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How do I learn to trust my daughter again?

My daughter started using drugs when she was 14, after she went to live with her father.  I never knew about her drug history until she was calling me from jail, asking for bail money! She is now in her 30s, with several arrests,had children which she couldn't keep, and after being drug free for over 2 years, we found out she has been using again.  Although she has gotten into treatment again, my question is: How do I trust her again? I want to believe that she can regain control of her life through counseling, but isn't attending meetings on a regular basis, crucial for staying clean ? She is of an age where I can't monitor her life...she doesn't live with me.   What can I do to show her support without being fooled again?    
5 Responses
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi and welcome. Sorry what your going through and is such a tragic waste of lifes precious time. Those with severe addictions can have a life long struggle ahead of them and can be very trickey in ways of acquiring more drugs. You know her better than us and should be able to tell when your being fooled or not. Just go with your motherly intuition when issues come up.  
Avatar universal
     First of all thank you for your input...I'm wondering how many mothers like myself, navigate through having a relationship with their child,whether they are young or older?  I still have a relationship with my grandchildren & pray they will not follow her path.  My son is also an addict and we have not been able to have any kind of relationship with him, because of the lies & stealing from us.  I'm praying for them and taking it one day at a time.
1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
hello and welcome. once trust is broken it can take a very long time for it to be repaired. my husband is a recovering addict, he has been clean for 3 years after a decade of relapses. I know the uncertainty you are facing.
I have taken it very slow. we are afraid to get hurt again, how much can we endure from their addictions? my son is a recovering addict and has been clean for 4 years, he doesn't live here, but I have a very close relationship with him. my daughter, who is 21 has been in a Christian rehab for 7 months. I know the lies, deceit, hurts, stealing, anger, sadness, trust issues, dysfunction..........on and on that living with and loving an addict brings. have you been to alanon?
she has to be very active in her recovery, not going to meetings isn't in her favor. my husband and my daughter never went to na or aa but have gotten extremely involved in church and the bible. the LORD is able to deliver them from addiction, I have seen in not only in them but in many others. protect yourself, just take it one day at a time. pray for the best and I hope she finds her way.
there is always hope.....
keep the faith.....
sending prayers, peace, hope, support and encouragement,
debbie
Avatar universal
     Thank you for sharing!  I too, have been turning to the Lord, praying my children will find new friends and find their life through Him.  I can't help but applaud your ability to remain positive, yet cautious, with all that you have experienced...Good for You!  God Bless, Kathleen
Avatar universal
It's all well and good to have faith but god gave you the power to act on your own free will. Do not rely on god to help your situation, me made you in his image so you can deal with your own s***. Recovery has to do with faith but not necessarily in god. I am not a Christian but I applaud those with any type of devotion. What I do not applaud is sitting back hoping god will give you the answers or solve your problem. That's your responsibility,not gods. Go to Al-anon. As a recovering addict, I am questioned almost every day by the people around me. I so not take offense, I deserve it. I lied and stole for years, why would I suddenly regain their trust? You have to practice humility as a recovering addict and accept that you f***** up bad and deserve to not be trusted. They reach you that in rehab, IF you are paying attention. I don't go to meetings. I don't have a sponsor, well I did but she started using again after 5.5 years. Trust is earned, it's a reward. Don't give it out too easily. It's ok to be hurt. It's ok to be mad. It's ok to not trust, you didn't choose their path, they did. You will know when the time comes, just don't rush it, let us happen.
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