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Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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Avatar universal

Feeling so lost and angry and joyless since my husband went to rehab

Someone please help me. My husband of 5 years is currently in a 30 day rehab across the country. I encouraged him to go since his addiction to pain meds has bankrupted us. I too was taking pills and we did them together. I stopped cold turkey and it's been 11 days since I stopped and since he's been gone. I'm so afraid when he returns I will lose him to meetings and a new way of life without me. Right now everything is about him and I'm so resentful that I'm left here all alone with no one to talk to, a stressful career, my son,  2 months behind on bills and dealing with all of his legal issues. I feel punished when I should be happy he is getting sober. I just cry and cry and cry. I don't know what to do. He was my best and only friend. Feel like I'm hanging on by a thread but the hopelessness just keeps washing over me. I know I'm selfish. I want to be happy. I just can't control my emotions. Somebody out there please help me.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Sseig,
First of all, everything that you are feeling is absolutely understandable. As I read your recap of your past several weeks above, it is no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and distressed.
Let's take first things first. You must be a very strong person to be holding it together given the current circumstances. You detoxed off Oxy cold turkey 11 days ago.  Congratulations and a huge "atta girl!!" for being clean for 11 days under very difficult circumstances.
Next: You were able to convince your husband to go to rehab to reclaim his sobriety. You are amazing for rallying the both of you to simultaneously clean up your lives for the sake of your life and your family. You are truly a blessing to your husband.
Next: You have been clean for 11 days. I am not an addict but my son is and I know this (and others who have walked in your shoes will come on here and confirm it): Your emotions are still very raw right now. Just reading your story makes me know how strong you would have to be to turn your situation around the way you are doing so now. Your body and mind will require more time to adjust emotionally to your new and better life...but you will do it and you will never look back.
I am sure you are worried about your husband and how the relationship will adjust in a "clean" environment. Don't let your mind take you there. Focus on one day at a time. Sometimes we have to focus on one hour at a time. Whatever gets you through, don't project too far out.
You can't control another person, only yourself. You have a child and a monumental task of staying clean for the both of you.That is Job #1.
Your husband is in good care of professionals so his new reality will unfold over time. Trust that if you were able to convince him to do this, he must love and trust you to take such a huge step.
We are here for you. There are some awesome regulars on this site who help me get through some really bad days. We are here 24/7 for you.
I don't know where you live but it is summer almost everywhere right now. Go out on the porch or the deck with a cold iced tea and think about how far you have come from 2 weeks ago. A step at a time. You are doing this for your child and you can make it another day and another day after that. We are with you.
  
Avatar universal
Sseig,
I wanted to address your emotional distress a little more as I don't think I gave you the support you deserve on this issue.
We have all cried buckets and buckets during our journeys. We cry because the journey is hard and sad and painful. In addition to all of that, your body is adjusting to a tremendous jolt of reality. It is "waking up" in so many ways from being anesthetized with a powerful drug. If I were you, I would be more worried if I weren't crying. I know you feel overwhelmingly sad but those are your emotions waking up and trying to understand your new (and better) sober life. Please don't think your days will be this hard for long. Every day your brain heals a tiny bit more. Please give your body this gift of time to heal. Don't get discouraged and throw in the towel. As I said, we are here. This forum has walked me through some very dark days and it still is the place I come to find some peace.
Read others' stories and the support given by other members. I always sleep easier and feel calmer when I come on and read other posts. I hope you will do the same.
    
1530493 tn?1410056636
Hi sseig
first thing I want to say, is what your feeling now will pass...hang in there !!
Please don't try to do it alone, support is so important when feeling as you do.
A great post from strongerone to you, very hard to add to it.  She's a great lady that was in your shoes not long ago. ..she's finding strength, you will too.
you have a double whammy going on right now...very raw emotions .
Not only because of your husband, and feeling like your best friend has been removed when you need him the most, but you stopped cold turkey
I want to congratulate you on that,  that's something to be very proud of, that alone will flip your emotions on end.
while I know your not feeling it now....you have MAJOR positive going on all around you !!!
Try to push the negative away and focus on what is to come.  Bills can wait, what your husband is doing is bettering both of your lives.  
He won't leave you,  he's doing this to keep you.
Put your fears aside the best you can right now...we're here for you
3060903 tn?1398565123
Both of you quit doing the pills, one of you got to go to treatment. Your husband can tell you what it is like to go to Treatment. He can inform you of everything that you need to know, to enjoy your own sobriety. You say that he's going to go to meetings, Why would you both not go? You had the same problem as him. You need to start thinking in terms of this new clean and sober life including you, not excluding you. Is there any way that you could at least have a one on one conversation with an Addictions Therapist yourself. I know in Treatment that his Addictions Therapist would be available for you too. In fact, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that if you were able to contact his Addictions Therapist by email, that they could have you feel inclusion rather than exclusion , You and your husband can work on your sobriety together. The new clean life will be a blessing to you too. The meetings that he's going to be going to, you need to go to as well. An Addictions Therapist near to you, and in your corner will have you feeling so much differently than when you wrote posted this question, I guarantee it. (Notice i said when you posted this question, and not NOW. Because no as you read this, you've already talked to a few people and by taking about it you will change how you feel). Trust a professional to help you as well. IF you can't afford a Rehab Professional of your own, often your local Church will be able to help.. If not, there's plenty of recovering addicts here, (like myself) that can help point you in the right direction.

NO FEAR. While he's away, do what he's doing for himself, and get yourself to a local women's NA meeting, get a sponsor, and talk about your own sobriety. That's what you need to be concentrating and working on. If he get's sober, and you don't , you're marriage or his sobriety is probably finished, (for now, because Rehab has a way of ruining your high from that point forward).

Take action. We're here for you. This lifeline can be as strong as his in Rehab. Most of us have been to Rehab. You can live vicariously through us to give you what you need to stay clean and sober.

Liz
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