I apologize ahead of time about my long post but I need a place to spill it out. I'm a single mother of two and have been divorced for years. I started dating early last year and thought I had met a flawed but wonderful man. He was down to earth, loving, hard working, kind, wonderful lover and never criticized. Very skilled at all types of jobs and helpful around the house.
The first signs something was wrong is that he never had money even though he worked a steady 40 hours every week. He didn't even own a wallet. He lived his life like a poor person but just said he liked living humbly. His car broke down and I even signed to help him get a used one. He was grateful and I was in love.
After 6 months, I started to notice a pattern that he would be unavailable the days after getting paid. One night I smelled weed in his place and I questioned him and he denied using that drug. I knew there was drug use going on.
Months later and lots of suspicious disappearances I was informed by his ex wife that, "no honey, he doesn't smoke weed, he smokes crack". The floor went out from under me. I was never raised around drugs or people who used them and didn't see the physical signs. I tried to end things more for the lies than for the drug use. I know that he wasn't sleeping around because that's not his MO. But his life revolves around this drug and his "friends" who deal them.
In the last four months, we've been on and off many times. He says he wants help but doesn't move definitely in that direction. He lost his job last month and has been taking small jobs but is smoking whatever he makes every night now. He put himself on a waiting list for rehab but don't know if it will even help since his whole environment gives him easy access to crack.
I know I've enabled him a lot because I was giving him money whenever he asked because I didn't know. But then I go and get him a phone so he can do deliveries for work. Yet all I see that his calls after work are to his dealer friends. And of course he hasn't paid the car in months.
I'm getting so tired of worrying about him because I love him like no one else. I want to leave him and just dedicate my life to my kids, school and work again but that's so difficult. I feel if I leave him he will never get help and will let his life get even worse since he's so sensitive to depression. His family is just as much of a mess and I believe that his mother also uses and he lives there. I feel guilt leaving him alone in his situation.
I really dream of having a normal life with this man. But am I just fooling myself? I don't know if there's anything I can do?
I wanted to add that he's been wonderful and loving with my mother and kids. Thats what makes it even harder. I've never let anyone into my life this way. And my mother, who is so hard to please, has a soft spot for him too. Her stepfather was an addict but he was also kind and loving. She has hope for him but I also haven't told her his drug of choice.