Aa
to hell and on my way back
Ill keep this short because I'm sure many of u doubt anything I say, with good reason. Most of you probably think I'm dead. And frankly, after these last 2 months I should be. How I am still alive, employed, and somehow landed a wonderful and smokin hot new girl is beyond me. I have a dr appt in 2 wdeks to beg for help. I went from simply abusing oxy, to speedballing 2-4 bags of rock mixed with the oxy and a gram of H. God must really want me around for a bit longer and I cam no longer ignore this fact. You will be hearing from me again soon. Only good things from now on.
I know. Most of the time it was like I was on dope autopilot. I mean......ive never even HEARD of someone hitting it like I was. And working 50 hours a week......I wish I wasn't as good at hiding it. I'm done though. There was a day when I thought "if I just keep going, ill die fir sure and this will all be over finally"
:'-( I don't wanna die. And I'm not going too. F this stuff. F it to hell
:'-( I don't wanna die. And I'm not going too. F this stuff. F it to hell
I will say it again. I'm glad you came back. Let us know what we can do to help. I think it's obvious that you already know what kind of trouble your addiction has brought to your life. None of us are exempt from that. We all made a ton of mistakes and the only thing that matters right now is that you are trying again. And not one of us is in a position to judge.
I really am glad you're trying again. And we'll be here :)
I really am glad you're trying again. And we'll be here :)
Wow, I have been thinking about you and thanks so much for letting us know you are okay. Please keep posting and I am glad you are going to the doctor. It's a start. Does your new girlfriend use at all?
Glad to hear you are alive.....and yes....just the other day, buddycrunch and I were wondering about you. He had a 46 yr old friend found dead in his truck this past week.....so we never know do we?
Be sure to let us know how it goes with the doctor and what you decide.
A lot of people are pulling for you.....concerned for you...and praying for you....more than you could ever imagine~
Be sure to let us know how it goes with the doctor and what you decide.
A lot of people are pulling for you.....concerned for you...and praying for you....more than you could ever imagine~
Man could you try to drop the rock in the meantime at least.You don't need that.
Keep that doctor appointment. don't let it be a constant mirage appearing in the distance and then mysteriously disappearing as you near it.
Sounds like you got lots to live for and god seems to change his mind alot and decide things rather senselessly so get help in human form soon.
keep checking in buddy
Keep that doctor appointment. don't let it be a constant mirage appearing in the distance and then mysteriously disappearing as you near it.
Sounds like you got lots to live for and god seems to change his mind alot and decide things rather senselessly so get help in human form soon.
keep checking in buddy
I am glad you are back on here posting. We all want the best for you!! It sounds like you need help before that appointment though. Keep us updated!
I'm not proud. If that's how it sounded. Amazed? Yes. Proud? No
Yes, son in my life. And whefher you believe this or not, NEVER has he been put in harms way. Id prefer not to argue about it cause I'm sure you don't think that's possible, but I assure u it is
No, girlfriend does not use. I was upfront with her. But no. Which I thinl is a good thing.
The rock is gone. As is the H. Ive been able to do that before. Just like that at the drop if a hat. Just these f'ing pills......
Yes, son in my life. And whefher you believe this or not, NEVER has he been put in harms way. Id prefer not to argue about it cause I'm sure you don't think that's possible, but I assure u it is
No, girlfriend does not use. I was upfront with her. But no. Which I thinl is a good thing.
The rock is gone. As is the H. Ive been able to do that before. Just like that at the drop if a hat. Just these f'ing pills......
I was wondering what was going on with you too. You seem to have been given so many chances...something a lot of us don't get...just stop messing around with that terrible stuff. You are in too deep and I'm curious to see if you keep that appointment. There are some here who don't believe you will and I'm sorry to say I'm one of them. Please prove us all wrong and do SOMETHING to help yourself. Your luck is going to run out...along with your life. Stop that from happening...only you can do it...not us...not your family and not that smoking hot girlfriend....DO SOMETHING...
Hey Beyond, Glad to see you and happy your sounding so positive. What an incentive you have in your current path. All seems to be looking up, now it's time to do as you say and upright the last of the ills in your world. I can almost see your 3 month post now!!!! I know your appt isn't for 2 weeks, but can you start building your dream team right now? Going to meetings, getting sober friends, etc? I have faith in you. Thanks for the check in. Was wondering.
hi
glad to hear u stopped with the speed. as im sure you know brew, mixing uppers and downers is always a real bad idea, as are all drugs. your heart doesnt know whether to speed up or slow down. Opiates are tough to get off of, but it is possible. just be honest with yourself and start building a foundation for your future. You can do it!!
glad to hear u stopped with the speed. as im sure you know brew, mixing uppers and downers is always a real bad idea, as are all drugs. your heart doesnt know whether to speed up or slow down. Opiates are tough to get off of, but it is possible. just be honest with yourself and start building a foundation for your future. You can do it!!
I think it's fantastic that your girlfriend doesn't use. I was afraid to ask but I am glad I did lol. I am sure she will help you keep that appointment if you have been upfront with her. You have a lot to live for so fight for your life. You are worth it.
I guess my question is why are you on a suicide mission? LIke many of us addicts..our addiction is usually fueled by something we are hiding from that is killing is inside. I hope you find your demon so you can put it to rest. Good luck!
I've read through most of this guy's posts, and the advice being offered. It is bothersome to me that all the good people have devoted so much time and energy to someone that seemingly doesn't care 2 bits about actually getting even remotely clean, while others don't get near as much help. There's only so much you can do for the poor guy over a forum. I'm not saying to throw in the towel; just that there are so many people that DO want the help and support.
To me, this poor soul seems like he may have Munchausens disease. Always posting something grander than previously, rarely responding, and not listening or heeding anything people say.
Maybe his saga shouldn't bother me, but to see all the resources offered to him and not others is one of the biggest reasons that I said I was done reaching out here. It hurts to see people that reach out and really want to change their lives, only to get a handful of responses.
To the OP, I hope you hit bottom and wise up before you hit the bottom of a hole 6 feet deep. I can't offer you anything that others haven't already except a prayer. You certainly need it.
To me, this poor soul seems like he may have Munchausens disease. Always posting something grander than previously, rarely responding, and not listening or heeding anything people say.
Maybe his saga shouldn't bother me, but to see all the resources offered to him and not others is one of the biggest reasons that I said I was done reaching out here. It hurts to see people that reach out and really want to change their lives, only to get a handful of responses.
To the OP, I hope you hit bottom and wise up before you hit the bottom of a hole 6 feet deep. I can't offer you anything that others haven't already except a prayer. You certainly need it.
HadEnough, I am glad you posted again. I do want to point out a few things. It's much easier to receive responses if you start a new thread instead of staying on one. Quite often it looks like someone has received lots of support even though they have asked a new question within an older thread. People coming on to offer support see an older date and all the responses and think that they have been "looked after" for lack of a better term.
Also, some of us don't have experience with the particular drug of choice, like suboxone or methadone and don't feel qualified to answer someone's question.
Please remember we are all addicts whether we are recovering or still struggling and we try to do the best we can. We offer our time freely and the reason we still come here is for help for ourselves or to help others.
Beyond Screwed is well known to the forum and we will never give up on him.
Please post new threads with different questions if you need our help and I am sure you will receive the support you need, remembering that sometimes the forum is quiet as we all are trying to live our lives as well.
Also, some of us don't have experience with the particular drug of choice, like suboxone or methadone and don't feel qualified to answer someone's question.
Please remember we are all addicts whether we are recovering or still struggling and we try to do the best we can. We offer our time freely and the reason we still come here is for help for ourselves or to help others.
Beyond Screwed is well known to the forum and we will never give up on him.
Please post new threads with different questions if you need our help and I am sure you will receive the support you need, remembering that sometimes the forum is quiet as we all are trying to live our lives as well.
Hi Beyond...good to hear from you. I hope you find the help that you need at the doctor. Keep us posted...
You sound positive which will help you move forward. Keep that positivety to help you in the rough moments. So glad to hear you dropped the other drugs and looking for help with your dr to get off the opiates too. We have all been scared for you..and in my humbld opinion I see you taking baby steps towards your recovery. A little timid, catiously and slow. Once you get that help, you will pick up your speed and embrace recovery for your new life. In the meantime, I will offer prayers that you continue forwards and that you are protected and that you will be open to the help you have been given and will receive. Be careful with the opiates and not raise your ceiling with them after dropping the heroin.
Hi!
I'm new here as of Jan. & I know the majority of these posters have been clean &/or here for good amt. of time. All I can say is to not give up because I used heroin, cocaine, alcohol & Methadone for 31 yrs. I'm 47. I should have been dead several times over. I realize now that I wasn't truly interested in stopping even though I've buried a lot of friends. It's a sort of madness, the denial - the lack of clarity. (Although - I did cool it in the last 6 yrs.) Perhaps, I was given "too many chances" but I'm Oh so grateful, now. So, I'm in no position to shake a finger & I know that kinda' thing used to send me further from help. The thing is that things didn't start to change for me until the way I thought & looked at the world & myself shifted. If you keep walking down the same street - you'll fall into the same hole. Simple as that or as Einstein said: "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them." When things "shifted" for me I realized that as "adults" we are all ultimately responsible for the things we feel, think & do -- that our perception -- character & habits -- not the external pressures/other people -- are what we create our problems from. It's a scary concept but one that must be accepted in order to be liberated.
This past Dec. 25th I took my last dose & walked. It was the 1st time in my life that I TRULY KNEW I actually wanted to be clean. I'm still ill of course, but I welcome it with gratitude. I'm staggered that I'm doing it. I thank the universe & everyone who's supported me on this site & the people w/ long clean time who do "service" & are such an inspiration. So, all I'm saying is something has to give - to change- in the way you're looking at things -- it's not really about just letting go of the drug -- as I'm sure you know.
I believed I was a "lifer" for so long that I wore it as an identity and used it as an excuse. Something to think about anyway.....
Wishing you the "shift" you need
I'm new here as of Jan. & I know the majority of these posters have been clean &/or here for good amt. of time. All I can say is to not give up because I used heroin, cocaine, alcohol & Methadone for 31 yrs. I'm 47. I should have been dead several times over. I realize now that I wasn't truly interested in stopping even though I've buried a lot of friends. It's a sort of madness, the denial - the lack of clarity. (Although - I did cool it in the last 6 yrs.) Perhaps, I was given "too many chances" but I'm Oh so grateful, now. So, I'm in no position to shake a finger & I know that kinda' thing used to send me further from help. The thing is that things didn't start to change for me until the way I thought & looked at the world & myself shifted. If you keep walking down the same street - you'll fall into the same hole. Simple as that or as Einstein said: "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them." When things "shifted" for me I realized that as "adults" we are all ultimately responsible for the things we feel, think & do -- that our perception -- character & habits -- not the external pressures/other people -- are what we create our problems from. It's a scary concept but one that must be accepted in order to be liberated.
This past Dec. 25th I took my last dose & walked. It was the 1st time in my life that I TRULY KNEW I actually wanted to be clean. I'm still ill of course, but I welcome it with gratitude. I'm staggered that I'm doing it. I thank the universe & everyone who's supported me on this site & the people w/ long clean time who do "service" & are such an inspiration. So, all I'm saying is something has to give - to change- in the way you're looking at things -- it's not really about just letting go of the drug -- as I'm sure you know.
I believed I was a "lifer" for so long that I wore it as an identity and used it as an excuse. Something to think about anyway.....
Wishing you the "shift" you need
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
