Back in the dating world again but, maybe not...

[twinkly84]

Hello,
I'm writing to ask a simple question but, I am hoping to get brutually honest answers too.
I am 39, full-figured, a workaholic, never married, no kids, college educated w/ 3 degrees.
I have travelled all over the world & am interested in many hobbies. I am average looking but, as stated, I am full-figured. I weigh 253 lbs. @ 5'4". Yes, I am fat. So, who hasn't seen a fat woman before?

Anyway, I live with a male roommate. He & I used to date from 2000-2004. However, he told me he didn't want to marry me & didn't love me. Here's the crazy part, we work & travel still together & in 2009, he & I got an apartment together & have been sharing ever since! This was his first time in 2009 until present, living in alone whereas, I have been on my own alone in apartments since I was 19!!!!! Weird or what?!

Recently, as of this Monday, I decided to give Plenty of Fish another try to find love. This was at the push of my brother & several colleagues. So, I did it.

Last night though, I was IMing a man & he asked about my status @ home. I told him I live w/my friend who is a man. He said he didn't want to go further b/c, he felt it would be too much drama. I told him I am not involved romantically, emotionally or physically with him. When I give my word, I am no liar.

So, the problem is....should I state this fact about my roommate on my profile? How would I word it to clarify that I am not involved at any portion with him in the dating sense? What should I say?

Or, should I just let it go, go w/ the flow & rely on the man's good maturity to understand that the reason I'm roomming w/him is to save $ & as stated, we work & travel together.

Please help b/c I don't want to be hurt again....

Thanks,
Twinkly84

PS: My profile has a lot of men that want to meet me & that's a good thing but, I don't want this to be a problem & have it keep coming up. Otherwise, all of my life is good & I am open for marriage/a good man.

[specialmom]

She describes herself as a successful career woman.  

But frankly shell, I am allowed to have my opinion and that is encouraged here---  different opinions.  She is getting from me the perspective of SOME people she might date and she is getting from you a different perspective.  

We don't have to be right or wrong to give the poster something else to think about.  

I don't think two people (you and I) have to feel the same way about something.  

So got it, you'd have a roommate and would prefer it to be male and would be miffed if anyone who is going through a dating site to find a mate found that to be something they didn't care for.  Got it.  We'd probably not pick the same people on the dating site-----  not a bit deal.  Hopefully there are enough different types to go around.

But, I was giving advice to the poster that I felt would be helpful to her.  Sorry you don't agree but my advice stands.

[shell921]

Oh come on people in these hard economic times it's fine to have a roommate at age 39. If i was a single 39 year old woman I'd feel safer with a male roommate than a female one. IF asked about her living situation by a man she's on a first or 2nd date with all she needs to say is she has a roommate. If a man get to know her and wants to continue seeing her, then of course she should be upfront. I'm older and married many years but I have young nieces and young people today often go on a few dates with a person and nothing ever comes of it. You don't reveal your whole entire life history to someone on a first or 2nd date. It's just nonsense to do that. The person may not stick around.

[Londres70]

No, you're not picky Specialmom, I agree 100% with what you have said.  Independence speaks volumes.  

If a man told me he lived with his ex gf for several years and was 39 years old I would be running for the hills; there is NOTHING attractive about that situation. It is just as bad as some guy living with "mom" at age 39.  It is just too weird for me to digest.  

Hey, someone might accept this.  No need to put it out there on your profile, but if asked you need to be upfront with the man.  

[specialmom]

Ha.  It is okay to disagree with me.  

I think she has used her 'roommate' as a crutch by doing things with him that she'd like to do with a boyfriend/partner.  

And at 39, having a male roommate would be a turn off to a lot of potential dating folks.

Maybe I'm ultra picky.  I expected a man to own his own home, be self sufficient and would have been less interested in them if they still needed a roommate.  

In this case, if she 'just' had a roommate, that would be one thing.  But . . . she is having trouble meeting people.  I think living with a guy she dated and has been platonic companions with for many years will not be a great selling point for her dating life.  

[shell921]

I finally disagree with specialmom. I think if a man is so insecure about you having a male roommate you shouldn't be bothered with him. Plenty of people in their 20's & 30's have opposite sex roommates now a days.

[specialmom]

Okay, don't hate me------  but I think you should not be living with your friend.  He's become your companion of sorts and this has hindered you from being fully available (whether you really see that yet or not).  And now he hinders you in the dating world.

To tell you the truth--------  as a womanb that got married in my 30's (not much younger than you), a career woman, etc.--------  it would be a turn off to me that a man had a roommate let alone a roommate of the opposite sex.  I'm independent.  I want an independent man.  That is just me----  but if you are wanting to date people of your same age----  you'll meet a lot of professionals that might feel the same way.  

And it can be intimidating to have someone of the opposite sex as your roommate.  Awkward even.  AND, many would possibly not love that you two used to date.

So, I wouldn't put it on your profile and I'd try to find your own place.

Best advice I can give as a former single professional who met my now husband in my 30's.  good luck