thinking about going cold turkey off of hydro this weekend

[gottaBstrong]

I have been taking hydro or lortab for about a year now recreationally. I am up to 90-100mg per day. I sometimes will even snort some morphine if I am low on lortab supply. I went to a doctor the other day for help and he prescribed me colonodine. I was hoping this would help with the withdrawals and I could get started that day, but when i took the colonodine is started to hallucinate and hear voices in my head. I got really scared and decided I could not take this med. My doctor also prescribed me to zoloft, which I started today at 50 mg. I am seriously dreading the thought of quitting hydro cold turkey, but also am furious with myself that I ever got on them in the first place. I am in my last year of college and have a heavy load this semester. My excuse has been that I do not have time to be sick and get off of the pills...but I feel completely helpless on them now and know it is do or die, now or never. I have a fall break monday and tuesday so I wanted to start my detox on friday since I will have the two extra days. I know how I feel when I wake up in the morning without the hydros just for a few hours and I am in a panic, vomiting, diarrhea, cold sweats--until i finally get some, so I know this is going to be terrible. Has anyone out there been through this?  Is there any advice you can give me? I need to be strong and I need to do this but it is hard doing it on your own. PLease help me,

[gottaBstrong]

Thank you for the encouragement! I really hope your recovery goes well. Best of luck to you also.

[toothfairie]

hey there....just wanted to lend my support....glad you go the supplies from the Thomas recipe...just remember you are doing a great and brave thing!!  when you wake up tmrw....just remember it's the first day of your CLEAN life!  you can do this...many many of us have and are continuing to stay strong.

And btw...i'm from MS too...i've been in FL almost 18 years now tho...i was born and raised around Amory....lol  small world eh?  

Keep posting when you need support....and you can always private message me if you need to talk!  we MS girls have to stick together!  lol  ;)

[gottaBstrong]

Thanks so much for your post and support. It is a small world! I am not too far from Amory. I am just sitting her biting my nails thinking about tomorrow. I wish I could just distract myself from thinking about it right now.

[toothfairie]

i'm sorry hon...try not to stress over it....just think of it as a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself....a few days of feeling bad is so worth it!  Just believe and trust in yourself....you are stronger than you think.  Do you still have access to any pills?  that will make it much harder to stay clean if you have access....i'm glad you have a few days off...that way you can just relax and not worry about anything but getting better....i promise if you stick with it, you will be so happy you did!!  

[gottaBstrong]

I will be honest, I still have 10 pills in the drawer next to my bed. At first I got my pills from a dealer I knew of on the street, then he went to jail. My boyfriend never wanted to get me the pills because he did not want to aid my abuse, however, when my dealer went to jail, he began getting them for me because living together, he saw how sick I would be when I did not have them. Also, I would make him feel bad for me and manipulate him into getting them for me. He knows tomorrow is the day I stop for good. He has told me he will not get me the pills no matter how hard I beg and plead. I am too scared to get them on my own anymore because they have really cracked down on drug activity in my area..so I know that fear will keep me from going out and finding them. I certainly wont risk my school and future for 10 years in jail for the pills anymore. I should go flush the pills down the toilet right now. I don't know what is stopping me. Tomorrow is my day. I have to do it. I need to flush the pills. I know I do. Why do I still feel like holding on?

[toothfairie]

Honey....flush those pills!  we love flushing parties around here!!  lol  i flushed my last 20 or so...i had to, when you are feeling bad they will just be there calling out to you....flush them now before you even thing about it...they aren't enough to even taper with..so i say get rid of them....i KNOW it's a scary thing...and it feels like a safety net right now...but if you don't do it now...when will you get another few days off to recoup?  so now is the time....If you take them, it's just prolonging it.  Go for it girl!  i wanna hear that swooshing sound!!  LOL