withdrawal : problem staying clean

[Glockster]

This is the first time I've posted in here . Long story short , I've been addicted to opiates around six years . I've kicked a few times and I can never seem to stay clean . I just can't stop thinking about it , i even dream about it . That's always fun . . . My question is how do you get past that . No matter how busy i stay , it persistently haunts me . The reason I'm asking is because I've decided to get clean again . I'm 24 hrs in and could really use a little advice for the long term . I've been to N.A. Before . It doesn't really seem to help . Just don't know what to do . Thanks to anyone who responds in advance .

[meegWpaw]

Hi Glockster ... ive relapsed more x than i can count and idk if ill stay clean this time, but i have a lot of hope.  for the first time i went into treatment ... just a ten day intensive outpatient, and now im in their aftercare groups.  it has been amazing for me.  in so many ways it has really taken a lot of my thoughts and feelings about addiction and turned them on their azz ... i highly recommend it.  i also go to lots of meetings, NA, AA and al-anon ... persevere!!!  good luck :)

[jifmoc]

Hey, Glock. I really really am saying this from a place of caring, so I hope you take it that way; you kicked drinking on your own as you say, but then you went to pills. That means you didn't do it on your own. You just substituted. It's not a different beast, it's the same beast: addict thinking and behavior. Not to get into the steps on here, but having no control over ones addiction means any substance. I've learned the substance is irrelevant; it's own thinking. What is it about our thinking that we need to numb ourselves whether it's booze or pills or meth or coke.

I still think lots of parts of the program are "weird." But I was told to have an opened mind and be willing. So I am. My life ultimately fell into shambles w/ my best intelligent thinking, so I have to be humble and listen to others. It's very hard!!

Please keep posting and by the way, are you detoxing from pills or are you planning it?

[Glockster]

Yea I honestly went just a few weeks it was all about admitting you had no control over your addiction and submitting yourself to a higher power . I'm not powerless I mean I kicked drinking all on my own . But this is a whole new beast apparently .

[motye51]

As u stated, you've done the physical part of w/d...but after awhile the mental part of w/d comes on and honestly, thats where the real work begins. If u read through most peoples stories on this website, you will find one main thing in commen. Most people can get clean but they dont stay clean without some form of aftercare. What you're experiencing with the thoughts and dreams is so totally normal with addiction....if not treated, it will almost always talk u into going back!
Honestly, if u want to stay clean you must do aftercare. Wether it be N/A, A/A, therapy, addiction counseling, SMART Recovery, something!
You posted that u tried N/A and it didnt work...i have to ask, how far into the program did u get, if not too personal?? Your not the first one to say that and my local N/A group is fantastic. I just wonder about other groups???

[Glockster]

Thanks for the input gnarly . I don't so much need help with the detox . Sadly I'm fairly well versed with that one . Its the staying clean part . And yea you are kinda right about the not wanting to quit . Its a weird duality . I hate it and love it at the same time . But I am ready to be done with it . I can't keep getting high . I want to , but that's unrealistic . As I said I can't stop thinking about it . I've been clean a few times a few months here a couple there . I always go back starting with the " I can do it just this once " ...

[gnarly_1]

Hi Welcom to the forum  congrats on wanting to take your life back we can walk you threw the detox but it is going to be up to you to get some sort of aftercare  N/A is not for everybody  many of us are still in denile about being addicts and that can be a hard pill to swallow  but addiction will not just go away after the pills stop it is a progressive disease that ends are always the same  jails  institutions or death  this is no game your playing it is life or death for me  if im really honest with myself and are willing to make the effort to get clean N/A is a great program keep in mind the desire to get clean must excide the desire to get high im not sure if your there yet but every bodys bottom is different  .....Gnarly