I want to die.

[MissMess]

I'm 15, and really, there is nothing ALL THAT WRONG with my life. My parents are ok, I have some friends. But I am so desperate. I can't sleep at night, I've stopped all the activities I used to like. I dropped out of school, I was failing anyways because I couldn't find the strength to open schoolbooks. I used to be good at school. I didn't cry and then start laughing out of nowhere everyday. For no reason. And yet I seem so happy to everyone, I am happy and jumpy and energetic and talk like a train around people. Then I come home and just want to die. I harm myself in any way I know. I used to cut myself but then my parents found out- I'm seeing a psychologist now. I bang my wrists against hard surfaces. I smoke just because I know it's bad for me. I drink every time I can and end up doing stupid things. I want to kill myself so bad, and yet I don't want to die. Death scares me. I don't believe in god. I dont believe in the existence of love. I don't believe in people. Some days I'm just crazy energetic and some others I lie in bed all the time, hugging my pillow and crying for all of it to go away. My moods are crazy. One second I'll just start crying with no reason, or get the urge to call my frineds to go out. It all hurts so bad.
Why should I want to live?
What is the REAL reason for suicide to be wrong?
What if there's nothing to live for?
I just want to drink and **** and do drugs and kill my brain and pretend I'm happy.

[startotheright]

Doll, if you believe that your psychologist is not helping you, you should find another one.You should find one that makes you happy and if you really think that something is wrong you should see a psychiatrist. I would advise you to see one actually so that you can actually be diagnosed and get medication for the obvious depression you are experiencing.
And I've had that urge before. Just to go into my kitchen, get a knife and just go with it. But what holds me back is the people around me. Sometimes I think they may not be enough, but I hope they will be.

[nart]

suicide is a big problem it could kill you it might not.............dont think about dieing fix your life .im at rock bottom because i tryed to kill my self and it didnt work ..........1 out of 20 actually die from suicide.....suicide creates memories that no one wants to remember........and its permnet........i was a cutter and if you could see what i did to my arm and wristes you would think twice about all this **** your talking...........you think you friend and familys will not miss you that is  BULL!!!............THATS ALL THEY WILL THINK ABOUT IS YOU...and what they feel about thems selfs is that they ****** up your life and they feel like there a bad person for not knowing it was that bad.....just think if you dont die and you end up with a horriable disablity like me...... my right hand dose not work like it did before i can do **** with it.........so i havent got a job or my life back yet...its been 4 years and i havent done nothing with my self im 27 my suicide was when i was 23............and not to mention the 3 years i had to live i severe pain.and that just makes you want to do it again...but im smarter then that now and i swear i will nevr do it again...it not worth it kid.........

[nart]

oh and i am not near the person i was meant to be.......

[nart]

go to you tube and look up (if i were you)  by hoobastack

[nart]

hoobastank.........sorry

[MissMess]

I'm sorry about your hand. And i don't say that they won't miss me, just that it would be better for them without me. I'm working on this suicide thing with my psychologist right now. And maybe yes, they are bad people, for never noticing just how low I've fallen.