My boyfriend is trying to quit oxycontin

[emj31]

this is gonna be long but i was just trying to cover most of it. if anyone can just skim through it ANY advice would be helpful! i've read a lot of different posts here by people w similar problem... but my boyfriend hasn't really gotten that deep into it. i just want to prevent it from happening and he doesn't seem to think it's a big deal!

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year. we are both in college (i'm a junior, he's a senior) i found out that he was abusing oxycontin about two months ago when he broke down completely and confessed that he was addicted and wanted to quit. before this he had been going to a psychiatrist for depression/anxiety issues (he also has OCD and and sometimes extreme anxiety attacks) so he is also taking paxil for that. anyways, when he told me about his oxy addiction he also told his psychiatrist who then arranged a meeting with his parents. they were both very supportive and he is really close to his family so he has a lot of support around him. he quit cold turkey and had some bad withdrawals but he got through it.

he started to do it regularly at the beginning of last summer with one of his friends (now his one of his roommates and teammates). he has a very liberal view to drugs in general. he doesn't do anything regularly except pot but he likes to experiment and try things once in a while (he has done coke a few times before but it has always been like 3-6 months between each use) so because he's never gotten addicted to anything, and because his friends are the same way, and bc he's in college etc he thinks he has control. he doesn't see it as an issue because he doesn't think he can get hooked. so when he realized he was addicted to oxy and taking it almost every day he knew he had to stop. and he was really ashamed and upset about it all.

so after he quit two months ago, he has done it twice (what he told me). one time just before christmas and one time the other night. i realize it's hard and that he's still gonna have the urges to do it. especially since one of his roommates is still doing it and has been offering it to him. the thing is though that he hasn't said anything about it. he seems to be doing perfectly fine. he's not depressed or doesn't seem to struggle. we spend almost every day together and he has never admitted to me that he thinks about doing it even though that was the deal we had when he quit (he promised he would call me or his parents if he thought/felt like doing it) but he said he has said no to people many times and seem to justify doing it once in while with the fact that he has said no before.

he doesn't think it's a big deal to do it once in a while (once a month or whatever) or if he's partying.. like i said before, he thinks he can control it. but i just don't want him to do it AT ALL! like the other night he did it and then we went out drinking. we got in a huge fight that could've been avoided if he hadn't been high (he would have been more sympathetic and less mad/aggressive) anyways, we made up but since he was twitching and sleeping very restlessly and kept scratching himself etc when we were sleeping i knew he must have taken something cause that's just what has happened before. so i asked him the next morning and he confessed that he had done it. i got really upset and one part of me just wants to let him go for a while, take a break, give him some space so he knows i'm serious.. i just couldn't understand why he would do that when he knows everything i went through for him during the time he was using.. well he said it was a stupid mistake and he regrets it but i don't think he realizes that he has a problem. he just doesn't think it's a big deal to do it once in a while and he keeps telling me that he wish i'd do it so i'd know what it felt like and makes it seem like i have no right to "lecture" him just because i don't know what it does. well i do know what it does to him! and how that indirectly affects me! so i think i do have right to speak!

i just don't know what to do. i mean it's part relationship advice and part how to deal with his substance abuse that i need. i don't think it's bad enough that i need to leave him yet.. i mean he has been doing pretty well and i believe in our relationship and i know he is genuinely trying to stop. i just don't know what i can demand? can i demand that he doesn't do it all? how should i react if he does? how do i make him realize it is a big deal? and that he isn't gonna be able to control it eventually? i just want it to stop before it goes out of hand.. i just don't understand how he can think that he can control it?? and why he'd think that he would stop once he graduates.. life is only gonna get harder.. why wouldn't he just slip back into bad habits to deal with that??

[BrotherFrankie]

he is probable back in the cycle of addiction.

its not good to build a relationsship on dishonesty.

go to an al anon meeting and get some info..

you are loved and prayed for..

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I have to suggest that you do some reading on the disease of addiction so you understand what you are dealing with. Just because he put the drugs down does not mean that it is over. If he does not get help with the core issues that got him using drugs in the first place, relapse is almost always inevitable.

There is a couple of things that you can do---one I already suggested. Also, don't enable him. It is NOT okay to do illegal drugs and you need to make that clear to him. Also, protect yourself, again with education.

Since there have been no consequences to his drug abuse, he has no reason to want to stop. I promise that the days of taking one here and there will be short-lived. An active addict uses to live and lives to use. There is no cure for addiction and he will live with it for the rest of his life. He can choose to live clean or he can choose to live in active addiction. If he continues on the path he is, he will soon have no choice.

You cannot "demand" anything. We also don't tell well to that. If you give him an ultimatum, he will probably begin lying so that he doesn't have to face you or listen to you.

Look up the fellowship of "Al-Anon" on the net. You may not be open to going to meetings but do some reading and you will get some understanding from others who are just like you.

Glad you found your way here and and hope you stick around. There is a lot of good support. I wish you the best.