I want to die.

[MissMess]

I'm 15, and really, there is nothing ALL THAT WRONG with my life. My parents are ok, I have some friends. But I am so desperate. I can't sleep at night, I've stopped all the activities I used to like. I dropped out of school, I was failing anyways because I couldn't find the strength to open schoolbooks. I used to be good at school. I didn't cry and then start laughing out of nowhere everyday. For no reason. And yet I seem so happy to everyone, I am happy and jumpy and energetic and talk like a train around people. Then I come home and just want to die. I harm myself in any way I know. I used to cut myself but then my parents found out- I'm seeing a psychologist now. I bang my wrists against hard surfaces. I smoke just because I know it's bad for me. I drink every time I can and end up doing stupid things. I want to kill myself so bad, and yet I don't want to die. Death scares me. I don't believe in god. I dont believe in the existence of love. I don't believe in people. Some days I'm just crazy energetic and some others I lie in bed all the time, hugging my pillow and crying for all of it to go away. My moods are crazy. One second I'll just start crying with no reason, or get the urge to call my frineds to go out. It all hurts so bad.
Why should I want to live?
What is the REAL reason for suicide to be wrong?
What if there's nothing to live for?
I just want to drink and **** and do drugs and kill my brain and pretend I'm happy.

[atiresoul4]

i hate being me, i am so tire of this life. everytime i try toto get i always fall back down. i have 3 three kids dont see i try so hard but still at this tunnel. i am so weeak i cant kill myself and ther people  around  me dont understand what i feel. all they can say is she wants attention,why am i so dam weak and confuse? it hurts whenu cant talk to noonebecause allthey sayis u want attention when all u really want is just a shoulder.

[googfhtrjks]

Do you think that if you commit suicide God will reallly condemn you? Thats the only thing stopping me! If you really are unhappy is better to continue living in misery? Everyday just gets worse then the one before it!

[depressed13]

hey im 15 to and i feel the exact same way(but i dont smoke or do drugs and nor did i drop out of school) i dont believe in love or people but i do believe in god and trust me if you just believe and pray he will help you in anything even though you wont see it but that's the good thing you dont have to see if you just pray he will be there for you ALWAYS(im not trying to force my beliefs on you i just wanna help and to do that i will pray for you)

[p2kyrock01]

you freak me out, honey! Don't be. Enjoy your normal life. Leave those bad things. You're still you. :)

[Kiritomo]

Hello. I was reading your discussion n just wanted to tell you that suicide is not going to solve your issue or release you from all the sufferings. If you commit suicide and die, you  will probably regret so much.
You must be in the lowest point possible right now, but you can get better with a right treatment.
If you give up and kill yourself, you will lose that opportunity to get better and feel better in the future. 
Also, your family and friends are never better off without you. I know this because my 91 year old grandma committed suicide last year. We feel very sad and guilty thinking why couldn't we help her more??? 
Your loved ones want you to be alive and be close no matter how you are.

I am 28 and have been suffering from depression on and off since I was 15.  
I won't write every detail of how tough my life has been, but you are certainly not alone when it comes to battling with the hardships of life.
Right now, my condition is not so bad, but there have been many times I felt like I want to die and people around me would be better off without me.
Once I actually overdosed on my medication. I am so glad that I am still alive and not brain damaged.

Just like you, I didn't believe in God and didn't know why I have to live such a tough life. 
 Few years ago I became Christian after my husband's countless attempts to make me believe in God. He felt believing in God will help me deal with my depression and all the negative effects it has on my life.

Now that I believe in God, I also believe we are all living for the afterlife. When I think like this,  I am too afraid of killing myself and there is no way I can commit suicide knowing my spirit will keep on living even if I kill my body. 
Also we must not kill ourselves for our loved ones. 

I still have really low moments where I feel like I am in a living hell. 
The other day I became so fed up with being depressed and angrily wondered why do I have to suffer so much? 
That night, I opened a bible page which really struck me. It basically said, people who suffer a lot in this life time will be really blessed in the afterlife. On the other hand, people who get real easy life will have more suffering in the afterlife. 
This really gave me motivation to keep on living no matter how difficult it might be. 

I am not telling you to believe in God or become religious or anything. 
I just think you won't become happier if you give up on your life now. You will regret and keep thinking why did I do such a stupid thing? You know, you can't redo your life if you commit suicide. 
But if you hang in there and keep on living, you will definitely think "I am so glad I didn't kill myself" one day. 
And when you complete your life, you will look back and think, "it has been a tough long journey but I did so well on not giving up! I am so proud of myself and can now rest in peace..."
I don't know what it's like to die but I am so sure you cannot rest in peace if you killed yourself. 

Well, I hope this gave you some hope...

I am not a doctor but it sounds like you might have bipolar disorder which is a type of depression where your mood alternates between manic energetic period and depressive period.   You should see a psychiatrist for the right diagnose and medical treatment. 
It is treatable and you should seek help ASAP. 

I hope you can get the right support network as well.
When you are feeling suicidal, you should talk to people you can trust or call help line. 
Please try not to suffer on your own and din't be too hard on yourself.

Remember, it's treatable and you will get better. 

[papabear11]

up in my room the radio on; my thoughts are racing of a life gone wrong. it's not my liffe now but one of the past; for my life is gone i'm at peace at last