I want to die.

[MissMess]

I'm 15, and really, there is nothing ALL THAT WRONG with my life. My parents are ok, I have some friends. But I am so desperate. I can't sleep at night, I've stopped all the activities I used to like. I dropped out of school, I was failing anyways because I couldn't find the strength to open schoolbooks. I used to be good at school. I didn't cry and then start laughing out of nowhere everyday. For no reason. And yet I seem so happy to everyone, I am happy and jumpy and energetic and talk like a train around people. Then I come home and just want to die. I harm myself in any way I know. I used to cut myself but then my parents found out- I'm seeing a psychologist now. I bang my wrists against hard surfaces. I smoke just because I know it's bad for me. I drink every time I can and end up doing stupid things. I want to kill myself so bad, and yet I don't want to die. Death scares me. I don't believe in god. I dont believe in the existence of love. I don't believe in people. Some days I'm just crazy energetic and some others I lie in bed all the time, hugging my pillow and crying for all of it to go away. My moods are crazy. One second I'll just start crying with no reason, or get the urge to call my frineds to go out. It all hurts so bad.
Why should I want to live?
What is the REAL reason for suicide to be wrong?
What if there's nothing to live for?
I just want to drink and **** and do drugs and kill my brain and pretend I'm happy.

[col75]

i was feeling like **** tell i was reading storys from you all and i see we are all not alone in this there are verey mean of us with simerly problems so in steed of killing our selves why dont we start a club get to know each othere talk and work to gether to get through this as there is so many great places in this world we could all travel see and do many great thing to help keep our minds of this i am willing to talk openly with any one about any thing as we as people that sufer from this things are either going to have to take the steeps to work trough it or the goverments of the world are going to have to pass laws to make as all orgen doners as its crazzy we are all doing thing that over time are going to take great tolls on what were once great orgens that some one that wants life could have

[toejam_muncher]

i didn't read anyone's response's...so it may be someone has already answered one of your questions better than i will...but you said "what real reason can suicide be wrong..."

the reason is because someday, whether it be tomorrow or 10 years from now, you will be extremely thankful to be alive. i didn't understand it when i was 15, but i'm starting to now. i'm 24 and things are starting to make more sense. i had a good friend die when i was your age. i look back on the past 9 years and wonder how it's fair i get to live and he didn't...especially since he probably enjoyed life more than me. and then i think how easy life really can end and how fast time really does pass...and it makes me thankful to have lived, no matter how painful it can be sometimes.

suicide is wrong because i have no doubt that very very very few people who commit suicide would have made the same decision if they knew how they would feel later on in their life. anyway, this is obviously something you should mention to your therapist.

[opus88]

I am sorry for all your inner problems, many that need to be worked thru probably with the psychologist ur seeing...but I agree u also need to see a psychiatrist dear, they are really the only ones that can diagnos u and give you medication, the medication will make you look at life alot different than u do now.
Try talking to your parents honestly and tell them everything ur feeling u need to get them to fully understand the extent of your illness.
However if that doesn't work and in your state u need them for a referral than I would suggest go to the ER...surely there u could get a psych consult when u make them aware of your issues and thoughts of suicide!!
goodluck honey...keep searching for your answers, do not give up on yourself

[MissMess]

As much as your story seems a nice, happy-ending one, really, I would never commit suicide to gain attention. I don't need that kind of attention. I hate it when people see my problems, I have acted out through all my life so that no one would see how I actually felt. I hate having people tell me that it's all right or talk about my problems, I can't stand it. If I were to kill myself I would rather no one noticed. I can't go see a psychiatrist because that would involve telling my parents, and they have already opposed to it in the past because they don't want to see that there is actually something wrong with me. I won't talk to my parents, it just can't work. My father is convinced he could never possibly be wrong and my mother is too scared to see that I have a problem. It would bring to nothing if not more issues.

[happygirl1]

I have a little different story to tell. I actually tried to commit suicide because I truly thought everyone would be better off without me. Boy did I get a shock? I come from a large family 3 siblings and all are married and all have children as I myself do. Anyway, as a result of my suicide attempt, my dad called me and told me if I was doing this for attention, to go ahead because he would not bear the burden of carrying the guilt of his child commiting suicide because he didn't do anything wrong. The problem with all of this is that I never accused anyone of doing anything wrong. I have not gone thru my life as an attention seeker and I needed my family for support. So, if you have your family for support, give them some credit and break down and confide in them. The family I thought I had for support is now not speaking to me ironically, when I need them the most.  So, if you still have family around and they are somewhat sympathetic to what you are going thru, then take the chance and rely on them for help. Also, get in touch with a psychiatrist not a psychologist. You really need help and there is actual help for your very real problems! You can feel "normal" again!

[star641]

hello missmess ,.......can i just say im so sorry to hear you are in so much pain
and i know you are or you wouldn't be saying the things you are saying like your family would be better of without  you ,.......how do you know that ?? can you read they minds ,
do you know what way they well suffer for the rest of they lives knowing that there baby girl died from suicide and they did nothing to help you ,....you might say its wasn't there fault but in there minds it was and it will always be ,.......there hearts will be broking in so many pieces that it will never be able to go back like it was when you where alive ,
they will hurt for the rest of there lives ,they will end up on meds ,..in hosp or worse taking they own lives through all of the pain you will leave to them ,....

im sorry hun but i just have to tell you that is how i was left after not one but two of my children died from suicide ,.....hun every loves you and with the right help you will come to realize that pleas tell your mom or dad how you are really feeling in yourself ,
tell them if the help is working for you or not ,...you must let them know everything please dont keep any seacrets from them you are only 15 and your moms baby girl
,...if only my son and  daughter had of come to me and been truthful about how they where really feeling, i do know one thing, if i had of know  i could have did all i could for to help i wouldn't be left holding this guilt in me that is tearing me apart everyday ,  ,...but the not knowing how they really hurt made  it to late ,..i have to live with that every day of my life ,.....im just talking one tiny bit from a mothers point of few of how it is to lose two children to suicide ,....believe me no one is better of with out you hun no one ,......no one ,....