32 weeks pregnant and this has got to be the end

[NeedsToStop8]

I have been taking pain pills for about 5 years now. A 7.5 would get me high for about a year or 2 and then when I met my husband it got worse. He liked taking them on the weekends, just for fun just like I was doing. We had a great hook up so they were always available. We would take hydro or percocet 10's on the weekends and then none throughout the week. Of course it got worse and then we were on to taking them ALL the time. The money we spend on these things are ridiculous. I found out I was pregnant in June 2011. I stop taking them for a week because I was so high off the fact we were having a baby and didnt want to do anything to hurt it. We decided to get 4 perc 10's one night and then never take them again. He had 2 I had 2. Well that started the roller coaster back over. Since I have had a healthy pregnancy and the baby is growing exactly like he is suppose to (he is actually measuring a week bigger than he is suppose to be) it made me feel like it was OK and the baby wasn't being affected by all of this. I know I shouldnt be taking pain pills and  the only problem I have found is risking the baby being addicted and going thru withdrawal once it is born. I want to stop my last 8 weeks to ensure baby be born pain free. Today is my first day without a pill. My doctors have no clue I take these pills. I go to all my appts and everythings is always great. I have had a 4d ultrasound and he is the prettiest little boy EVER. His heart, kidneys, all his organs are perfect via ultrasound. I just know this has to be the end of it all. I can't take anymore. I have tried my whole pregnancy to quit and never made it past day 1. My husband and I have talked and we are doing this together. We know in order to have a healthy baby this can not go on! I have been taking up to 30mg of hydro's or percs a day. Whichever we had. I take 15 mg at a time mostly a dose in the morning and a dose at night. Some days 45mgs but that is only like once a week. I do chew the pills when I take them to get a faster high. This is the first time I have admitted this and I feel terrible just writing it. I feel like I can't get up in the mornings without a pill just to clean, cook, play with my daughter or even have a good day. I have went maybe 2 days without a pill through my whole pregnancy and I do have withdrawals but I dont think they are as bad as most go through. I think mine is more mental and that is where my problem is. The physical is not great tho, I dont want to do anything, even be nice! And of course I am the sweetest person EVER when im high. No one knows about this besides my husband. I just need to STOP and I am so scared of not getting high anymore!!!!! I dont need preaching on withdrawals and pre term labor, or that I need to talk to my doctor. I am no doing that. I have tried weening myself off by cutting down the mgs everyday and I always do good until I am about done and then I just give up and do 15mgs again. I have to quit cold turkey there is no other way, I just need support, someone that was in my shoes. I hate these things, they consume my life, I live around them and this has to be the end...it has to be!!!!!!

[Jane1962]

I am so sorry that I kept calling your baby a girl (I am a lot tired but, can't sleep). Another idea is to call the State board of Medicine in your state and see how the law applies to your situation. Get all the information you need to feel better about being open and honest with your doc, yourself and and at some point those who love you and care about you. Preganancy is a scary time anyway and keeping this type of secret from your doc because your scared, or feel guilty isn't a good enough reason not to tell them. They aren't going to call in the police or the drug czar, and if they call anyone it will be people who are there to support and assist you, not make you feel worse. Will be thinking about you and your family.

[Jane1962]

When you tell your doc remeber that he/she is under the HIPPA laws, unless you were harming your baby or yourself  this person cannot tell anyone else about your situation. I believe in this case that if they see your trying to get clean and not use then they are obligated to help you and cannot disclose your condition to anyone else. I totally understand why you are scared but I also feel that the rest of your pregancy would be more enjoyable and comfertable if you told someone. Make a plan and next time you see the doc just tell the person that you are scared for your child and for yourself.  What profession probably has a large number of people who have the same problem? The health care workers who have greater access to the medication.  They are professionally trained to assist you. If you can't tell your ob in fear that they may judge you why not try a psychiatrist, they are also trained to assist in these matters and they cannot break client cofidentiality either. I know you are so scared and miserable and your child is feeling the same thing you are. Sometimes we have to make hard choices concerning our children, look up the law for this type of thing in your state. When my second baby was born he had the same symptoms as I did with my hyperthyroidism his little body had tremors for over 6 weeks until my antibodies left his system. The nureses knew what to look for and if your baby is in withdraw or distress they will notice and quickly. I am not trying to tell you what to do, it is your body but wouldn't it be nice to hear that the baby is fine when you have her. The constant worry that something may go wrong or you won't be able to quit will make you a nervous wreck. Tapering down from the meds would be the safest thing for both you and your child and the doctor could assist you with this.I am so worried for you and really do understand and so will your doctor. I promise you that they have heard about far worse than taking the amount your taking. The quicker you get into sometype of treatment program the better your going to feel inside and out; Fight the battle now and start fighting the war when you give birth to that precious baby. Hopefully you will have a caring supportive doc if not you always have the right to find another one, even this late in the game. I am not quite sure where you are getting your meds but if it is off the street they may not be entirely safe. The doc can give you safe medication and taper you off. Do you have a close friend or a good support system that might go with you when you talk to your doc?
I hear the fear in your post, and I respect your position about wanting to wait before you tell your ob but I would do some research on the internet about the subject and get some facts about what might happen if you try and go this alone. I know you want the best for this baby I can also see that in your post. Get some more information from some reputable sights, weigh the pro's and con's of telling VS. not telling your doc. If there are more pro's than there are con's then the answer seems pretty clear cut. It sounds as if the only con you have at this time is that your scared, ashamed and feeling alot of guilt. Don't let those feeling stop you from doing what is best for you and that little girl. At this point all you have to fear is fear itself, I know that sound a little silly but what other reason do you feel you have for not confinding in your doc? Make a list of your concerns, do some research on what the law is and what the best course of action to take. If I went into my docs office right now and said I had been taking medication illeagally and wanted help they would be obligated to help me, and do it in a confidential manner. The same thing applies to you too. .WD stinks and you don't have to go it alone.. God bless, so worried about you and your baby, if you would like me to help you make a list of the pro's and cons please let me know, I would be glad to help you anyway that I can. This is not something that happened because you don't love your child it happened because your an addict Starting to get help now will make trying to take care of two kids, a husband and all your other responsibilites alot smother in the long run. I wish that I would have had this support board when I was having the most problems with my addiction but I was in denial. I think if you listen to your heart you will realize that you are also in denial but once the problem is out there in the open and you admit to yourself and your doc that you have a problem the denial will go away and when the denial is gone the stronger you will feel to solve the problem which is addiction.

[lynnalb15]

I truly pray you change your mind and tell your ob ASAP. It's in your best Internet an more importantly your babies. It is scary but such a relief after. Gl

[Ashelen]

Sorry I was out for a couple of hours but I agree completely with the advice you're getting here. There are laws that protect you and as long as they see an effort to make a healthy choice for your baby, they are going to do whatever they can to aid you. They do NOT want you and baby separated, they do NOT want you to get in trouble - they want you both to be healthy, and together. Once they know the truth, they can help you get the resources and skills that you need to have that happen. I had one of the pregnant ladies who is a recovering addict message me earlier because of this thread (I won't share her name - she's welcome to if she wants to) afraid that she would be in trouble once she had spoken to her OB. So you are NOT the only one who is afraid, and it's completely understandable! But the truth is, they are NOT out to get you...

when you go to a doctor, you go because they have the knowledge and skills to help you through whatever it is you need. Be that a cold, an infection, pregnancy - they have the experience. This is just another situation where your doctor can provide you with his services to help make your life healthier, and your baby's life healthier. It's no different. But in order to do that, he has to know first. That's all this is..informing him of your "medically relevant history" in order to make the best treatment plan for your future.

[adgal]

Sorry, ultimate goal is to keep children safe - if that has been established then the goal is to keep families together.  They may help you find different resources, etc. to help you out to.  It's not always a bad thing.

[adgal]

Oh yes, confidentiality is a huge huge thing.  You wouldn't believe how careful anyone working in this area has to be.  Huge repercussions for all of us otherwise.  I think people have visions of CPS and like organizations roaming their neighborhood, interviewing neighbors, family members, friends.  I can tell you that the only time things like that happen is in serious abuse or child neglect situations, or complaints from said neighbor or family member, that sort of thing.  It is extremely unlikely that sort of thing would happen in this kind of case.   Remember that the ultimate goal is to keep families intact.  Having an issue with addiction doesn't mean you are a neglectful or bad parent.  They don't just storm in and start removing kids, or turning your life upside down.