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Avatar universal

My Husband is an addict

Here's my story.... I met my Husband 10 years ago, married for 2. We have 2 children (9,3). We are all very comfortable, having my husband doing well in his career and fully supporting us financially, I can even be s stay at home Mum & still has my husband's support to take some private study. Sounds great hey? That's what everyone thinks.

However, my husband is regularly taking cocaine & drinks a huge amount of vodka mixed with red bull, unless he's ran out then anything will do. Now, the behaviour which comes with this is unbearable. I don't have a relationship so to speak of with my husband right now. He goes up and down & we're currently going through the 'down'. He is distant, I never know whether he's coming home from work or if he does what time he will be here or what sort of mood he will be in. He will quite happy disappear for a couple of days only for me to have a chirpy phone call where he's making jokes and tells me to calm down. He often blames me for his actions saying if when he got home everything was happy, and all good he wouldn't feel like staying out. Mainly his drug use if down to stress at work, and he sees it as having a pint.  He frequently 'disappears' although I call he ignores me, while he's out scoring his latest 'fix'. He struggles to get out of bed every morning & shows little respect for the state of the house. I literally do everything for the raising our family, looking after the house, sorting our the money & processing his accounts for his company. If I dare say anything to him, he bites my head off. He's become more and more aggressive when he speaks to me (although never physically). We have had some huge fights over the years & it's often me who loses it.

This whole thing goes in cycles, and I'm exhausted from it. As it gets really bad, he'll make a change, stop for a week or 2 then it will slowly build back up again. Then he says he needs help, I should help him & he knows he needs to change. Never does he say he's sorry for the things he put me through.

I am so tired. I'm tired of feeling lonely, like his parent, looking out for clues, being suspicious, feeling like a total mug, putting up the front for the kids and yet I feel like out life we have (minus the drug taking husband) isn't worth distorting & I should really be strong enough to keep this all going for the sake of our family. I love my kids more than anything, and I will not destroy their lives because of something my husband is doing.

And yet.... I am so desperately unhappy I feel like running away, like kicking him out, like ending it all.  
6 Responses
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Thats a good question and you should post this
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why is it the addict get to express what's going on inside and the spouse has to pretend all is well.
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Good for you! Taking control is better then sdanding by and only watching.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh and also just to mention, during the last big episode he went make an appointment with a drugs counsellor (I was so proud & full of promise although remaining reserved) of course, that was that and he never did follow anything through. But hey he'd managed to wriggle back into his comfy life again in the meantime!

Enough is enough, I don't even know him now. It's the devastating effect on the children I'm most fearful of.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Life360, thanks for responding. Today I collected the kids from school, drove 80 miles to his workplace & handed him a suitcase! I told him not yo contemplate coming near the house for the next week.

I drove 80 miles back home & felt shakey but free!

I had a lovely bath, chilled out with my kids & enjoyed my space. The first time in a long time my thoughts haven't been wondering if/when or what state he'll be coming back in.

I have no idea what my next move is yet though!
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi, people are creatures of habit and i think more for men when it comes to bad habits. If what your doing is not getting the change that your looking for, you need to try a different approach.
But the only approach that might work at this point is suggesting councling or a more drastic measure is to ask for a temporay separation.
Helpful - 0

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