My 8 year old will not wipe properly after using the toilet

[debz1111]

is it normal for 8 year old girls not to clean after going to the toilet?
My 8 year old will not wipe properly and her pants smell every day, I have tried to explain that if the children in school notice the smell she will be called names.
I have tried everything I can think of, chastising, smacking, putting sanitary towels in her pants, punishing her even telling her that if she is dirty she does not go to her friends party. Hoping this would work, nothing works.
If I stand in the bathroom with her, she will clean so much, why won't she do this if I am not standing there?
I am so frustrated and at the end of my teether as she was such a clean little toddler.
What can I do?
Is it normal?
My 6 year old daughter is very clean but does have the odd day where she has dirty pants, I worry that she might go down the same route.

[specialmom]

I agree.  Children struggle and that kind of treatment compounds their issues.  It's very unfortunate when any parent handles a situation like this in that manner.  

[sownpeace]

Hopefully by now, your child is wiping better... my son has sensory issues and anxiety trouble so wiping for him is hard because he is unsure if he can do it without getting poo on his hands. It is incredibly frustrating for his father and I to still be dealing with wiping him, but we either wipe him, offer him gloves to wipe himself, or stay in the bathroom to coach him (as recommended by his O.T.). I can not imagine the parents on this forum who are saying that they have spanked their children for having an accident in their pants or not wiping. It is mean, disrespectful, and does not accomplish the goal that you are setting out to achieve; on the contrary, negative speech towards toileting (at any age and for any stage of potty training) WILL create anxiety in the child that can lead to LIFELONG toileting stress and/or gastrointestinal disorders. ~ April, M.Ed. School Counselor

[Anonymous_2019]

I know this post is old but I completely agree with you. I know parents aren’t supposed to judge other parenting styles and I do my best to live by that but for this… I don’t care… it is appalling to me that a parent would strike their child for this without it understand first why it happens. I think the parents saying they have shamed, spanked, humiliated, ostracized their child for this should be more upset with themselves than their child. That’s a disgrace.

[specialmom]

have you tried a reward system?

[Andria4]

I am having simular issue with my 7 year old daughter not wiping after using the restroom.  I would love if someone out there has advise on what I SHOULD do to make some head way with this.  I will say my daughter hasn't regressed but has never really wiped.  I have spoken to her doctor about this issue several times to have him discuss the health issues with not wiping.  I KNOW she does not wipe at home or school and the reason is she doesn't want to miss out on anything.  I have tried making her use more time by going back wiping and changing her panties to show there isn't time saving by not wiping. Nothing is working what do I do?

[Sandman2]

   No, you really have not approached this from "every way possible".
Do you know if it is really a wiping problem or a pooping in underwear problem?  Do you know when it is happening?   At school or at home?
Have you talked to your pediatrician about this?  And definitely check out the link I posted in my last sentence in my prior post.
   We have had many posts on this forum about pooping problems and the information given by specialmom and myself is the result of dealing with these problems.   I do remember there was one in particular that was very helpful.  I will go back and try to find it.

[Clowncar]

Please stop punishing and humiliating your children. I used to be a kid who one day just made a decision to stop wiping. I just stopped seeing the point, adult logic did not register. How many of you have straight out tried to have an open, honest discussion with your kid on why? For me, it was the beginning of a life long struggle with self neglect and depression. Do not assess your own child and think think they have no reason to be depressed, to think you know what's going on inside your kids head just because you're their parent is a huge mistake. Please, please stop punishing and check for depression before it gets worse and manifests in other ways.

[cdunn5641]

@clowncar, how do you suggest we deal with it then, if you have talked to your child? my son is 8 and he doesn’t bother wiping at all, I don’t know what else to do, we have seen paediatricians, mental health, talked about it, watched videos on it. I get him to clean up his own messes, change his clothes, have a shower, talk to him and he still does it. Is there anything we can do about it?

[Sandman2]

   Gotta agree with specialmom here.  Threatening to hold a child back at this age (or for that matter any age) is not going to work.   You use rewards or immediate, consistent behavioral reinforcement.   The problem with pooping problems is that it is very hard to have immediate reinforcement because the problem is not noticed till later.
    What can possibly work is a fairly strictly held schedule of toilet sitting accompanied with rewards.
     However, if this is happening at school.  Then the teacher has to be involved.  And I have seen many situations where the child had problems because they were afraid to use the restrooms at recess times.
    And in this case, as the parent has hopefully learned the punishments have not worked - what now?  
    In the first place it may not be due to poor wiping, but rather to actually having an accident in his underwear.  Which I think is much more likely.
    Also there are several good medical reasons - besides being scared to use the bathroom or being too lazy or having ADHD - for the child having this problem.   And what a shame if it is a medical problem and the child is being punished for it.
     This is a link to an article on functional fecal retention that might prove helpful.    http://www.practicalgastro.com/pdf/November02/LoeningBauckeArticle.pdf