husband's blues after wife's breast reduction

[concernedhusband4203]

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can with this, she's had the surgery, I told her before that she's doing this only for herself, not because I had any complaints about her breasts.  I like the new ones ok, but liked the old ones better.  I was suprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression.  The comments I read from women completely discount the feelings of the men.  I'm now having problems "finishing" the act of sex.  After she is satisfied I just loose interest, I want to finish in my mind but the feeling just isn't there.  I look over at her in normal situations and the fact that she is so much smaller bothers me.  It's been 5 weeks now, we'll keep trying, hoping these feelings go away.  When I ask if there is a support group for husbands of wives with breast reduction, I get told oh it's all about you then? No It's not all about me, but I do have feelings, and they are hurt, and there isn't anybody willing to talk to about them.

[UKlady1001]

Unconditional love sees through the physical.  Couples both female and males can go through all sorts of physical illnesses that change the way they look through illnes,s aging, operations and life saving operations etc.  Also, women can suffer prolapse and have difficulties with the ability to have sex and men can suffer issues with erectile issues for a number of reasons.  If this alters the relationship it may be a good time to consider counselling to address the changes that life brings to our bodies as we get older.  
If a woman had breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy would her husband not feel attracted to her?  Would he want to reject her?  Some men may want to move on.  This is sad but the truth is.. that his wife would simply know more about him, his fears and tolerances etc.,  He would not have changed, but have opened up more for her to see.  Is this good?  She may be very sad, but sometimes if a partner is no longer attracted to a woman simply because of physical changes to her appearance it may make her question if she has the close unconditional relationship she always thought she had.  
We are all entitled to our feelings both male and female.  
If fears and deep resentments arise in any area of a couples relationship it could be a good idea to get counselling to address this rather than allow the relationship to suffer.
If resentment builds as our partners get happier for whatever reason, there may be more going on than literally meets the eye.

[Lovinghusband1]

The funny thing is you are responding to a mans feelings using a woman’s perception.

[distraughthubby]

This is where you and all the women are completely wrong. You will never understand the male perspective and always think they are shallow and our feelings doesn't matter.
For men unconditional love DOES NOT see through the physical. And that is the entire culture of this thread that is being constantly belittled by the female comments.
For men the largest part of love is physical. 70% physical attraction and maybe 30% personality, attitude and perspective. Without physical attraction, you only have %30 love at best. I know you women can't even wrap your brain around this issue and that is why we are not asking for your perspective. This is a male issue and this is the only place I have found other men with common issues. How would you feel if all these men chimed in on your menopause support group? You would immediately discount any male comment there as well. Let men grieve and be venerable.  we are just looking for support because we all obviously emotionally love our spouses but no longer attracted to them and we are physically and emotionally wrecked by it. So just move on is not a solution.  

[Mygirlsmakeover]

Well said. My husband actually encouraged me to do breast reduction i refused. Two years later i started getting back and shoulder pains. Did reduction 1/16/2015 and am so happy with the outcome. Wish i did it long ago.

[Goforitddd]

I hate small ****.  Plain and simple.   Take it or leave it.  I don’t care.

[VikasGawri]

For reference about breast surgery(breast reduction/breast augemntation):-
http://kyraclinic.com/breast_reduction

[VikasGawri]

It is only a matter of time. Give yourself some time till you get comfortable with the changed shape of your partner's body. Once you will get comfortable with it, you will start liking the change. You have to understand that its her body & there must have been a solid reason behind her decision to go through breast reduction surgery.
One of the following Problems must have enforced her to undergo the surgery:-
-The woman with macromastia presents enlarged breasts that tend to be sagging, the weight of which cause her pains in the chest, neck, back, and shoulders
- Inhibit breathing deeply; rendering the woman unable to take a deep breath and fill her lungs with air.
- Lower breast-hemisphere skin infection (inframammary intertrigo)
- Cause brassière-strap indentations to the shoulders; and render her unable to properly fit her clothes.

[Pdxbrb]

How much time? She's gone back to her old ways and gained weight. Her torso is bigger than it was. I'm struggling with "erectile disfunction" and she has never looked worse. Imfeel horrible for saying this. She went from sexy to pudgy gramma literally overnight and has only gotten worse. I feel so crappy.

[ScottGr]

Wow.  It was gut wrenching to read a lot of these comments.  Many of these men suffer the anguish of seeing the woman they love and desire surgically altered to a point where their sex life suffers only to have it compounded with what amounts to mental abuse by others who claim they are being selfish and insensitive.  When I first told my friends 20 years ago that I was going out on a date with my future wife, they asked if I meant that chubby girl.  Yes, she was chubby and still is and always will be.  It's her body type.  Society and men in general put all kinds of pressure on each other to marry the "right type" of girl and that generally means skinny.  I am so happy I didn't listen to any of that because I ended up with the most loving and caring women I have ever met.  She also has a fantastic pair of DDs.  She knows that.  I find her, the whole package immensely attractive.  I know her boobs put pressure on her back and sometimes hinders her in other ways.  I asked her if she would like to have smaller breasts.  After thinking about it she admitted that it would be a gift in many respects but also she knows I enjoy them during sex and that she enjoys that I enjoy them.  She said that she always hears the other nurses at work complain about their lame sex lives and it makes her appreciate how active ours is and that she wouldn't ever want to jeapordize that because it is one of the reasons we are so close to each other.  Another example of why she is so amazing.  

[Pdxbrb]

You are a very lucky person. Thank you for your words.

[LAR1913]

I know my response seems to detailed but when the adult industry was introduced to the Internet a surprising result happened not every guy thought plastic fake booby Barbie Dolls were what every man wanted. Their whole world changed, suddenly they found some guys liked boobs but real flawed ones, some guys liked butts, some guys liked older women. In other worlds not all men were cookie cut, and all women were a possibly to various groups of men. I personally found I liked all sorts of women for all different reasons from the list above. God has a wrench for every nut out there. A guy for every girl, a girl for every guy

[tsteinhilber]

In December of 2013, I had made the choice to undergo breast reduction surgery. (I was a 40G and went to a D)This is something I had wanted since I was 17 years old (now 38). This decision was not made lightly and in fact was always something I had talked about to my husband from very early on in our relationship prior to getting married. When it would be talked about he was supportive, but as time drew closer, he wanted no part of it and began telling myself AND family members he would in fact, divorce me if I followed through with it. I knew that he liked my breast but to be quite honest, our sex life was practically non existent which was making me feel even worse. He said that he knew if I went through it, he may never forgive me and if I didn't do it for his sake, I would resent him. The sad reality is just this...do breast make the person? What about weight loss and gain? Hair changes, long, short, brown, blonde?
I get that there is physical attraction but when you make the commitment to marry a person, and enter into that holy sacrament , is it strictly for that physical reason? Because if that is the case, then you should not marry that individual. Marriage should be so much deeper than that.
I do not regret my choice because I have no more back pain, my shoulders do not pull forward, I can find bras and clothes that finally fit and it actually got me to start becoming more healthy because of them not being in the way of exercising. I regret that we started out on the same page and fell away from that. Now, here is the interesting turn of events, after about two months after surgery, he finally wanted to see them. We were both hesitant but made it through. It actually began to draw us closer, to open up about so many other things that we had misunderstood over the years. We actually started to have a great, regular sex life!  Sadly, after about six months, he is back to wanting a divorce and this being the no. 1 reason. YHe would go to the bar after work and then come home telling me about this particular girl, saying how big her **** were, how he tries to not look but now that I don't have them, he HAS to look at everyone else's and telling me she is a missed opportunity because he is married. Needless to say, we are back to bad and he actually has been staying with this new said girl.
I am desperately trying to understand his points and can gactually empathize with him, however, it IS my body, my pains and I dealt with the constant stares. Everyone will have their opinions but being mean and cruel to another person should never be ok irregardless of the situation.

[LAR1913]

You were straight up said your point of view from the get go, he fought it when it was finally time, you then made the decision to follow through accepting well thats it. Six months later he comes back, it improves you think its resolved he relapses back into same old reaction, but this time he tries to rub salt in the wound, tells you about all these great new hot chicks that are what "he" wants. This is on him and I'm a man. Let him go, find yourself a new pool boy, ask him to go into a restaurant where he's eating with his new chick, tell him he was right all along size is important, then point to your pool boy's manhood, way bigger then last guy you were with. Now the key, just walk away the end.