Aa
my friend's husband and cocaine
All:
My absolute best friend in the world is married to a man who is a cocaine addict. They've been married for 10 years, and togther for almost 20. He (as far as my friend and I can figure out, both from conversations with her husband and stuff she has sleuthed out) has been using cocaine for about 3-5 years now.
Based on his personality and from conversations my friend has had with him he:
-has admitted to using cocaine
-has not admitted to actully being "addicted" to it (although this seems clear to those around him)
-steadfastly refuses to go any sort of counseling/therapy/narcotic anonymous meetings
He has tried, by himself, to abstain from using but has relapsed now about 4 or 5 times. Whe he "relapses" he disappears for 2-3 days (typically) without coming home and usually spends a large quanitity of money (several hundred to thousand dollars). The last time this happened my friend's rent check bounced because he overdrew the account to get "drug money". My friend has already removed her money from the account and opened up a new account to prvevent this, but he steals things from the house to sell if he can't get access to money. He has locked my friend out of her own house (changed the lock) on a couple of occasions as well (in order to prevent her from getting her belongings and moving out).
My question is : I there ANYTHING at all I can do to help my friend?
She's been my best friend (we are like sisters) for over 25 years and her life is being ruined by her husband. She's about $20,000 in debt (largely because of him) and is unable to put a downpayment on a house, or have kids because of his problems. I think she wants to leave him, but after being with someone for 20 years (most of which were happy years) it's not easy to walk away, and she wants him to get help, but he won't.
Is there anything I (a third party) can do to help? I hate to see my friend's life go to waste because of this. :(
My absolute best friend in the world is married to a man who is a cocaine addict. They've been married for 10 years, and togther for almost 20. He (as far as my friend and I can figure out, both from conversations with her husband and stuff she has sleuthed out) has been using cocaine for about 3-5 years now.
Based on his personality and from conversations my friend has had with him he:
-has admitted to using cocaine
-has not admitted to actully being "addicted" to it (although this seems clear to those around him)
-steadfastly refuses to go any sort of counseling/therapy/narcotic anonymous meetings
He has tried, by himself, to abstain from using but has relapsed now about 4 or 5 times. Whe he "relapses" he disappears for 2-3 days (typically) without coming home and usually spends a large quanitity of money (several hundred to thousand dollars). The last time this happened my friend's rent check bounced because he overdrew the account to get "drug money". My friend has already removed her money from the account and opened up a new account to prvevent this, but he steals things from the house to sell if he can't get access to money. He has locked my friend out of her own house (changed the lock) on a couple of occasions as well (in order to prevent her from getting her belongings and moving out).
My question is : I there ANYTHING at all I can do to help my friend?
She's been my best friend (we are like sisters) for over 25 years and her life is being ruined by her husband. She's about $20,000 in debt (largely because of him) and is unable to put a downpayment on a house, or have kids because of his problems. I think she wants to leave him, but after being with someone for 20 years (most of which were happy years) it's not easy to walk away, and she wants him to get help, but he won't.
Is there anything I (a third party) can do to help? I hate to see my friend's life go to waste because of this. :(
There is always hope:) Ill send u the link for alanon.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
Thanks for the responses. That was what I was afraid to hear (that he has to want help in order to get it). I already knew this, but seeing an anonymous person type it out just drives it home.
I don't know if my freind would be willing to come online (she doesn't like the internet much), but I will let her know about alanon. I'll try to google it to read up before I talk to her.
Many thanks.
faze
I don't know if my freind would be willing to come online (she doesn't like the internet much), but I will let her know about alanon. I'll try to google it to read up before I talk to her.
Many thanks.
faze
Hi~ Gizzy is around and may post to you. He will have some great insight.
In my opinion,there's not much either of you can do if he won't admit to a problem. Your friend needs to look out for herself now and you can be a great help there. She needs to separate herself from that debt,also. ALANON meetings may help her. Family may also offer some support.
It's very sad but she's the one who needs saving right now. He has to WANT help!
Let us know...
In my opinion,there's not much either of you can do if he won't admit to a problem. Your friend needs to look out for herself now and you can be a great help there. She needs to separate herself from that debt,also. ALANON meetings may help her. Family may also offer some support.
It's very sad but she's the one who needs saving right now. He has to WANT help!
Let us know...
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It sounds like he is destroying her life and it's not fair. He is going to need help, whether it's rehab, N/A meetings, counsellor etc, but until he wants this bad enough and does something about it, I am quite sure he will continue using. Cocaine cravings are tough, but with some tools and supoort, we learn how to overcome them. I know it's not easy to leave someone, but this sounds like a bad relationship and toxic, even dangerous.
Have you ever heard of alanon? It is a support group for family members of an addict and might help her. Would she be willing to come on here and talk? This is a great support group. I wish her the best and hope her hubby wakes up and gets the help he needs. Good luck.