My 8 year old will not wipe properly after using the toilet

[debz1111]

is it normal for 8 year old girls not to clean after going to the toilet?
My 8 year old will not wipe properly and her pants smell every day, I have tried to explain that if the children in school notice the smell she will be called names.
I have tried everything I can think of, chastising, smacking, putting sanitary towels in her pants, punishing her even telling her that if she is dirty she does not go to her friends party. Hoping this would work, nothing works.
If I stand in the bathroom with her, she will clean so much, why won't she do this if I am not standing there?
I am so frustrated and at the end of my teether as she was such a clean little toddler.
What can I do?
Is it normal?
My 6 year old daughter is very clean but does have the odd day where she has dirty pants, I worry that she might go down the same route.

[specialmom]

I offered advice not to humiliate a child and to that I stand by what I said.  

I don't think holding a child back is a positive motivator.  Spanking, shaming, humiliating, etc. is not positive parenting.

Rather, an encouraging approach with a reward system would be more appealing.  What does the child say is the issue for not wiping properly?  

I understand very much what it is like to parent a child with various challenges.  

[mrob222]

The issue with the child I deal with is the possibility of touching the poop.

[specialmom]

Oh, please do not humiliate your child like this (suggesting he stay back in school, etc.).  Perhaps your son is constipated and having problems.  

I really don't think kids desire to not wipe well or have stains in their underwear.  

I would make this more positive and safe emotionally for him.  Show him how to do it.  Talk about if he is having any trouble going, if it hurts at all or if it feels like some is still there, make sure he's leaving enough time to go so that it isn't happening on the front end, etc.  And then set up a reward type of sitation.  Approach it like i want to help you ----  not like you are an awful kid that I'm furious and disappointed with.  good luck

[Christinacyp004]

I agree I have the same problem, I do tease him sometimes. I ask him to go back to the restroom and double check his butt, underwear and rewash his hands and I have the nose of a hound. This is what a I assume is another part of his development. Some of the ways people are trying to do everything” are the exact things they should not be doing. This is degrading, and putting your child down.  We don’t even treat people we dislike like that. Don’t treat the little person you love most in this world in a negative degrading way. There is a difference between being assertiveness and negative reinforcement to correct your child. Assertiveness is consistently working with your child. Negative reinforcement only reinforces the behaviors your are trying to prevent and is abusive in nature. We don’t criticize babies for not walking perfectly when they are learning. We need to be consistent but not cruel. It’s just apart of their development.

[NYDani]

I am going through the same thing.  I decided to get online to search answers today.  My 8 year son is going through this.  I have talked to him, taken away the video games, spanked him, told him the kids aren't going to want to play with him..  I am just at my witts end with this.  I don't understand.  He stinks and sometimes it is HORRIBLE!!  Just this morning, when I was looking for a shirt for him I found a pair of dirty underwear in his dresser..  it is beyond disguisting and now all of his clothes smell.  I want to help him with this, and not hurt his feelings in the process, but I truly don't understand why he would want to walk around with poop in his underpants.   Today, I told him I was going to make him stay behind a grade in school, because he is just not ready to go on if he can't even wipe himself after going to the bathroom.  I packed up all of his video games to put away.  I told him if he did this again he was going to lose them for good, and yet, he continues to do it, or more so NOT do it...  I am nervous that I  am over reacting to this situation, but then again not..  I think I have approached this every way possible... what can I do???

[Maryolevia]

Our 8 yr refuses to wipe after she goes to the bathroom.  She leaves poop in her underwear from it.  It is disguesting.  It has concerned me that a possible problem that this could be linked to is someone abusing the child. It is scary to think of and we have talked to our child a lot I suggest you talk to your daughter about appropriate people like you and her doctor being able to see where her bathing suit covers just to cover your tracts.  I think that we have tried everything you have from asking her if she has wiped every time she exits, softer toilet paper, wipes, punishment, making her purchas new underwear with her own money everything. It does not work.  This is my step daughter so I think its even grosser to me because i never imagined an 8 yr old would regress back to baby stages.  We have a 7 month old son and I would think it might have to do wtih him and his attention however, it really started before he even was born I think.  It was early in 2010 and he was born in April there was so much going on that I think we thought she would get over it with proper attention and she never has I am so concerned that she is going to get someone in the house sick.  I have taken my temprapedic mattress out of her room because I dont want it getting poop on it.  We can have a conversation about wiping and why its important for her health and our health and kids at school dont want to be her friends cause she smells and 2 minutes later she goes potty and DOES NOT WIPE! I know your frustration and if you have found anything that works PLEASE let me know

[margypops]

...Perhaps speak to a doctor if you are concerned she has a problem .I think if you back off a bit she will be less anxious and may be able to help herself,this is just my opinion,

[debz1111]

These are all the things we have tried.
We have baby wipes and she is asked to use as many as possible to get her clean.
I never mentioned that when she has made an effort she is treated to whatever she wants.
I do not stNd over her everytime it has been once or twice to see off she actually knows what she is doing and she does.
I just wanted advice invade she has a medical problem .