please help, i am a loser

[lusty22]

ok, this is it. I have been on opiates for a few years, off and on, always on in the last year or two. When i didnt have pills, i used subs. Anyway, decided to quit as it was just getting to be too much. too expensive, too controlling. its all we thought about, me and my spouse are in on this together. we both were on subs for awhile and the WD was awful, worse than other wds we had experienced. so we go back to oxys for a bit and get the subs out of our bodies. then we go CT. Well, needless to say i am being such a friggen wimp. I cant seem to get thru this. i have done it before, what the hell is wrong with me? My husband had a car accident yesterday and as soon as i realized he was alive and not morbidly hurt, all i could think of was he'll get some pain meds. what kind of person thinks this way? I hate myself, i no longer know myself, and i just want to be in a different place, living a different life. i regret the day i snorted those stupid pills and fell in love like never before. I am consumed. I have been off 4 days but of course did a couple to take the edge off. Now what? I start over?  i have to, no choice, but all this misery was in vain. I dont even know what I am asking for, i know the drill, hot baths, etc. i have a big thanksgiving meal to make for my family next week, how will i fake this? Now I am behind the schedule i told myself i would keep. none of them know. we are both highly functional addicts. i was thinking about going to NA. Maybe that would help, but i dont want to run into people i know. why cant I just do this? I used to be so strong. i mean its a few days and the worst will be over.  now I feel weak and worthless. please help.  

[scaredmom330]

youve taken the first step, now just take it one day at a time. think about how much you will enjoy thanksgiving sober. You have a support system in place, now just use it. feed off your husband as he feeds off you. You are a wonderful person, think about how you can help others once you have beaten this addiction. keep us posted, we beleive in you.


Karen

[carter2005lambe]

You may want to try to take an anti-anxiety drug for the first few days, preferably valuim or ativan.This helps with the anxiety of not having any more pills to rely on in everyday life. And also helps you to relax enough to get some shut eye. Buy some immodium, for the diarreah and extra strength tylenol for the aches and pain. Also, I suggest that you get the herbal supplement l-tyrosine. This increases mental alertness and helps give you energy to get through the day as well as reguvinate the dead brain cells and gain back some memory cells. This is really helping me in my addiction.We will always want the drugs, thats the nature of addiction.Beating the w/ds and learning how to live and function without them is what helps us live with it.Hope this is of some help.

[snowflake620]

sweetie you are not worthless don't ever say that again sounds like you have some depression going on get up and go far a walk force yourself to do it and when your done go for another walk,and just think of how great it will be to have Thanksgivig clean! You might even remember it! As for thinking about the pain oills,we have all done that it is our addiction talking not the real us.I will pray for you and your hubby stay strong and god bless

[breezyfbaby]

i know exactly how u feel. its just a cycle over and over again. im 5 days clean. i wish i never did these pills before either. i sit there and think about how people have cravings for it years after. whenever i get clean i just wanna lay around and do nothing until i feel good again. u know how it goes. about thinking about ur husbands meds after he got in that accident, ur not the only one. ive had something like that happen to me and all i thought about was wen they gonna give me the damn pills. its wicked. we can do this though. last week wednesday i was 4 days clean...it was so strange...i never remembered who i was before i did these...and ive detoxed a lot. but this time was different. out of nowhere, it happened...i came back! i was me again! i was so happy and inspired. i knew that before i did these pills i was more positive and caring...u forget who u are...and wen ur clean for awhile u wonder...wat the **** am i getting out of this...stick with it ull come back! u will be urself again! my cuzin has been an addict for 6 years and shes pregnant...i asked her...do u wanna get clean? she says lets be real here...does anyone ever wanna get clean? we do it cause we have to. im going thru the same **** getting a job going to school...wen ur focused on something else...ur withdrawals arent as bad as they seem. i dont know...i hope i was SOME help. just know i got u im goin thru it too

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Its not particularly a character defect - so you wont find the answer there. Your comment "How will I fake this" tells me a lot. May be time to quit thinking of faking anything and get back in the race. Feeling weak and worthless is pretty normal. You are still as strong as you ever were ..........Just need to prioritize. The pills no longer warrant your every waking thought. And as to whom might think that way - A drug. addict might think that way. Take a good look at your situation and be totally open and honest with yourself. Probably been awhile since you have looked at things that way. It sure was for me. You may not like what you see, but the good news is that you dont have to continue to be that person that you dont care for. I dont believe that I would say to trash your Thanksgiving over everything. But you could plan to celebrate Christmas in a sober fashion. You can do that. Look for a meeting thats just a short way from you .... Those other people at the meetings are thinking the very same thing about you - they are afraid of running into you! You already know the drill. Implement the drill and dont look back again.............and good luck to you - - -

[mommy2be25]

You CAN do this! I didn't think I could either. I lost myself and still am searching for who I really am. I still think about them all the time. But you can get your life back. And if you have your spouse to go through it with then you have a built in support system. Keep each other in check! PM me if you need to talk.

[cattalina]

Ok first of all - you're not a loser. Don't say that again. Second - just because you've done this before doesn't make it easy to do. How much oxy were you doing? Like you said you know the drill for the wds, but it sounds like the mental/emotional part is too much to handle right now. You gotta just slow down for a minute, stop thinking about next week. Right now you need to focus on the here and now. If you keep thinking about 'what's gonna happen next' you'll never get thru this period! And no, you're not a bad person to think of pain meds (after your hubby's accident), thoughts like that have crossed all of our minds at one point or another - that's what makes us addicts!!
Also, about running into people you know at meetings.... don't you think it might be worth it to go regardless? Try going to a meeting in a different town/county instead. There's a saying 'we're only as sick as our secrets'.
Hang in there, okay? Vent out all this **** that you're thinking, and leave it!  :)

[Sunnyd210]

Ur not a loser you have a problem. I dont have any experience with oxys but it sounds like you need to ask for help. Mayb an addiction specialist? I do understand how u feel being consumed and feeling guilty about it just remember u are not alone!!

[dominosarah]

You are not worthless at all.   This addiction is nasty.  You are stronger than you think.  Just hang on for a few more days and the physical part will be over.  You will feel better by thanksgiving.  Get in the bathtub and soak in some warm water.  Get outside and get some fresh air and take a walk, even if it is around your house.  Are you taking any vitamins??  They really do help.  Keep telling yourself that you are going to do this and get your life back.  The pain and agony you are feeling right now will go away.  There is a life after those pills.  Keep posting and stay strong...............sara