother nor make me anxious that he does Methd. If i relaps ill do H, methadone is just not an option and i absolutely hate it for stiking for so long and yet using for such a small period. I can see it in front of me and it makes me sick.
If i see heroin on the other hand, that would be a hell of a temptation but i know i wount unless its only brought by me, and for now i just want to get to feel better its just driving me crazy to feel sick for 10 days and i am preparing now for more days to come of fealing like this.
And another symptom, shaky hands :(

[EvolverU]

Man!..
I just got the s
hivers reading your post. Our stories sound quite similar: I started smoking @ 14 or 15, tried just about every drug out there & then fell in love (exactly how I used to describe it, myself) w/ H late in my 17th year.

I understand that feeling of 'disconnect' when you're kind of ambivalent/torn when you still have some 'feelings' for the drug & as a result believe that  you can't possibly 'get here from there' -- that it's hard to commit entirely to kicking because the drug still has such a pull on your affections...

I don't think I've ever expressed the following on forum in the almost 3 yrs. I've been here but here goes but here goes..:

I gradually began to see (probably @ the same age you did) that this was an all-consuming, selfish, vampiric 'lover' (that ended up making me a shadow of what I should have been @ the time). Bit by bit, over many years I found that the price of the relationship was an ever-dwindling quality of existence & a narrowing of possibilities for me in every arena: physical, mental, emotional & spiritual -- a terrible winnowing of in every respect. The most shameful of which, I think, was how I thought of myself & therefore thought of others & the world. There was a time when I didn't understand why anyone would want to live life without opiates, when I couldn't imagine myself clean & had absolutely no desire to be -- when I used to pity people who didn't know 'the joy' of it. This was the protracted hypnotic, honeymoon. I still marvel @ the insidious romance & power of Heroin -- even when things were starting to go very wrong. I look back on it in astonishment (& terror for others in the same boat) because I still recall my nonsensical submission to it despite an intellectual understanding of what it was doing to me so vividly. I often think of all the beloved & cool friends I lost to this insatiable void. I know that I've expressed this here in a way that's not typical for forum but reading your post tonight just brought it all back & I felt like writing it out -- perhaps in too 'fanciful' a way. All that counts, though, is that you know that someone was feeling the way you might feel & was somehow able to get through it to a better place. So, what I'm hoping, is that with you, it's not going to take as long as it did me, right? ;)

An exercise: (You mentioned soul-searching & I wanted to applaud you for that! It's where the straight path always begins..): So, in that vein, can you share some of the reasons (despite your lingering love/obsession with the drug) why you want to kick? For instance, beyond the financial cost, the shameful stigma/secrecy & the need to constantly score, what's moving you to do this? In other words, what does your 'better' or 'higher' self say about all this?

[Meygirl]

My name is Mey :) i still have the chills, some restless symtoms in the legs, hard to sleep and emotionally...i am all over. I feel like a psyho at times these past 3 days. I will start yelling ill get sad and then ill be ok and again...
Still the sweats i can feal they will be here and hotflashes, runny nose. Gut- diareah which started not so long ago. It seamd everything i ate was just making me hurt after 5 minutes. Its a little better now my stomach geting more used to food.
Thats about it for now.

[Meygirl]

Also i forgot to mention i am a smoker. I dont know how i couldnt be one while doing Heroin one doesnt go without the other. :) But sadly i am a smoker from a very young age maybe 14 or 15. And first time i tried heroin was at 18. I tried pretty much any drung before heroin, lsd was amazing for me in the forest in nature and so revealing i still remember the experience :) but then in college i tried Heroin and that was that. I knew there wasnt something better than that, the fealing was...perfect i guess. I think i have relapsed so much is because i really fell in love with this drug like pure love. Made me feal exactly what i wanted and how i wanted. I wasnt a very outgoing person i was more on the shy side younger...Etherway, it came with a cost i didnt even know what WD were i just knew heroin was bad like all drugs.
I was 3 years clean but its not enough, i just found a stupid excuse to use once but here is the funny sad part. When you relaps for the 5th time even after 3 years if u can believe the next day i actually had wd mild but had them...

[EvolverU]

Hi again & it's good to see you! :)

I'm glad to hear that there's someone there for you! (Hopefully, he's in 'recovery'/clean). Doing this on our own can be rough! In order to make it work, I had to cut ties with many of my friends who were still involved in 'the life'. So, initially, for almost a year, I only had some of the amazing folks on this site to pull me through as the man I was with was with @ the time was still using. As a result, I clung to this place like a Titanic victim to a life-vest until I was able to start touching sand with my toes from time to time. It was a gradual struggle to shore from there but then I was almost 48 when I embarked on my new existence & there was extensive damage to be undone. (Enough 'bout me, what's important is you right now :)

I had a feeling that you might have gut issues. Both heroin & M'done will do that to you. So, Meygirl (forgive me but not sure of your name :), a few questions if that's ok..:

How long did you do dope or other opiates before the 3 yrs. clean? How's your sleep, right now? Can you describe your other symptoms -- like the gut thing? Your emotional state? Let's get you through this & make it stick!

We're here :)

Annie