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3112653 tn?1351622081

need advice guys bad....help

ok guys I need advice bad, my daughter and me went on our walk today I'm trying to do that everyday with her I try everyday to do something special with my son and daughter that only mommy does with em. anyways that is here nor there. on our walk my daughter started asking me questions like mom was detox really that bad, and is it hard for you to stay off the pills even thou I have been honest with my family about my addiction I dont always go into full details about what I go through with my kids I sheltered them from alot of it. there kids they dont need to know exactly what happens. well I answered here questions honestly then asked why she asked. and she told me her bf uncle is highly hooked on shooting something in his arm that was her exact words but her boyfriend wasnt sure what he was using and sense I just went through getting off pills she needed to know why I could stop and her boyfriends uncle cant. and could I help him cause the withdrawals were so bad for him that he only makes it to day three and is back using. I told her I would help with what I could but diddnt know enough to pull him completely through plus I'm a newbee myself I only have 23 days and I'm nowhere near ready to fly solo. but I feel obligated to help him and my daughters bf. I did tell her that the battle cant be won until he is sure this is what he really wants alot of the battle is having the desire to really quit and mean it. cause without being a 100 percent on board it will never work. plus he had to get away from anything that had anything to do with his addiction. cut all ties to the drug world and whoever is in it. help me out guys I told shy about this site and have his uncle check it out and try posting and I would do all I can. I cant turn my back on fello addict in need. what do I do
10 Responses
3060903 tn?1398565123
You did right. You could ask if you could visit, with only the words of advice you do have. I don't know if he's a parent, but perhaps you could help. You are 12 stepping it huh? Good for you, if just goes to show you how much you've accomplished.  STEP 12 HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS A RESULT OF THESE STEPS WE TRY TO CARRY THE MESSAGE OF ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS AND PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS". and now, you're carrying the message, as it should be. Perhaps even ask if he would like to go to a meeting with you. Maybe his nephew could take him to meetings so he can learn to reach out for help. Addiction is a family disease and it helps alot to have family concerned enough to do something with the addict, like bring them to a meeting. God Bless you for caring. Best wishes in your long term recovery.
2083449 tn?1381354708
I think you did a great job! You answered as thoroughly and honestly as you could! I love the fact that your daughter felt comfortable enough to come to you and ask questions like that! You must be so very proud of her, and it's a tribute to you and how well you have raised her! How old is she, if I may ask? I will tell you I would have never felt like I could have asked my mother questions like that! I can't think of a thing I would have changed or done differently!  Awesome! Great post!
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You can point him in the right direction but the rest is up to him.  I hope he will reach out and get the help he needs.  You continue to take care of you.  I am very impressed with the great relationship you have with your kids.  They will always be thankful they have a mom they can turn too...another good reason to stay clean~~~
Avatar universal
Stay out of it.

He doesn't know you, you're his nephews girlfriends mother and shouldn't even know intimate details about his drug habits and him shooting dope. He might even think you're a narc and shoot you..

Once you're out of sight the first thing he will do is go off on his nephew, who will then go off on your daughter and you will have opened a can of worms you won't be able to shut.

He's a junkie and shoots dope. You're a housewife with 23 days clean from a Hydrocodone habit whose only real knowledge of drug addiction comes from this board.. More likely than not his drug history and knowledge of drugs and addiction far outweighs yours to begin with and he doesn't need yo telling him how to get clean.

I'm trying to do you a favor here...
3060903 tn?1398565123
Hey Solos170, hope this day finds you well. If your daughter and this addict's nephew have become close, then I believe that he is reaching out to family and extended family. I was a IV drug user for years and also know this kind of addiction, most times a junkie is what you see is what you get, in other words, they are not automatically violent because they shoot dope. If he's opened up to your daughter I doubt he would think of you as any different then your daughter, I come from Vancouver where the junkies are out in the open on streets, accepting blankets and food. They are only dangerous to themselves. Although you cant' put them in the position to steal from you.But the point is , and erring on the side of caution, Why not supply an Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book or the Narcotic Anonymous' equivalent. If you all can afford to pitch in, that is  Having an addict receive visitors is important , hands on is important, but receiving your first big book, or another one since you've lost one or two, is the best thing you can do to help. I think a gift of this sort from the nephew is sending the right message - that there are people that care about him today. Best of luck Solost170. God Bless. Hugs Liz





3060903 tn?1398565123
That being said, these kids have to be very careful not to get caught in the crossfire, so to speak, is this person safely acquiring his dope? Is it safe enough to have anybody around? And should they be around at all, (other than to drop off the book) Perhaps it's time for a loving intervention and leave the book as a token of love. I too am always happy to hear a mother that has groomed their children to come home and be able to talk about anything. Good Job Mom. The question of the day, is it safe for the kids to be around , if they are around him that is? Best of Luck.
3112653 tn?1351622081
thank you so much that means so much to me, I try to be a very good mom my kids are my everything and there is nothing that they cant come and talk to me about we hold no secrets in this house. my daughter is only around him when there are lots of family around never alone and never unsupervised but she was being honest about what mom was going through and I guess he was listening and asked questions. and she said I will ask my mom she will help if she can. his uncle is lost right now and he is a parent as well and is tired of the drug lifestyle as we all end up getting there some guicker than others. And I'm smarter than to ever put my sobierty in jeopardy or my children, I know my limitations on this. but i will steer him in the right directions and hope for the best and be a friend and I think i will check into the book thing. love and light guys...
3112653 tn?1351622081
I'm very proud of my daughter she is an amazing kid, she is sixteen she will be seventeen in november and she is something else she is def my kid, I see myself in her at that age loving kind always trying to help someone out if she can. I would give my whole life for my kids they are alot of the reason why I got off the drugs and stay off them. they deserve a mom who will be there for them the mom the had before the drugs. and i will bust my hump to make sure they get that I could never bear the thought of relapsing and having to tell I screwed up its just not an option for me. when I gave birth to them I made a promise to both of them that I would do all I could to give them a good life and to teach them all they needed to know, I lost sight of that for a lil while but I'm on track now and will not falter. for the love of mom is stronger than the addiction thank you all for you kind words, I hold my sobierty dear to my heart but my kids even dearer so to have you compliment me on my mommy skills made my day I shall be grinning from ear to ear today god bless you all
2083449 tn?1381354708
Awwwww! I would have given anything to have grown up with a mom like you! Yes, you stumbled! We all do! The point is, you got up, dusted off, and moved forward! That, is the lessen you teach! My mother never really wanted to be a mother! She was very selfish and put herself before her children! I say this and also say that my mother and I are very close now! But when I was young it was a different story! I've grown up and gotten over it and have forgiven her, even though she didn't ask for it!

The point is you should be proud of your daughter and of yourself as a mother! Well done! Take care!
3060903 tn?1398565123
I am so glad to hear that your daughter and you have enough love in your heat to reach out to another , regardless of what the drug of choice is, I assumed that you had it all together and your kids would not be in harms way. Drug of choice and past performance has nothing to do with a current need of people caring for you, does it? It doesn't matter what a person;s drug of choice is or when they bottom out, it's just good to know that there are good people out there when they do.  I'm an X IV drug user. It's so nice to think that people are not assuming things when it comes to our drug addiction, like we are some animal in a cage to be scared of.   Thanks for anything that you do to 12 step this uncle. He obviously needs your help to point him in the right direction. I'm sure that your kid's are so proud of their Gratefully Recovering Mother, and they have every reason to be. God Bless your family and your extended family!!! Keep up the good work you 12 stepper you~





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