I think I didn't make myself clear, my fault. There are 2 arrests. One is for failure to appear for a traffic ticket which won't be dropped till she goes back in and shows her license and proof of insurance. Another is a felony drug arrest which she hasn't been charged for yet, the cop was waiting to decide how things were going to go. So once the traffic thing is cleared up there will be nothing left because the drug arrest will never be filed since she's in detox now. :-) She's been in detox 4 days and will probably be there another 2-3 since she's in such bad shape, physically and emotionally. After that, she will be transferred to rehab for at least a month, hopefully more.
Hi Jane ... I am so sorry for all you're going through. I know how it feels - kind of like being stuck on a roller coaster that you can't get off of :-(
I thought you said your daughter was arrested for failure to appear in court. If that's correct, then a bench warrant would have been signed by a judge and a cop can't have that dropped. Also, how can a cop give permission for someone to leave the state? Something just doesn't add up! Maybe I'm not understanding what you said?
I hope you've been able to get in touch with your daughter and that she's okay.
I'm still praying for you!
Update :-/ Her "bad" boyfriend, the new one who supposedly was controlling her and abusing her called me this weekend. He said he loves her and she's using again. He says she disappears for days at a time and turns her phone off. She told me HE was taking her phone and turning it off. I don't trust him but I don't trust her either. My gut told me she was using again so that's what I'm going to believe. The rest, whatever.
Last night I called the officer that arrested her. It took a lot to get up the courage to do that because she had me scared he was going to get information out of me and use it against her. I told him she needs rehab and asked if there's any reason she can't be checked in if she agrees and he said if she did go to inpatient rehab he would drop the charges against her. He even told me that if she came back to the east coast at least temporarily it would be even better for her recovery. I knew that but until he offered to drop the charges she wasn't allowed to leave the state. This man can be really tough, I can tell, but he also has a heart. I'm hoping this choice she has to make is the right one because if she refuses rehab or leaves before she gets cleaned up, there will be hell to pay I'm sure.
I haven't been able to get her on the phone all weekend, according to the guy who called she's been out partying and not answering the phone. Today if/when she shows up for work I am going to try to contact her again.
Please pray for us, this is coming to a head and although I've calmed down a bit during the last couple weeks, the tears and nervousness are back. I'm taking a deep breath but feel like there's a dark cloud over us...
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so terrible for a child to become addicted and suffer and take on all the lifestyle (arrests) that come with it. One place I am encouraged by for tx is the Summer House in Florida (close to Miami). I have considered it. And, I like Dr. Rick Sponagle at Florida Detox and Wellness, They would be very interesting to talk to about next steps, and about the benefits of their programs. Dr. Sponagle has a webinar for free on Tues. nights, where he discussed addiction. I want to talk to you about the options.
And I wanted to make sure you know that there are AlAnon meetings by phone. I strongly suggest getting into Al-Anon--and you can really get supported through this way. Google Al-Anon and phone meetings, and there is a monthly schedule you will see. I know about a lot of meetings for other problems. Just let me know how I can help. I am gong to private message you too.
i know it was hard, but you did the right thing by not bailing her out.
do not lose hope. i believe that each and every one of these tickets,arrests,drug charges,warrants are all stepping stones to her demise. they weave themselves a web that they need to untangle.
hopefully when she does go to court they will suggest an inpatient program.
right now she is uncapable of using her brain.at all.
they continue to ignore the realitys of their consequences until they are forced into a corner.
i am dealing with the same things with my daughter. right now she has so many e-z pass violations i could wallpaper a room with them. she has no insurance and didnt pay her surcharge. so her license and her registration are both going to be suspended very soon. there will be a warrant for her arrest. i am praying that GOD will turn up the heat on her so she has to come to terms with the reality of her life.
i am praying for you and your daughter.
are you attending alanon? it has helped me tremendously. i am able to step back now and let the chips fall as they may.
hugs and hope,
Hi-listen all good advice given here. Regarding her job, due to the hepa laws(spellcheck that?)you do NOT have to give any info as to why she needs a leave except to request a MEDICAL LEAVE w/ a dr.s note who will properly format the letter. That is a LAW. I wish you both the best and please believe me, you are not alone as many of us are here for a reason and yours in not unique in that you should not be ashamed. Especially in this day and age w/this stuff flooding the streets. It's certainly not by accident that our kids got their hands on it. I won't even get into that. They blame all on dr.s giving scripts etc..but there's heroin that took my son down for years and I got SICK literally and now I am changed. He is thankfully recovered after being jailed, rehabed, jailed again, which is a damn shame b/c ppl need HELP NOT JAIL! You just be there and don't overlook a thing b/c i was fooled for so long having that trust in my son that was a given as the boy he was. Operative word "was"-then turned into teen of whom I did not know anything about. I was stuck on the son "I" raised. Big difference, hence DENIAL on my part. You will be fine and you're a good mom for being proactive! Good luck!!!
I am sorry about your daughter. Shes sounds alot like I was. I am 25 and was addicted to heroin for years. I had been through just about everything and went to numerous rehabs to get clean. I want you to know that suboxone should not be looked at the same as just any opiate. Suboxone could very well save your daughters life. It is a replacement therapy yes..and it is an partial opiate agonist but it is still far different then heroin. Suboxone is used to help keep her from experiencing the terrible wds of heroin while she is able to figure out her life and put the peices back together. For most, including myself quititng cold turkey whether in a rehab setting or not is bound for failure. The addict never has time to figure out what was the cause of there use and make changes. This is why I do not see a use in most 30 day programs They are far too short. A addict that is deep within their addiction is not going to turn it around unless they take all the necessary steps. Is she being drug tested while on the suboxone? Have you considered doing an intensive outpatient program while using the suboxone. im talking like a m-f full day of class program and weekly drug tests. I do not know much about your daughter but from what I hear she is really struggling as most of us did. I must also thank you for being like my mom. I am thanking you for her because although she may not tell you she REALLY appreciates it. U have no idea. It means the world to an addict to have someone that cares. I was lucky to have a mother just like you that really cared. Dont give up on her I know u could scream and rip your hair out. There is an end to this madness trust me. I am 39 days clean today and I am a new person. I would talk to your daughter if you wanted and I know what shes going through. I wish you the best of luck and i will pray for u and her.
Well, looks like the rehab will have to wait a little while longer...again. She was arrested again. First time on drug charges and its still not over with that, now she failed to appear at court for a very minor traffic ticket. WTF this girl isn't using her brain AT ALL. This time, no drugs on her or in the car, thank God because she's on suboxone. Every time she gets close to getting help, she sabotages herself like this. I'm so sick of the ups and downs I feel like throwing up. I have to remind myself, suboxone is still an opiate and her brain is still on drugs until rehab... ugh...
First the endless research on heroin, addiction, rehab, etc., etc., and now I'm looking up how to navigate the legal system, bail bondsmen, etc., etc. It would be nice to never have to know these things... We did not bail her out, she pawned her phone and used a bail bondsman. Ugh I'm so disgusted.
Sorry about venting, I'm just really frustrated and I know you all will understand. :-/
Whoa..Has it been 21 days?! How was it??
Hi jane. Rehabs are different place to place. My husband is in a 21 day program. Then he can continue out patient for as long as he needs. As well as me. I have been following your story. Since my return from rehab. But anyways... Most rehabs have sources for sober living facilities as after care. It depends on the treatment plan. Also the rehab fac. Should offer you treatment as well. My place does. My kids are going to go.starting next month. Yeah for them only gawd only knows what they may share with their groups about their addicted parents. This is a shameful disease. I am so proud shes willing to go. I wanted to stay longer but my rehab place couldnt adress my medical issues. My husband likes it there. And now we have aftercare that includes manditory drug screens. Or at least my treatment plan does. I wish you so much sucess. I will pray for your daughter. Im glad shes willing to get help. Most places you talk to will give you info. And as far as work is concerned. Or at least my employer doesnt really know. This is a medical condition. And its looked at so differently now. I made it worse in my head. Thats addiction talking. Now i know better. I will be happy to share my experience even though it was short. Praying for you.... Bama
there are also faith based rehab. programs which are longer in length. some can be up to 18 months long.
is she still considering going to rehab??
the stay of the patient is usually determined by the length of the program and /or the needs of the patient. i have never heard of them asking someone how long they want to stay.
many programs are only 30 days. when they leave they can continue in an outpatient program .intensive outpatient programs which usually meets 3 or 4x a week. most have morning and evening sessions, so it can accomodate those getting back to work,school, their lives.if not most times they also do urine tests.
if not an outpatient program than at the very least na/aa,counseling, a faith based support group,there are non 12 step programs also. smart recovery ,biofeed back or cognitive behavior therapy.
here is the link for fmla.
this site defines serious medical conditions.
in order to be eligible she has to have been employed there for 12 months.
i believe at this point first and foremost she should be concerned with her recovery.
hugs and continued prayers