wife left/worried

[finsfan4ever]

Not sure its a question but here goes....
I came to this web site three years ago with a terrible hydrocodone addiction, and after 12 long days of withdrawls, and working hard at it, I am 3 years clean. I have been happily married for twenty years (last month), and I did say happily!
I came home from work yesterday, and she was gone. All of her stuff and about $90,000 from our savings account.
I am devistated. We never argued, fought, nothing. We had made love the night before, and discussed vacation plans in the hot tub that morning. Now shes gone! Turned off her phone and just gone.....
I am concerned about my sobriety. Went to a meeting this morning, and I think it helped.
I'm not sure if I just want to know "why", or if something else is going on....
Everyone here has always had my back, and I credit them every day for saving my life 3 years ago.....
Please help me..................

[nursegirl6572]

How are you holding up Batman, errrr.....um, Fin?  ;0)  

[jifmoc]

Wow, what a thread. Baffling behavior from your wife (I feel angry at her and don't know either one of you.) But, I wanted to add something. I had my heartbroken by a guy (not married), in the same way: he just refused to talk to me. No arguments, nothing and we were all over each other. After racking my brain for month and months as to what I did wrong. It finally sunk in that HE was possibly unwell or mentally ill (bipolar maybe?) Did it occur to you that it's HER and not you? Also, you've worked on your sobriety for 3 years, which means you focused a lot on YOU. Could it be that your wife wasn't the wonderful sane peach you thought she was? You were busy getting well, it's easy to miss signs of other people's sh it.

A little tough love here, but you keep mentioning it has been the 2 of you doing everything together. Well, your revolving your being around her is probably not the best for YOU. We all need balance. We all need different people and things in our lives.

One more thing: I lost my mother to lung cancer (effin cigarettes), 3 months ago. It's devastating and hard to stay sober (but I am) But, my parents were married for 50 YEARS. 50 effin years. My Dad is devastated too BUT he also has and has had other friends and interests, that I believe is saving him. I can't even imagine. I'm crying enough over my Mom. But my Dad is functioning.

So, take what you will from all this. And TIME will give you a different perspective on this. And you will learn more as time goes on.

That's my .02 cents:)

[finsfan4ever]

Nurse girl n lulu
I love u ladies!
Nope, definitely not batman...lol. You DO make me smile!
Just have a sec, wanted to tell you thanks, n I'm ok
Things aren't going as planned but they never do. Murphy's law...
Daughter called late, going to spend the rest of the week with her mom
I have a million emotions about that. Angry and jealous to name a few
Wish I could get a grip on emotions. Always been analytical, I solve problems. WTF is wrong with me?
Nurse girl, I Have considered writing a book when I retire, maybe we could team up! Lol
Gotta go back soon love you

[lulu747]

Dude.  You cannot expect to be over something in 18 DAYS for the love of JIM.  It took me 8 years, 2 destructive marriages, 3 years of addiction, and 3 years of recovery to get over the man that broke my heart....And we were only together for 5 years.  So whatever 18 days- you're doing awesome friend.
I think we are our own worst enemies and thinking we should just be able to get over it is the thinking that keeps us trapped and into self abusive behaviour (like using) You're not doing that and I am damn proud of you.  But seriously...Are you Batman?  Hahahaha.
I'm an actor, writer, director, and teacher so I've already written the screenplay of your life in my mind several times over.  Not meaning to make light of you situation, just maybe make you smile.
You deserve smiles, hugs, light, and love and seriously-
Give yourself a break, man.
I think you'll realize that the easier and more gentle you are with yourself, the stronger you will become.
Even Batman has his down days (:
xoxoxoxox
Lu

[nursegirl6572]

Oh what I wouldn't do to be on a plane going somewhere secret!!  ;0)

Seriously though, I understand what you mean...your "normal" isn't too "normal" by the standards, gotcha.  That's why maybe it wouldn't hurt to start a new hobby...learn something new, join a book club (as corny as it sounds)....just busying yourself with things that involve PEOPLE would be good.

18 days, and you want to be "over it"????  I know you were being facetious but holy heck, for 18 days, you're doing pretty well.  You have 20 years of a history with this woman, and it all came to an abrupt halt.  Heck, I'd be surprised if you were even over the shock of it all yet.

Hope you have a great day, doing whatever secret mission you're doing.  ;0)

[Jinx_777]

it has only been 18 days.  you are trying desperately to make sense of something that makes no sense at all.
i sure hope that you went ahead and did the PI thing because having answers will help you understand so much and will allow you to heal.  
stay grateful for the things you still have in your life.  what i wouldn't do to be able to go to the keys.  sounds amazing and is a wonderful place to make NEW memories with your daughter.  she will get you through all this mess.  she doesn't seem to know what is going on and she is probably going through A LOT because of this.  i know she is an adult, but her whole world, as she knew it, has been turned upside down.  the truth will be revealed to you and your daughter someday.  then she will be able to process her emotions.  i am willing to bet it is NOT you she will be angry with.  hang in there.  you are doing amazing.  this thread IS a roller coaster and you have a lot of support here for you.