relapse.....i do not want to//but i want to???

[worried878]

I was laid off from my job on Tuesday...times r tough....plus my guy is moving and decided he is getting back together with his x/i think...he wont break up but he is staying over there....so to me it is a done deal..he is a puss and wont do the dirty work of saying it is over//so i had to...and i didnt need the stress this week...she found out we were planning to marry next yr and things got intense//she had him arrested for trespassing and he caved///loves the 9 yr old//i am done///wont go there right now..but he is a weak person....a very bad week in general for me..instead of going to my doc///i turned to drinking....gone to meetings every night...cant go down!  gonna see a counseler too..i need to talk..i am gonna explode if i do not!

I lost my job that i had for 9 yrs...I lost him///and i loved him but now i dont know why I did/do/but am letting go....i always come out on my feet/im down but trying hard not to relapse...i havent been posting cos i havent been out of my bed much at all this week til yesterday for a gym trip and today to lay on the beach...did me good tho...and is the reason i am up at this hour//i get depressed and go to bed at 8 pm!   Losses all at once can test us....i love this forum ///everyone is so supportive....i will be ok...but relapse is in my mind cos i am weak/needy....thanks for letting me share

[Kevin_Bacon]

I've seen your nmerous posts here -- most folks, when they get out from under this mess, move on, which may be a good thing for some, but you've continued to stick around and help others -- that's more than commendable, worried.

Three major stressors: Bang! Bang! Bang! The job loss is devastating to anyone; finding out someone who you thought you shared requited love with turns out to be a selfish, immature little pr***  -- good riddance, but that's a big mess of pain to suffer, and you've been clean through all the usual nastiness of life, but you're really being tested here ...

Don't drink anymore -- it leads to irrational decisions, like the notion that a few pills -- right, just a few -- are justified now ... I know how that feels -- I was living in parks and apartment building landings 15 years ago, somehow saved my job, gf was checking out someone else's groinal apparatus, getting ready to move halfway across the country to Mommy and Daddy's place, and I was drinking myself into oblivion night and day. Employer (I'd made a few friends in Management along the way  -- I was productive, affable, reliable before the alcohol-for-breakfast thing set in) paid for in-house rehab, was actually doing a night-shift for them while in rehab and after I got out, it tokk 13 days for me to jump back into that squalid way of "living,"  but I straightened up pretty fast, and I'm still on the payroll. Don't drink anymore -- depressing, stupid decisions, excessive sick-time -- don't think of it as any way useful. Oh, and did I mention I was "above" aftercare?

Unfortunately I'm in the Opioid Web now, but trying to get out ... but enough about me. You really need to talk to a therapist or your doctor or a professional. You need to come here and see that complete strangers, in their own little hells, were moved by your post sufficiently to respond and offer support. Book appointment(s) tomorrow morning, go to whatever you're going to (maybe double it up), look for work, get all his **** in an orderly pile for pick-up, supervise the removal of this tiny speck of vomit's belongings, say close to nothing, but don't forget, "Good-bye; good luck" before you close the door for the last time.

And keep in touch. You could use a ton of help right now.

[Fen871]

Hi I'am very sorry that you are going through these tough times. But please hang on don't go back any steps. There is always a reason that things happen in our life in time the bad will pass in you will be looking at the sunshine ahead. you  will get through this look in the miour in remind yourself of the hard work it took you to get here and tell your self you will be strong and that you are STRONG!  Hang in there you are a tough girl!!!


Take care Jen

[10356]

Hey worried.. I'm so sorry you are going through all that you are.. I understand that feeling you want to but don't.. We all know that if you did use, matters would just become worse and depression will hit a all time low.. drug testing for a new job and the many other things that come along with using.. loosing your job sure is screwed up after 9 years. I always got the feeling you enjoyed it also.. but maybe this will open up for you a chance to explore new opportunity's that you have entertained but held back as you did enjoy your job.. as for the guy.. He is not worth loosing your clean time over.. I say Thank goodness you know exactly what he is made off right now then to find out even later.. You deserve so much more then this Fool.. I'm very grateful that you are hitting AA meetings as drinking takes us down fast.. Definitely not worth waking up feeling physical sick along with the emotional.. You are strong and very intelligent.. Things will be ok just make the good things happen for you as you are the only one that can.. You have helped so many and helped me with your words so often I feel honored although saddened to be able to add a lil support your way.. warmly lesa

[dominosarah]

I am sorry to hear about what is going on.  No man or woman is worth losing your clean time too.  It will only bring more pain and hardship......you know that.  Drinking isnt the answer either.  What is the answer is getting up out of bed, going to meetings, hitting the gym, cranking up the music and feeling this........not numbing it up.  I am glad you posted and are reaching out.  We are here to help you just like you have done for all of us.  Dig deep into that soul of yours and come out fighting.....you are in control of you not your addiction..........hugs to you        sara

Oh and i will be right behind IBK.....in case she misses i wont!!!!!!!

[whitie]

best of luck on that. sounds like you have made the right choice, given hes playing games with you. I wish I could offer some advice......


what else can you do?

[beatingthis]

My sweet strong friend,

you know you are stronger then that. You have always been here for me and it is my privilege to be here for you. I do know you well enough to know you are one tuff women.
We all get down and we all get bad breaks, it is being a addict that makes us handle it differently then others. You are doing everything right, even dumping weak boy.
I would really like to see you with someone that is around a bit more and has less baggage.
Sorry just me being me.

Luv Ya so much!!
Be kind to yourself!

Terry