MY WITHDRAWALS AND RECOVERY

[oxynomore07]

Well I thought I would write down a little of my story for everyone since it has been 4 months and I don't post much anymore. I started out taking ultram/tramadol for about a year then moved to hydro 180 10's a month then tylox (oxycodone) 180 month. Well after that is when things got really out of control. I started getting pills from my grandma 40mg oxy's and 5 mg oxys. I was taking around 200mg a day. Then I found out that my Great aunt had tons of pills that didn't even work for her since she has been taking them for 20 years. She had hydromorphone, methadone, and fentanyl patches 100mcg. I would cut the patches open and suck out the med. I was taking the hydromorphone and methadone together when I ran out of oxy's. I have to tell you when I stopped I went cold turkey from everything and I truly thought I was going to die. I didn't find this site till about two weeks later. I got so sick it took me a half hour to go from my bed to across the hall to the bathroom. I didn't sleep for 8 days, I was shaking and sweating buckets. The worst was laying in bed feeling like you are dying while everyone else is peacefully sleeping. I found it better to watch tv and not try to sleep cause that just made it worse. I was in so much pain I crawled to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water and laid in there for hours. I had horrible RLS I could not stop moving my legs. I would move them so much my wife kicked my out of bed. I would get up the sheets would be soaked and I thought I might have pissed myself. The anxiety was really bad and I had 0 zip zilch energy. Well now to the good part. I did live and have now been clean for 128 days. I really feel great and am very glad I did this. There will be some bad days after the withdrawal but after a few weeks the good days are far more than the bad. Just know that it will get better and that each day that passes you will be stronger and healthier. I hope each and everyone of you will someday feel as good as myself and others that are now clean. You can do this!!!!

Best wishes

Josh

[worried878]

What a story...you must be a very strong person to have kicked all that CT!   Great post...mandee...I never thought about it like that...I know most people can go to social function and never feel like they have to drink or take pills to have fun, they dont even want to, dont even have the urge.....hummmmm...good point

[mandee500]

Yeah, and emptiness, a void. Like the first summer BBQ I hit is gonna be hell (can't drink, am a sober alcoholic too for over a year now) can't take pills, why can't I just NOT WANT TO, not that I CAN'T. Thanks for the motivation, if it does getter better a month or so longer isn't too much to pay, I really do want to be free just been feeling like it's never gonna happen, until I heard from you ; ) Thanks.

[oxynomore07]

congrats on 14 days you are doin great!!!

Josh

[oxynomore07]

That feeling will go away it takes awhile. I know what you mean though it was kind of like an empty feeling like something is missing but that goes away it takes a few months though. I just thought that as each day passes it gets a little better and if I screw this up I will have to do this all over again. NO WAY JOSE!!!!!


Josh

[mandee500]

Me too flutterby111, but I'm only 14 days in, seems I don't like life as much clean, but could quickly get out of control like Josh, thank you sooo much for sharing by the way. How did you deal with the feeling that you NEEDED something to make life enjoyable? I would love to pick your brain on that subject and congrats on your freedom, I would love to feel free : )

oh and back to you flutterby, don't do it.... you are WAY too FAR into this to screw it up, post about it and we'll remind you (and I'll remind myself at the same time)

MUCH LUV

[Flutterby111]

You just reminded me why I need to stay clean.  I've been having really really bad thoughts about relapsing lately.....cravings a ton...and I'm 6 weeks clean today.  I don't want to relive that ever again.  Thank you.  I was never on that much dope.  Yes, I can do this.....Thank you.....  You gave me hope!!!!  Congrats on your sobriety!

P.S. I thought I pissed myself too-isn't that awful-LOL I can laugh now!

[toxictome]

Congrats on 4 months...and thanks for your story...that gives us all hope that life does get better!!!!    You should be proud of yourself!!! Way to go!!

[oxynomore07]

Thank you I just hope I can help because I know it can be a very scary time and just knowing that some of us are beating this and have gone through it really does help. I know everyone can do it you just have to want it bad enough.

Best wishes

Josh

[mommy52713]

you give me the currage to know i to can do this im proud of you keep up the good work you rock♥

[mimi1313]

Josh,

That was a really good post. I'm glad you posted it since it will give a lot of new people going through wd's hope that if you can get through that, then so can they.

Melissa

[skoochie]

wow!  good story for people to hear and know there is light at the end of the tunnel!! YOU ROCK!!