How do you deal with a son that has an addiction?

[LONESOME]

Sorry to overwhelm everyone with my problem it seems like we are letting it all out today, my son is 17 years old he will be 18 in December and he has been in one after another type of trouble and now for the past year he has been using pot it used to be on the weekend now is everyday he was taking lortabs from me he said he was not taking them but I don't know we do drug test and all that shows is marijuana always my husband has kick him out several times and we always take him back after a week. Well 10 days ago I found out he is also doing "xanix bars" yeah what I know of xanix bars is that is xanax thru the nose but not sure and that he tries anything he can get his hands on, the same day I found out we did a drug test the ones you buy at the walgreens and again the only thing was marijuana but of course the test was limited to 4 things meth,coce,marij,opiates.
My husband and I talked to him and my husband told him that it was enough and that he had to respect the house and us ant that the next time that we see him using or druged out we will kick him out of the house, he has put us through soooo much and we are fed up with him we have 2 young girls in the house that know so much already things that they shouldn't know because of my son.
Anyways 2 days later my husband is driving my daughter to soccer practice and sees my son coming out of walgreens all druged out his eyes red he could hardly talk to him, so my husband kick him out of the house AGAIN but this time is diffrent he has not made contact till today is been about 8 days and he send a text telling me to text back so I did and he didn't txt back his girl friend txt me and said we need to take him back bc he will be in a park bench sleeping soon bc his friends parents are bigining to ask "why is he not going home".
I really don't know what to do and how to deal with this so far I have left my husband to deal with the hole situation bc what I'm going thru my self but this is killing me I love my son so much and I don't know if we are doing the right time by kicking him out, I'm sure you have gone thru this or know someone or just can say something to help me please any advise I will thank you so much
GS

[LONESOME]

Thank you all for all your advise you all help me a lot, my family(sister, brother in law, husband and I were taking about addiction last night and my husband says that he doesn't belive on passing your gene on addiction to your kids he doesn't believe there is a gene on addiction like diabitis or cholesterol and allergies he believes on the "medical" part but not the addiction part and I say yes, what do you all think?

[10356]

Please do not blame yourself, you and hubby had given your son all the advantages and many chances I agree that only he knows where rock bottom is and really the only thing you can do is be  there when he hits, also remember you had raised him so inside his head are the positive things you have taught him and you did say he was active in sports so the drive is there its just buried under the drugs right now. you have your younger girls to think about and you know when they pick him up he will be safe, then maybe he will be ready to begin healing. I can not Imagen the pain you and your hubby are suffering as we all love our children but please be good to each other and stay firm that you will be there when he is ready.. Take care

[worried878]

I am sorry but i have no experience with this to help you....i did raise children by myself but was never faced with drug use that i knew of...but i am sure it was there...they are 27 and 31 now and turned out good although they had their struggles...my son always wore black and was a big time rebel...they grow up and now he is an engineer planning a family....my daughter has an 8 year old..works for her dad and is finishing her degree...i was a hellion when i was a teenager so i can not speak of being an angel as i definitely was not and was pregnant at 16...but i turned out pretty good other than the addiction thing...neither of mine were conformists by any means...all we can do is what we feel is right in our hearts

[sadinmichigan]

if your son is on probation and not following the rules..He needs to know that he can't hide under mommy and daddy's protection anymore..that is not throwing him to the curb or not caring..when my son went to jail...at 17 for fighting at school...with brass knuckles..it was not even in my control to do anything..the state charged him as an adult.He had never been in trouble before...was he an angel??? No but he was a teen..he made a decision that could have cost him his life and someone elses...when he was in jail for 48 stinking hours..i thought i was going to die..i wanted to rescue him right away..just like i had my daughter before..well that 48 hrs changed his life..i don't know all of what your son is doing..my son was taking steroids..he is on probation for a reason and if you stated it earlier i'm sorry..please don't feel guilty..it sux as a parent to let your kids suffer even wearing the wrong fashions!!! But he needs an eye opener..it will be his decision..a 17 yr old has the knowledge of right and wrong..you can not "make " him do anything anymore..I know some of you may not agree with me and thats ok..

[Sportsguy86]

I'm sorry my response confused you.  Try reading it again.  What's actually really confusing is how you are going about this.  What are you asking? What we think you should do with YOUR son?

I have to ask: have you had a history with drugs yourself? Because that could explain why you are coming on here to ask us.  If so, I apologize and understand.

Listen, it's obvious your son does drugs.  You haven't given enough information to allow us to decipher whether he is a drug addict or just a teen having fun.  Either way, it's no good, and you should do all you can to put an end to it.  

[LONESOME]

Yes there is this rehab in san jose that I want to send him to for 3 moths my niece went to that rehab and that saved her is now a year since the last time she used meth, I know my son can make it is just a matter of him letting go of his friends and that is the hard part because my niece left the enviroment she was use to, us we can't move out of state to change his friends we just wont do it.

[LONESOME]

Your post just confused me, but thanks

[GoingToMakeIt]

If I were you I would listen to Lizzie Lou. she is on here because of her lids and is not a user. She has a vast amount of knowledge in this area. My 2cents is to try to get him in rehab, before he turns 18 and you can't force him.

[LONESOME]

Crispy thanks you are right it is a double edge sword, and Dieing yes there is a lot I can learn from you and my son I have learned so much from him as well and yes you are right I should let him do as he wants he wants me to be cool with his life stile then yeah I'm cool but NOT IN MY HOUSE I'm sick of his behavior I don't want my daughter to do the same as him they already hate him so much for hurting us and they use to love him so much he went from been this kid you know normal teenager gething into trouble bc cell phone in class to getting arrested for having some 100 lortabs and marijuana on him, I just have to be strong

[Sportsguy86]

Do what you feel is right.  None of us really know your son or what he's like so we're not in the position to say.  You really shouldn't be going to an online forum to ask strangers you need to do for your son.  Do what you feel should do--the standards by which you live by.  There's no "one" answer for these things.  I can list many people I know who smoke marijuana and take pills recreationally that aren't addicted or destructive and live normal and productive lives. I also know people who aren't as fortunate.

The way you've described him doesn't seem like he's any junkie or anything--or anything too far from just a teen having fun.  But, that said, you have to make it clear you don't allow it and take action, even if its just "boys being boys" and not a drug addict waiting to happen.  It does sound like he is headed down a bad path.  Many times these things don't end well--and you've got to cut out the trouble before it grows too big.

[Dieing2Live]

well, i myself am 18 so i can give you some advice from his point of view. honestly, i dont think there is anything my parents could have done or said that would change my ways. since he is 17 you can have him comitted but i dont think that will really help. he has to want the change. as long as you let him come back he wont change, let him sleep on the park bench for a couple weeks. thats my best advice

[Crispy]

this is a double edge sword issue. Some ways work better then others and diffrent ppl react to diffrent treatments. If your to hard on him it might push him farther away if your not tough enough he will just keep walking all over you.  Just reach down deep inside yourself and make the best decesion you can possibly make that is all you can do and dont regret the decesion becasue its not like your a bad parent, i seriously doubt you would intentionally hurt your children. I hope things get better for you

[Draco6453]

If its gotten past that then there's nothing you can do but put him in rehab because obviously he doesn't respect you and your wishes. Play the tough love card, if he doesn't respect you don't respect him.

[LONESOME]

The thing about the drug test is that he is in probation so he had to do "random drug test" by court, the last test we did was bc of the info I received and I wanted to see if he was using other things like opiates, my son sneeks out of the house, he has parties at our house when we are at work with 40 to 50 teenagers drugs and alchool involved of course, he uses weed in front of his 2 11 year sisters in the house or he try and my daughter call me he treats us like s***** all the time all the time we have tried the nice way the therapy way the psychologist way and nothing, what other thing can I do?

[LIZZIE LOU]

getting drugs in jail/prison is pretty easy.

your son is still young enough to help him.  dont just give up and leave it up to him to "decide".  a person under the influence of drugs is not capable of making a rational decision about what is best for him...especially a 17 year old.

your son needs rehab...not jail.!.!.!  sticking him into jail is NOT going to help...and he will probably come out a different person than he went in...not for the good either.

[LONESOME]

Thanks I know that it dosen't matter what you provide for them and it is a disease is maybe my fault I probably gave him that disease I know I did God I really hate my self for all that I have done

[Draco6453]

I'm 16 going on 17 and have the same situation at home although not nearly to the extreme as your family. My parents found out about that i smoke weed and drink occasionally and flipped out (still don't know about the pills I take every now and then), though i continue to do it because I don't see it as a problem. The key to making him stop is not to bully him into quitting until the last resort. If you bully from the start it'll make him want to resist your wishes even more and it'll probably get worse. He probably continues to do it either because he's addicted (time for rehab, hopefully consensual) or he doesn't know the full extent of what will happen to him with constant usage. You need to change his mindset and tell him what will happen to him and support it with facts. I hate to say this but the constant drug tests have to go or else he'll will completely stray away an lie to you to avoid the drug tests. You have talk to him about how you can fix this problem TOGETHER. Don't be angry if he strays now and again but be understanding and help him through it. Instead of popping a drug test  on him give him a vague idea of when it is so it won't be parents v. kids. If you try to be understanding a keep an open mind it should work though slowly and surely. After all this and its still to the point where its detrimental to his health, you'll have no other choice but to send him to rehab so he can get the bad side of drugs first hand.

Sorry its a bit long but i'd thought you'd like to see it from closer to your son's point of view - Draco

[LONESOME]

I just got a call from his probation officer and I told her that he is not following any of the rules and that he is out of the house and she said she is putting a warrant for his arrest today, so if the police get him they will take him to jail ughh, I really hate this

[grace10]

My grandmother nearly killed me trying to help me.  Sad's right you have to let him fall on his but, if he won't go to treatment, cut him off.  It's not about you or his dad making him happy or loving him or how you raised him, you can't fix it. He has to, and he has to get really miserable before he'll fix it. He's just wired wrong and has a disease, but it has to be up to him to fix is life, then maintain it.  I know it's harsh and hard to do the tough love thing, Just my experience w/ my family.

[LONESOME]

Thats what my husband tells me and I do too but I think maybe there is something that I can do before he hits bottom. But I just can't get him to do it, we give him everything I mean everythin (maybe that's the problem) but we live in the best neiborhood, nice place, nice school, the kid has every electronic and that is not enough to make him happy.

[Crispy]

Yes jail is a wake up call to some I know it was for me.

[sadinmichigan]

i will tell you something...as harsh as it is..to me..omg..my heart breaks..you have to let him hit it...I mean rock bottom..I have 6 kids as you know..1 missing..she's been in jail..not alot of help so far...my son..One time he got in a fight..took it too far..went to jail..totally changed...i know it's so harsh...I'm sorry..

[LONESOME]

Yes it is a hearbreak I love my son so much and he is not the same anymore he used to be so athletic and into soccer

[lovepat906]

If you have insurance that covers it- I would offer to get him into rehab. If not I would call any local rehabs and see if they have any " scholarships" or try through the health dept. IF I could get a rehab situation , I would offer to take him back- but only if he completes the rehab program and continues after care when he gets out. Maybe- if you can get him on the right road now , things won't progress down the dark road od addiction.
I am so sorry. It is the biggest heartbreak to watch the little boy you knew fall into the abyss...