relapsed/day2/need support again

[wendy111]

I have not been on MH very much I was 39 days clean & then relapsed for 15 days and those 15 days were not what I was craving for.  Straight I thought I was miserable. I did notice the difference in my feelings when I came down and even when I was high not so much my mood but feelings about people and even my animals were not the same as being straight.  Being straight feels better and even day one 24 hours were better than any of the 15 days high.

my contact for percs I told no more when I was straight but she gave in 15 days ago but said never again ask her for anything. and I had some at home, never can have any around the house thought I could use recreationaly.

when I was straight I thought I would not come back if I failed everyone here are my support.  i stopped posting, I was not following what I said and felt I hurt people more than helped.

asking for your support again have changed options in my life and my attitude about staying straight and making excuses why i should be high.no more I need to get something done or because of this I need to get high  those are no longer reasons to talk about.  What you think can be what you feel.
I know there will be other tough days cause I am an addict and that is for life this was tough.
Positive things are I am looking forward to the weekend being me.

[jstntime]

Yes, you will absolutely feel wd from that length of use.  The long half-life of methadone likely explains why it took until day 2 to feel symptoms.

It may not be nearly as bad as your first detox but it is what it is right?  The only thing you can do is ride it out.  You've got a great attitude going into this and you know what it's about.

I hope things go well for you Wendy, very much rooting for you,

bob

[wendy111]

thanks for all the help today is another day straight and doing good.  question though

could  I be going through WD with just using 15 days.  is that possible or do I have the flu. did use a variety of drugs percs and methadone and some days alot and ended using methadone the last few days but small doses.

Just want to understand it.  Little sleep stomach issues headache no energy.  . it is not as bad as the first time  and the first time day one it hit me.  Took till day 2 to hit me.

going to take a shower and get out of the house and move around.  going to grandson's football game and grandaughters cheer leading then out for a walk in the woods.
.

[gnarly_1]

HI Wendy....im glad you back and I have said this a million times attitude is everything when doing this....you seem to have your head in a good place now...just know you can do this
this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind....we can be our worst enemy at times....the meetings will help a bunch in doing this out side support is priceless you know what you got to do just take it one step at a time and we all do this ....''just for today'' and b/4 you know it your racking up clean time...hang in there keep posting we all want to see you succeed
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly

[FassFeat]

Wendy, I can tell your attitude is different this go around and that is a tie breaker. I also think you need to pursue aftercare. I remember last time when you were wavering it was mostly your outlook and mindset.. I too am cheering for you and so glad you are back. Contact me anytime.. Andrew

[Cissy373]

Glad your back for support and don't be so hard on yourself. Mercy I relapsed so many times I don't have enough fingers and toes to count them, but get back on the horse and try again.

I am 33 days clean today and feeling much better. Life is much more clear to me clean.

Cissy

[throwindatowl]

The same exact thing happened to me! The only difference is I did go to two NA meetings that REALLY helped me stay clean for 45 days. I thought I was not the type that would need NA very long. I thought I was bigger than the drug. I thought I actually could have just alittle something. Two weeks later. I was 700 dollars lighter,broke, and out of drugs. Almost everything I have researched on staying clean states continued therapy. Not one NA visit not two. It hurts to know you cant do it alone. The drug makes you think you can till you dont. My very first meeting was scaryier then quiting. I sat in my truck for 20 mins debating and telling myself dont go in. the drug didnt want me to go in. I did go in. I was uncomfortable for like a minute. Then I felt this peace come over me. I was with my people! The only people that truely understand. They understand relapse too. Almost every single one had. More than once or twice. Im not religious at all really. That day angels were in that room. They were. I knew it. I wish you had meetings close and available. Im day 6 after my relapse. I went to a meeting with my tail between my legs not wanting to fess up. The angels were there again! So, I know this for a fact for ME... If I dont get continued help from drug addicts I will relapse again. Its different comming from addicts then a couslor. Ive seen one and I hated him. No angel there. I got those judgemental eyes  looking at me and I hate those eyes. Cant stand um. Im glad you quit. This is corney but ever seen orange county choppers? The dad was an alcholic. He came out and told his guys he had 25 years clean!!! He also told his guys he went to meetings for 9 years. 9 years! Hes clean today because he did that. I may have to go for the rest of my life. I hope not. They state very clearly that addicts do recover. I need alot more than two meetings. Thats a joke two hours. BUT, two hours keep me clean for a month and a half. If I wouldve keep going I would have two months under my belt. Its ok, I know what I have to do to get to that point and beyond. Go see some drug addict angels,haha it will do wonders!!!

[wendy111]

thanks for the support I do need to find after care.  Looked up NA and they are far and few around here.  I hear you say AAmight work  I see a counslor for 7 months the past15 days all it felt like was I was fighting with him, or more so I had no answers to why I was doing what I was doing
Going to a meeting scares me but I will work on getting braver.I do care about people here but we do not see each other.  
I went out this morning and about to go out this afternoon.  doing things diferently this time.  
drugs are not an option
need to think positive and not thoughts of getting high you feel what you think.  keeping thinking of using you start to feel it.
will not make that mistake again/ i'll post again when those drugs try to come back in my life, and make a habit of reading posts they do help  and talking to others help

[dominosarah]

I am glad you are back wendy.  What are you planning on doing differently this time?  Get a plan set up and follow thru.  Aftercare is important.  Using is only a symptom of what is going on with you.  Make you the No.1 priority as you are so worth it.  We are all here to support you but you have to be the one to reach out.                sara

Congrats on day 2!!

[daisy699]

Don't be to hard on yourself or feel embarassed to post!!! Many many ppl relapse esp w/in the first few go arounds getting sober..(IK I did). at least you hae the right additude and got a taste of what being sober is compared to high and if ppl give themselves enough clean time they usually see life is so much better not chasing a high. Keep your head up not every day or even moment is going to be easy b/c it's not this is probably going to be the hardest thing you will do in your life but it is so worth the hard work and struggle. After a few weeks of not having to chase pills and spending $ and feeling crappy everything will seem to just start falling into place and life just get's better. Next time you crave (which you will) jump on here and talk about it. I haven't posted in along time but Ik this sight and ppl on here kept things in perspective for me and very motivated when I needed it in the beginning I am now coming up on 17 mos clean off of opiates which I never thought possible!!!! My life has changed so much I now have a 4 month girl a thriving happy 3 yr old and they keep me motivated and clean b/c I am a much better/prouder Mum sober than high!!! Like I said not everyday is easy and fun but just remember how it is to start over again!! Ask for help and remeber you are worth it!!!

[jstntime]

Hey Wendy,

We're addicts right?  If ANYONE can understand how you currently feel, most of us here can.  

There is only one thing you CAN do and that is to get back on your horse (no pun intended:) and restart.  You change it up.  You do something differently than you did before to ensure a greater chance at success.  The only one feeling shameful is YOU because we all get it.

Like they say.....failing is not the falling down but the staying down.

Very proud of you for having the guts to come back, it's not easy admitting a fall.

Still very much pulling for you!!!!

bob