Do I need help?

[Barbst]

I’m 15 years old and recently I was told of my parents separation. I have never really gotten along with my Mam since my little brother was born (he is 9 years old there is a 6 year age gap) I went to a councilor in school about the whole thing and left feeling so much better. This lasted about a month and then it was back to my Mam and I fighting all of the time. It’s fights that always lead to me thinking about hurting myself. Sometimes I would scratch at my wrists or face to let my frustrations out, to stop thinking about our fights and to feel pain somewhere other then my mind. I had never gone as far as using a razor or something else to hurt myself but I would sometimes draw blood with my nails. If anyone asked where I got the cuts I would say I was messing around with my dog and got hurt. I never leave my house other then to go to school. I stay in bed all day reading or watching shows and I never get changed.sometimes I’ll go days without eating. I used to blame it on laziness until I realised I really don’t want to leave the house and the thought makes me feel sick. I hate going out because I think everyone is judging me and my face goes really really red and sometimes purple, my heart will speed up and my eyes water and my hands shake. I love my two dogs and they’re essentially the only things that really make me happy. I just want more and more animals and they make me really really happy. Today I got in another fight with my Mam and I got really upset, sometimes my family make me feel like I’m not wanted in the house. My dad will make sly remarks like you have your own little world and you care about no one else and he’ll make jokes about how if I never talk to him again he would be so happy. My Mam says the same things and sighs a lot when I talk which makes me feel like ****. My brother copies everything they do and will walk around the house chanting things like how no one likes me. My sister and I are really close which I’m really lucky for. I feel like a burden to her because I fight with my Mam Dad and brother. In the fight with my Mam today she lied about something she did to me, my brother took her side and she my dad and brother just laughed at me the whole time. I lost it I couldn’t stop shouting and I didn’t feel like myself at all. Afterwards I had calmed down but I couldn’t stop crying and I hurt myself. I took a razor and cut my wrist. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone because they will just think I’m being dramatic or looking for attention. Which I’m not at all. I feel like I’m broken and there’s nothing to do to fix me. I can hear my parents and brother talking about me and I feel sick. I don’t feel like eating or leaving my room.

[CamillaT]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Have you heard of online therapy? Where you talk with professionals online?

[specialmom]

Oh my.  Yes, you need to insist on help.  Cutting yourself to the point of using a razor to cut your wrists is very serious and very dangerous.  Tell your sister, an aunt, the school counselor again, any other trusted adult.  Sometimes we get crummy family and it sounds like your mom and dad may fall into this category.  But use it to be stronger because this is temporary.  You have your own life to build and will be out of that house before you know it.  Stay strong, focus on school and try to find a social peer group that is supportive.  I know this is hard if you are battling depression.  And that you cut, this means you need immediate help.  hugs