Aa
Back in the dating world again but, maybe not...
Hello,
I'm writing to ask a simple question but, I am hoping to get brutually honest answers too.
I am 39, full-figured, a workaholic, never married, no kids, college educated w/ 3 degrees.
I have travelled all over the world & am interested in many hobbies. I am average looking but, as stated, I am full-figured. I weigh 253 lbs. @ 5'4". Yes, I am fat. So, who hasn't seen a fat woman before?
Anyway, I live with a male roommate. He & I used to date from 2000-2004. However, he told me he didn't want to marry me & didn't love me. Here's the crazy part, we work & travel still together & in 2009, he & I got an apartment together & have been sharing ever since! This was his first time in 2009 until present, living in alone whereas, I have been on my own alone in apartments since I was 19!!!!! Weird or what?!
Recently, as of this Monday, I decided to give Plenty of Fish another try to find love. This was at the push of my brother & several colleagues. So, I did it.
Last night though, I was IMing a man & he asked about my status @ home. I told him I live w/my friend who is a man. He said he didn't want to go further b/c, he felt it would be too much drama. I told him I am not involved romantically, emotionally or physically with him. When I give my word, I am no liar.
So, the problem is....should I state this fact about my roommate on my profile? How would I word it to clarify that I am not involved at any portion with him in the dating sense? What should I say?
Or, should I just let it go, go w/ the flow & rely on the man's good maturity to understand that the reason I'm roomming w/him is to save $ & as stated, we work & travel together.
Please help b/c I don't want to be hurt again....
Thanks,
Twinkly84
PS: My profile has a lot of men that want to meet me & that's a good thing but, I don't want this to be a problem & have it keep coming up. Otherwise, all of my life is good & I am open for marriage/a good man.
I'm writing to ask a simple question but, I am hoping to get brutually honest answers too.
I am 39, full-figured, a workaholic, never married, no kids, college educated w/ 3 degrees.
I have travelled all over the world & am interested in many hobbies. I am average looking but, as stated, I am full-figured. I weigh 253 lbs. @ 5'4". Yes, I am fat. So, who hasn't seen a fat woman before?
Anyway, I live with a male roommate. He & I used to date from 2000-2004. However, he told me he didn't want to marry me & didn't love me. Here's the crazy part, we work & travel still together & in 2009, he & I got an apartment together & have been sharing ever since! This was his first time in 2009 until present, living in alone whereas, I have been on my own alone in apartments since I was 19!!!!! Weird or what?!
Recently, as of this Monday, I decided to give Plenty of Fish another try to find love. This was at the push of my brother & several colleagues. So, I did it.
Last night though, I was IMing a man & he asked about my status @ home. I told him I live w/my friend who is a man. He said he didn't want to go further b/c, he felt it would be too much drama. I told him I am not involved romantically, emotionally or physically with him. When I give my word, I am no liar.
So, the problem is....should I state this fact about my roommate on my profile? How would I word it to clarify that I am not involved at any portion with him in the dating sense? What should I say?
Or, should I just let it go, go w/ the flow & rely on the man's good maturity to understand that the reason I'm roomming w/him is to save $ & as stated, we work & travel together.
Please help b/c I don't want to be hurt again....
Thanks,
Twinkly84
PS: My profile has a lot of men that want to meet me & that's a good thing but, I don't want this to be a problem & have it keep coming up. Otherwise, all of my life is good & I am open for marriage/a good man.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, she describes herself as a woman of 39, a career minded, educated woman that has traveled the world. But . . . lives with an old boyfriend.
Wouldn't be a deal breaker for someone that was immediately into her but Prince Charming isn't knocking on her door just yet. Plus, she hasn't really attempted to date and has been kind of living as girlfriend minus the relationship with the guy and that in itself impedes moving on.
I agree that she probably needs to work on that inner strength but to do that, sometimes you have to get rid of your crutch.
I didn't strategize but did look at how I was living my life and if it matched what I wanted in the future. I would venture a guess that the comfort level she has with her old boyfriend, roommate of many years has kept her somewhat complacent and stalled her ability to move on for real.
Wouldn't be a deal breaker for someone that was immediately into her but Prince Charming isn't knocking on her door just yet. Plus, she hasn't really attempted to date and has been kind of living as girlfriend minus the relationship with the guy and that in itself impedes moving on.
I agree that she probably needs to work on that inner strength but to do that, sometimes you have to get rid of your crutch.
I didn't strategize but did look at how I was living my life and if it matched what I wanted in the future. I would venture a guess that the comfort level she has with her old boyfriend, roommate of many years has kept her somewhat complacent and stalled her ability to move on for real.
Ehhhhhmmmm, ok, I had trouble dating when I was younger. I just never played the game. I just wonder if treating dating as a strategy is wise. It is not like catching a fish, it is a natural process and the setup element I think can overshadow things, taint personalities and sort of compromises the honesty of the whole process - that is the chance meeting of a chemistry between two people.
Maybe twinky isn't strong and independent? She's quite well educated, works hard etc, but she lives with some dude. Ok, she's strong and independent professionally, but I would venture to guess that emotionally, she's not quite as accomplished as she is professionally.
time out - no offense her to Twinky, this is hypothetical - keep that in mind (besides she asked for brutality)
So, if this above hypothesis is correct, she may be setting up to deceive the guy.
Just be honest - it is what it is!
Maybe twinky isn't strong and independent? She's quite well educated, works hard etc, but she lives with some dude. Ok, she's strong and independent professionally, but I would venture to guess that emotionally, she's not quite as accomplished as she is professionally.
time out - no offense her to Twinky, this is hypothetical - keep that in mind (besides she asked for brutality)
So, if this above hypothesis is correct, she may be setting up to deceive the guy.
Just be honest - it is what it is!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya know, I am only called cute in reference to my looks but thanks.
True, if a guy is interested, he'll put up with a lot but if you are having trouble dating, you have to set up the right situation. I know that many men, even though I am not a man, would not see a woman as strong and independent or completely 'unattached' if she lived with an ex boyfriend.
but all opinions are valid ----- yours, mine and every cute person that posts here.
True, if a guy is interested, he'll put up with a lot but if you are having trouble dating, you have to set up the right situation. I know that many men, even though I am not a man, would not see a woman as strong and independent or completely 'unattached' if she lived with an ex boyfriend.
but all opinions are valid ----- yours, mine and every cute person that posts here.
This forum is so cool.
OK, male opinion here. You nice ladies are way over-analyzing this situation - like as in w w w w w way over analyzing. I think it is cute that you are, so, here goes...
If the guys is interested, he is interested. That's it! If the room-mate poses a problem for the guy at first date, then you can expect a really complicated pairing.
Right? Here is how we think. Deal with step one first then deal with step two next. Step one in this case is securing a date. Now if the male room mate bothers this candidate, and the guys is trying to deal with step one (getting the date) and step 2 (removing the riff-raff roommate) at the same time, then you probably have a control freak on your hands as well as a terrible organizer who can't prioritize tasks and probably bugs the crap out of everyone anyway.
What else could you expect from this candidate, critisism, critique, eventual dissapproval.
To brutal honesty!
OK, male opinion here. You nice ladies are way over-analyzing this situation - like as in w w w w w way over analyzing. I think it is cute that you are, so, here goes...
If the guys is interested, he is interested. That's it! If the room-mate poses a problem for the guy at first date, then you can expect a really complicated pairing.
Right? Here is how we think. Deal with step one first then deal with step two next. Step one in this case is securing a date. Now if the male room mate bothers this candidate, and the guys is trying to deal with step one (getting the date) and step 2 (removing the riff-raff roommate) at the same time, then you probably have a control freak on your hands as well as a terrible organizer who can't prioritize tasks and probably bugs the crap out of everyone anyway.
What else could you expect from this candidate, critisism, critique, eventual dissapproval.
To brutal honesty!
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