Back in the dating world again but, maybe not...

[twinkly84]

Hello,
I'm writing to ask a simple question but, I am hoping to get brutually honest answers too.
I am 39, full-figured, a workaholic, never married, no kids, college educated w/ 3 degrees.
I have travelled all over the world & am interested in many hobbies. I am average looking but, as stated, I am full-figured. I weigh 253 lbs. @ 5'4". Yes, I am fat. So, who hasn't seen a fat woman before?

Anyway, I live with a male roommate. He & I used to date from 2000-2004. However, he told me he didn't want to marry me & didn't love me. Here's the crazy part, we work & travel still together & in 2009, he & I got an apartment together & have been sharing ever since! This was his first time in 2009 until present, living in alone whereas, I have been on my own alone in apartments since I was 19!!!!! Weird or what?!

Recently, as of this Monday, I decided to give Plenty of Fish another try to find love. This was at the push of my brother & several colleagues. So, I did it.

Last night though, I was IMing a man & he asked about my status @ home. I told him I live w/my friend who is a man. He said he didn't want to go further b/c, he felt it would be too much drama. I told him I am not involved romantically, emotionally or physically with him. When I give my word, I am no liar.

So, the problem is....should I state this fact about my roommate on my profile? How would I word it to clarify that I am not involved at any portion with him in the dating sense? What should I say?

Or, should I just let it go, go w/ the flow & rely on the man's good maturity to understand that the reason I'm roomming w/him is to save $ & as stated, we work & travel together.

Please help b/c I don't want to be hurt again....

Thanks,
Twinkly84

PS: My profile has a lot of men that want to meet me & that's a good thing but, I don't want this to be a problem & have it keep coming up. Otherwise, all of my life is good & I am open for marriage/a good man.

[Londres70]

No, you're not picky Specialmom, I agree 100% with what you have said.  Independence speaks volumes.  

If a man told me he lived with his ex gf for several years and was 39 years old I would be running for the hills; there is NOTHING attractive about that situation. It is just as bad as some guy living with "mom" at age 39.  It is just too weird for me to digest.  

Hey, someone might accept this.  No need to put it out there on your profile, but if asked you need to be upfront with the man.  

[shell921]

Oh come on people in these hard economic times it's fine to have a roommate at age 39. If i was a single 39 year old woman I'd feel safer with a male roommate than a female one. IF asked about her living situation by a man she's on a first or 2nd date with all she needs to say is she has a roommate. If a man get to know her and wants to continue seeing her, then of course she should be upfront. I'm older and married many years but I have young nieces and young people today often go on a few dates with a person and nothing ever comes of it. You don't reveal your whole entire life history to someone on a first or 2nd date. It's just nonsense to do that. The person may not stick around.

[specialmom]

She describes herself as a successful career woman.  

But frankly shell, I am allowed to have my opinion and that is encouraged here---  different opinions.  She is getting from me the perspective of SOME people she might date and she is getting from you a different perspective.  

We don't have to be right or wrong to give the poster something else to think about.  

I don't think two people (you and I) have to feel the same way about something.  

So got it, you'd have a roommate and would prefer it to be male and would be miffed if anyone who is going through a dating site to find a mate found that to be something they didn't care for.  Got it.  We'd probably not pick the same people on the dating site-----  not a bit deal.  Hopefully there are enough different types to go around.

But, I was giving advice to the poster that I felt would be helpful to her.  Sorry you don't agree but my advice stands.

[Londres70]

Agree or disagree, people are entitled to their own perspective on this.  

My perspective is I would want someone who is living independently.  The career women I know are living alone or with their live-in bfs or husbands and that is NOT related to any financial situation.  I just think MOST people aren't going to be drawn to someone living with someone else of the opposite sex at the AGE of 39 plus it is with someone he/she has dated in the past.  Yes, times are hard for alot of people, but this living situation will be a definite "stumbling block" in MY opinion in regards to dating for a 39 year old.  My son lives by himself and he is 23 and doesn't have any "3" degrees.  In my opinion, having "3" degrees should put you well at the top.  Plus, the poster states she is a "workaholic" and has "traveled the world."  That doesn't reek "POOR" to me or in "NEED" of any roommate.  

I was in the dating world not too long ago and yes people usually give upfront and quickly their living arrangement situations.  Come to find out some people aren't really single, but are married or have an open relationship with their live-ins.  

Divulging your living arrangement is NOT the same as giving someone you barely know your address.  This is NOT giving away your "life history."  

Again to the poster, I don't think it is necessary to put this on your profile, but I do think you should be UPFRONT if asked.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I like Your first line Londres70, as it summarizes what I do.  I'm not offering "advice" per se, as much as I'm offering my "opinion" as relates to my "perspective" - my "perspective" is based on "my own personal" experience PLUS what I may feel I have learned along the way.    What works for me may not work for others and that's fine - SO -  When I do offer my "perspective" my attitude is:  Take what You can use and leave the rest - which is what I hope the poster is doing with all these different "perspectives".  
SpecialMom too offers Her "personal perspective" but Hers is also peppered with a lot of valuable "knowledge",  All of us might do well to pay attention when She speaks.

[specialmom]

Oh, thank you so much for the kind words. :>)!!!  

I love med help for the fact that you have all sorts of people sharing what they feel would be helpful to someone and agree that posters can take what is useful and leave the rest.