wife left/worried

[finsfan4ever]

Not sure its a question but here goes....
I came to this web site three years ago with a terrible hydrocodone addiction, and after 12 long days of withdrawls, and working hard at it, I am 3 years clean. I have been happily married for twenty years (last month), and I did say happily!
I came home from work yesterday, and she was gone. All of her stuff and about $90,000 from our savings account.
I am devistated. We never argued, fought, nothing. We had made love the night before, and discussed vacation plans in the hot tub that morning. Now shes gone! Turned off her phone and just gone.....
I am concerned about my sobriety. Went to a meeting this morning, and I think it helped.
I'm not sure if I just want to know "why", or if something else is going on....
Everyone here has always had my back, and I credit them every day for saving my life 3 years ago.....
Please help me..................

[rush2112]

This is brutal, man...i'm so sorry you are experiencing this.  It is so hard when you have so many questions and can't get a single answer...

the only advice i can give is a simple cliche...time heals all wounds...and you will heal with time.

[selfinduced]

Oh Fin, So sorry to hear this. I do remember how cohesive you and your wife were and what a great support system you had with your family during your detox. Just don't make any rash decisions now. Your wife does appear to mean business as this sounds like a well thought out plan. If she truly want's out there is little you can do to change her mind right now. Have you ask your daughter's if they had a head's up and if they will share? Right now just protect yourself and stay busy. Keep those meetings up and get into a councilor to hold your hand in the weeks to come. You never know, your wife may have regrets and return. About your sobriety……you know now is not the time to fall off the rails. You'll need all your wit's and emotions in check to navigate your way out of this. Sending you strength and patience today.

[clean_in_ks]

Well Finsfan....I don't even know you and my heart is breaking for you~

I mean when I read this my mouth was hanging open...do people (wives...women....people) really DO this??  It's beyond me, it just is.

I hope you will keep posting and talking to us.  WE will be your friends and family....and as you are able to share at your meetings.....you will find those that will "come alongside" and also support you and be your friends with "skin on".
Using would probably be what I would think of FIRST, too.....but you and I both know it won't change a single thing.  Not a SINGLE thing except throw away your hard earned sobriety.

You have done what you can do for today.....it's the weekend....and meetings are the place to hang your hat for some comfort.  Getting an attorney doesn't necessarily mean you have to take any ACTION right now....just get some much needed counsel.  I wouldn't be thinking too clearly myself....I'd be an emotional mess.  
So glad you reached out and posted....you obviously have some friends here that went thru detox and early recovery with you.....and now more of us can be here for you, too.  I am so sorry you have to hurt like this.....and hope answers will come~

[lulu747]

Awe Fin.  This is so rough, I can't even imagine.  The shock of it!  You really had no heads up, no gut feeling that something was wrong, nothing???  I don't think I was around when you got sober on here so I don't know the whole story but reading the above posts it sounds like you guys were a unit.
It is near impossible for me to understand why a person would do something like this unless they were in fear for their life, or being abused.  But it does not sound like this is the case.  I cannot even imagine the hurt and shock you are feeling and I am sorry you don't have people around you to help you through this.  If I could reach through the interweb and give you a big hug then that is what I would do.
I know this sounds trite and honestly, it feels trite to say.  But everything happens for a reason.  This doesn't mean it doesn't su#@ a$$, and maybe the reason will not become clear for some time.
Reach out to whomever you can and dig deep into that well of strength that you have and HOLD ON.  Hitting the meeting was an awesome choice.  Keep making those choices and you WILL GET THROUGH THIS.  It won't be easy, but you'll do it.  Remember what we learn in recovery is that we have NO CONTROL over anyone or anything.  The only thing we have control over is the choices that we make.
Hopefully there will be answers soon.  Until then, just take good loving care of yourself.  If you take care of yourself, then the rest takes care of itself.
Sending support and hugs from my heart....
Lu

[Jinx_777]

first let me tell you my heart breaks for you.  
i think she is expecting you to be trying hard to get her back.  I would be LIVID, the worst betrayal possible imo.  i think you will be sending a strong message by not trying to contact her and taking care of YOU.  hire the lawyer.  i noticed you said you 'cancelled most' of the credit cards... you need to cancel them ALL.  
until you find out why she left and stole all the money, you need to reserve judgement on whether you want her back.  if she came back tomorrow it would never be the same as it was before she did what she did.  with a lot of hard work on her part, you may be able to be together, but it will never be the same.  maybe by not putting up with it and taking care of you then she will admire your strength and courage.   please do NOT fall apart.  go to 50 meetings if that is what you need to do, just do not let this steal your sobriety.  i seem to have a different POV than others, but you can hopefully take something from all of us who will be here for you.  please take care of you

[cleaninitup]

Just wanted to pop on and say hi Fins - sorry so sorry to hear about all of this. You got this , you made it 3 years you can make it 3 more. Have wondered where you have been over the years.