Back in the dating world again but, maybe not...

[twinkly84]

Hello,
I'm writing to ask a simple question but, I am hoping to get brutually honest answers too.
I am 39, full-figured, a workaholic, never married, no kids, college educated w/ 3 degrees.
I have travelled all over the world & am interested in many hobbies. I am average looking but, as stated, I am full-figured. I weigh 253 lbs. @ 5'4". Yes, I am fat. So, who hasn't seen a fat woman before?

Anyway, I live with a male roommate. He & I used to date from 2000-2004. However, he told me he didn't want to marry me & didn't love me. Here's the crazy part, we work & travel still together & in 2009, he & I got an apartment together & have been sharing ever since! This was his first time in 2009 until present, living in alone whereas, I have been on my own alone in apartments since I was 19!!!!! Weird or what?!

Recently, as of this Monday, I decided to give Plenty of Fish another try to find love. This was at the push of my brother & several colleagues. So, I did it.

Last night though, I was IMing a man & he asked about my status @ home. I told him I live w/my friend who is a man. He said he didn't want to go further b/c, he felt it would be too much drama. I told him I am not involved romantically, emotionally or physically with him. When I give my word, I am no liar.

So, the problem is....should I state this fact about my roommate on my profile? How would I word it to clarify that I am not involved at any portion with him in the dating sense? What should I say?

Or, should I just let it go, go w/ the flow & rely on the man's good maturity to understand that the reason I'm roomming w/him is to save $ & as stated, we work & travel together.

Please help b/c I don't want to be hurt again....

Thanks,
Twinkly84

PS: My profile has a lot of men that want to meet me & that's a good thing but, I don't want this to be a problem & have it keep coming up. Otherwise, all of my life is good & I am open for marriage/a good man.

[specialmom]

I think that besides the web site (and there are others to consider as well) is actually getting OUT there and meeting people in person.  Take up a hobby-----  go to a health club and walk or do some light weights and meet men AND women (as having good female friends gives you more opportunities to go out and meet people------  you'll be more 'in the mix' and be able to mix and mingle and meet someone really the best way possible, in person!).  Join whatever you can-----  book clubs, bible study, gardening club, political group, volunteer organizations, self defence class, karate, etc.  Get busy and participate in things one on one.  Then you will get to know someone on a real level that isn't based on first impressions.  they'll get to know you and start to like you over time rather than having to like you immediately to go out.  I really recommend this.

I met my husband as a friend of a friend---------  not a fix up but out at a social event (a party for the garden group of our city, a big benefit party)---  he just happened to be there as was I and our mutual friend just happened to introduce us.  We then got together as friends and found we had a lot in common and began dating.  married almost 12 years now.  

People you meet through interests you have are the best way to find a good man in my opinion.  You don't necessarily have to ask them out but being where they are and getting to know them and then They as you out is great.  

Nothing wrong with dating sites but sometimes they don't pan out and shouldn't be your only avenue.  good luck

[twinkly84]

Hello,
Thank you all very much for your comments & opinions regarding how things are for me now that I'm back into the dating world.

Recently, as I'm back on Plenty of Fish, I have had men talk to me, e-mail me & one man even phoned me. however, not one man have I yet to meet "in real life". I am sorry but, I don't ask men out nor do I approach people for a date. Call me old-fashioned but, I don't care.

Seriously speaking, these last 2 weeks, I've made some fairly large changes in my life. I got my teeth fixed (it was a small problem but, got it taken care of), been more outgoing w/people since, I'm working in other departments, being utilized around by them and have been trying to be more open with my heart too.

Bottom line, we'll see what happens on POF. I am not anticipating or expecting anything b/c I've been let-down, brokenhearted & burned before.

Thanks though, for all of your thoughts.

[alyssahann]

halooo... what i can say to you.. no matter what you size is..the only important is.. make yourself confidence.. yeah you go girl!!!! make a changes for your appearance.. go sexy! go awesome..hangouts with friends..fill your activity with full of love.. im sure there is someone will accept you.. good luck!

[specialmom]

Oh, thank you so much for the kind words. :>)!!!  

I love med help for the fact that you have all sorts of people sharing what they feel would be helpful to someone and agree that posters can take what is useful and leave the rest.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I like Your first line Londres70, as it summarizes what I do.  I'm not offering "advice" per se, as much as I'm offering my "opinion" as relates to my "perspective" - my "perspective" is based on "my own personal" experience PLUS what I may feel I have learned along the way.    What works for me may not work for others and that's fine - SO -  When I do offer my "perspective" my attitude is:  Take what You can use and leave the rest - which is what I hope the poster is doing with all these different "perspectives".  
SpecialMom too offers Her "personal perspective" but Hers is also peppered with a lot of valuable "knowledge",  All of us might do well to pay attention when She speaks.

[Londres70]

Agree or disagree, people are entitled to their own perspective on this.  

My perspective is I would want someone who is living independently.  The career women I know are living alone or with their live-in bfs or husbands and that is NOT related to any financial situation.  I just think MOST people aren't going to be drawn to someone living with someone else of the opposite sex at the AGE of 39 plus it is with someone he/she has dated in the past.  Yes, times are hard for alot of people, but this living situation will be a definite "stumbling block" in MY opinion in regards to dating for a 39 year old.  My son lives by himself and he is 23 and doesn't have any "3" degrees.  In my opinion, having "3" degrees should put you well at the top.  Plus, the poster states she is a "workaholic" and has "traveled the world."  That doesn't reek "POOR" to me or in "NEED" of any roommate.  

I was in the dating world not too long ago and yes people usually give upfront and quickly their living arrangement situations.  Come to find out some people aren't really single, but are married or have an open relationship with their live-ins.  

Divulging your living arrangement is NOT the same as giving someone you barely know your address.  This is NOT giving away your "life history."  

Again to the poster, I don't think it is necessary to put this on your profile, but I do think you should be UPFRONT if asked.