Avatar universal

It is my right to know.

This is a long read, but I really appreciate anyone's advice/thoughts/comments on my situation and chlamydia diagnosis.....

With my annual testing this year I learned that I had chlamydia. I have been treated, and since then these are the only facts I have been able to uncover about my exposure.  

After getting tested, but before getting my results, I was contacted by an ex-boyfriend about the chlamydia.  We had only been separated for about a week.  He said he experienced symptoms, got tested, found out it was chlamydia, got treated, and his symptoms had started to diminish within the first day. Great.

He also noted that he had been tested in between his last sexual partner and me, that he had not fooled around on me while we were dating for the four months, and had not been with someone after we split.  Note here though, when I initially asked him about his testing history before we were ever intimate he did not offer this detail.  So, this was the first I was hearing he had actually been tested before me. Yes, I did go ahead with sexual activity despite his lack-luster response, and I realize now that was a big mistake.

This of course sent me in a tail spin. I had never had symptoms, but there was another person I had been with prior to this ex-boyfriend that could have potentially passed the STI to me.  We used condoms, but had unprotected oral sex.  We were only intimate three times. I contacted him, he relayed that he had been tested before we had sex, and after.  Everything was clear, ie he was not positive for any STDs. The extra catch with this case is that this fellow is a former Marine, and current contractor for the military.  When I called him, he was in Kuwait. He relayed that in order to enter the country he had to undergo extensive testing that did not indicate an infection. I asked him to get tested again for chlamydia specifically.  I had to take his word that he did this- but he reported back to me that he had been tested, and everything was clear.

So apparently I just gave this to myself. I did have a third partner in the beginning of the year (all of these are 2012 partners), after which I got tested. Everything came back negative, ie no STDs or HIV/AIDs. I still have contacted him to tell him to get tested, you never know, sometimes false negatives do occur.

However, in the midst of waiting to hear back from him, I did reach out to the initial ex-boyfriend, who had confronted me in the first place. Upon presenting the facts to him, I was absolutely shocked at the lack of discussion on his end.  He essentially said he did not want to argue about this, and that he had already told me what he thought about it.  "What he thought about it" was just that he had apparently been tested before we were intimate, and that he had not fooled around.  He never directly came out to say that "What he thought about it" was that I was the carrier. He did not even engage in some discussion about the possibility that the military testing wasn't focused on chlamydia. There was no critical thinking, no baffled thoughts on his side.  I underlined how important it was to figure out who the transmitter/carrier was in this situation, and he had no response.  

It is so discouraging and truly disgraceful. We all messed up here, and honesty is everyone's right.  The most unfortunate part of this is that I do not feel like I am the only sexually active person out there dealing with it. I know many of us have trust issues in relationships. I usually go in somewhat skeptical, and this is certainly not going to help that problem.  I just cannot believe someone would think they have the right to withhold this information.  If it was my ex, and let's say he did cheat, that other person could have brought a lot more to the table (such as HIV/AIDs).  I tried to relay this when I confronted him, but he did not engage on that topic.

I also am a bit frustrated with the lack of communication from my medical office. I have been going there for three years, get tested annually etc.  I am not sure 1. how long I have had this (could have been anywhere from 4 months to 3 weeks), 2. what I need to get checked out if I have had it for a while. I contacted them to ask if they had anyway of determining how long I had the infection. They relayed they could not.  Is this true?

All of this together makes me feel like a gross, unattractive woman with out rights to know what has happened. I try to always keep on top of my testing, but I made a big mistake this time, and would do anything to change that right now. It is depressing to know that most likely, I will never find out which partner gave this to me. Is there anything I can to try to figure this out?

Thank you for reading to this point. Any insights or resources would be helpful.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
It is true that there is no way to find out how long you had something or at this point even if you did. False positives seem to happen more often when done with an annual exam. It has something to do with the testing method. So I am not even sure if you did have it. If you did then I would say most likely it was from the most recent ex boyfriend, but that is just a guess.
Avatar universal
I have scheduled an appointment with my physician for next week, and I am glad I did. Honestly, I was holding back on that in fear of embarrassment. Is there any information out there though on when the infection starts to impact fallopian tubes (ie within several months, 6 months, a year) ?
Avatar universal
several months, but you develop PID and that is what affects fertility and signs of PID is pain in pelvic region and probably bleeding inbetween periods.

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